


Achilles Heel

by Isabeau_Gower



Category: Yami No Matsuei
Genre: Altered States, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Fear, Flavored Lube, Fluff, Food Kink, Frottage, Hand Jobs, House Hunting, M/M, Memories, Picnics, Restraints, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-25
Updated: 2008-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:41:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 80,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1300327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabeau_Gower/pseuds/Isabeau_Gower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsuzuki and Hisoka are sent to Earth to find and retrieve the missing spirit of a young girl who was killed in a house fire.  What should be a simple, though heartbreaking mission, turns out to be far more complicated than anyone expected and the spirit that protects her in its own special way utilizes an attack that will have long term ramifications for both the shinigami team and the shikigami pair who respond to their call for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mission

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Suzie_b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzie_b/gifts).



> Author's Note: The story in general follows Touda, Byakko, Tsuzuki, and Hisoka, and to a lesser extent, Watari and Tatsumi. I've patterned some of my history and details of the little known shikigami from the excellently detailed stories of one of my favorite pair of authors, macxlarabee and their Yami no Matsuei epic, Darkness Unleashed. You don't need it to read the story, but if you haven't read their work, I recommend it highly.
> 
> Warnings for the story in general: The story is about fears and weaknesses and the things that it makes us do or not do and how that affects others. There will be violent sex consciously entered into in an upcoming chapter and there will be debate afterward between the parties involved over whether it was consensual. I have not tagged the story as rape, therefore, but did put in the dubcon tag just in case the situation would still be a trigger for anyone. I don't want to spoil the story for my readers, but I will give you that heads up.

_Prologue:_

 

Hisoka Kurosaki looked on as his partner lifted the small plate of apple pie to his nose and inhaled deeply. Even yards apart and seated at his own desk, Hisoka could feel waves of happiness rolling off of his partner and he wondered how a simple concoction of apples and cinnamon enclosed in a pie crust could bring on such a strong reaction. He’d tried apple pie once, of course, and while it tasted quite nice, it certainly didn’t provoke the same feelings from him that it did from his partner. Hisoka closed his eyes and braced himself for the usual surge of near orgasmic pleasure the dessert generally caused as Tsuzuki raised a forkful to his mouth…

 

“Tsuzuki, Hisoka, I have a job for you two.”

 

Hisoka opened his eyes and saw Tatsumi looming over Tsuzuki’s desk and holding a small file in his right hand. Tatsumi’s timing was perfect as always. Breathing a sigh of relief, Hisoka stood up and accepted the file from Tatsumi.

 

“There’s not much information there, but you should hurry. We intercepted a message from the local animal control to the police which will give you a perfect cover for your investigation.” Tatsumi turned back to Tsuzuki and observed the man who could command twelve shikigami huddling defensively over a small dessert plate. The small whimpering noises might play on the sympathies of a normal man. Despite his appearance however, Tatsumi Seiichiro was anything but normal. “Don’t worry about your pie, Tsuzuki. I’ll take care of it for you.” With a wicked glint in his eyes, Tatsumi adjusted his glasses and then reached out to take the plate away.

 

Tsuzuki stared helplessly as the object of his desire moved further and further away. It hovered for a second at Tatsumi’s office door and then disappeared inside. For one brief, shining moment it had touched his lips and now it was gone forever. Tsuzuki hung his head and pouted until Hisoka kicked his chair.

 

“Come on,” Hisoka urged as he grabbed for his denim jacket and Tsuzuki’s trench coat. “Let’s go.”

 

**Chapter One:**

 

Shifting from Meifu to the mortal world focused Tsuzuki a bit and Hisoka briefed him with an overview of the case file as they walked to their destination. “The family died in a fire, but only the spirits of the mother and father ever arrived at the Hall of Judgment. It’s clear that the little girl died – her body was found in her room huddled inside a toy chest – but so far there’s no clue about where her spirit has gone. That was two weeks ago.”

 

Tsuzuki sighed. He hated cases with children. Sending a spirit to Meifu was hard enough, sending one that was young and innocent always did things to his heart.

 

Before long the pair turned the last corner and the partially burned remains of a home came into view. The roof was gone, as were the windows, the walls were blackened, and exposed beams were visible almost everywhere, but one small corner of the house remained amazingly pristine.

 

“The girl’s room,” Hisoka explained seeing his partner’s puzzled look and line of sight.

 

Tsuzuki turned to his partner, confusion on his face.

 

“That’s what you were looking at, right? The girl’s room?”

 

Tsuzuki nodded once and turned his eyes back in the direction of the house. “It didn’t burn?” Hisoka shook his head. “No, it didn’t.”

 

“But I thought you said that she died, too.”

 

“She didn’t die from the blaze directly. She died of asphyxiation from the lack of remaining oxygen and the toxic gases produced during the fire but her room was untouched by the flames. It’s the only room in the house that didn’t burn,” Hisoka explained.

 

Tsuzuki’s expression showed his puzzlement. “But… Why?”

 

Hisoka shrugged his shoulders. There were no other details in the file concerning the fire. They would have to find the answers to all their questions on their own.

 

***

 

As the guardians neared the front of the house, they saw an animal control van and two uniformed agency workers nearby.

 

Tsuzuki pulled out the fake police ID he often used when investigating in his sector of the human realm and called out to the two men. “You guys called for some help?” he asked, hoping they would explain what was happening in the area. Tsuzuki knew a call had been intercepted, but he’d forgotten to ask Hisoka if the file explained what it had been about.

 

“You guys detectives or something? We just figured they’d send a couple of uniforms.” The two men looked at Hisoka skeptically.

 

“Well, we were already in the area, so it just made sense to send us,” Tsuzuki bluffed.

 

“We got a call from one of the neighbors about a dog in trouble,” one of the officers explained. “It seems that sometime after the fire, this dog moved into the gazebo behind the house for a safe place to have her puppies. We can see her and hear her crying, but…”

 

He trailed off and it was his partner who finally finished. “We can see the dog and her puppies, but we can’t get to them. There’s… something in the way.”

 

“Something?” Tsuzuki asked.

 

“I can’t really explain,” the man said, suddenly embarrassed. “Sorry. I just know that we can’t get to her and I think whatever is keeping us out is also keeping her in. She doesn’t look injured, but she does look dehydrated and malnourished. If we don’t get her and her puppies out soon…” The officer let the statement trail off, his meaning obvious.

 

“We’ll check it out,” Tsuzuki assured the pair. “Just wait here for us, okay?” He gave them an optimistic smile and turned back to see that Hisoka was already walking around the perimeter of the house and investigating the remains of the structure.

 

The undamaged gazebo was easy to spot in the undamaged rear yard. Like a forgotten soldier, the round, arching structure stood proudly in the center of a loosely designed flower and herb garden. It was just the sort of magical seeming space that would appeal to a little girl with an imagination.

 

“She must have loved playing here,” Tsuzuki observed wistfully.

 

“I think she still does,” Hisoka replied softly.

 

Tsuzuki looked over at his partner, the question poised on his lips, and saw Hisoka looking into the garden with an intent focus. Following his gaze, Tsuzuki spotted a spirit hiding amidst the flowers and clutching a small doll.

 

Hisoka started to approach the ghost of the little girl, but ten feet away from her he was suddenly lifted off his feet and flung violently away, landing hard on the ground.

 

The shade of the little girl left her hiding place and shouted at the shinigami, “Go away! Leave us alone!”

 

Tsuzuki moved forward, slowly, arms out to the side in a placating gesture and spoke in soothing tones. “It’s okay. We’re here to help the puppies.” Tsuzuki felt a twinge of guilt at telling her a half truth, but pressed on. “She’s crying because she’s hungry. I know you like the doggy, but we need to take her somewhere where she and her puppies will be safe and we can get them some food and water.”

 

“She’s safe here,” the little spirit asserted. “My friend will keep her safe.”

 

“Well, yes, of course. I can see that she’s not hurt so you must have done a good job of keeping her safe.” Tsuzuki looked over at the dog. She appeared uninjured, but looked tired and weak. “She needs food and water, though. You don’t want her to get sick. She won’t be able to take care of herself and her puppies if she does.”

 

The girl’s resolve wavered and she looked over at the little canine family before responding to Tsuzuki. “Is – is that why she’s crying. I can’t make her stop crying.”

 

“Yes,” Hisoka answered from where he remained seated on the ground. “If you let us take her away, I promise that we’ll get her food and water and make sure that she’s safe.”

 

The girl searched alternately between green and violet eyes before she finally made up her mind and nodded in assent. Clutching her doll, she gave the dog one final pat on the head and then moved to a far corner of the garden.

 

Tsuzuki advanced to the gazebo with slow steps until he finally reached the dog and her pups. “Hisoka? Can you help me?”

 

Tsuzuki lifted each of the three puppies and placed them into Hisoka’s waiting arms before picking up the mother. Reassured that she wasn’t being separated from her young, the dog went limp in Tsuzuki’s arms and allowed him to carry her out of the open air structure.

 

Once he’d handed the dog to one of the officers who had moved across the lawn to meet them, Tsuzuki turned around and walked back to the garden and the spirit of the little girl while Hisoka continued on to the van.

 

The little girl had returned to the gazebo and now sat on a wooden bench and stared at the place where the dogs had been.

 

“Can I come over there and talk to you?” Tsuzuki asked softly.

 

“Why?” the girl responded. Tsuzuki could see that she had tears in her eyes and she was hugging her doll tightly to her chest.

 

Continuing forward, Tsuzuki answered, “I thought you might be lonely and want some company now that the puppies were gone. Are you all alone here?”

 

The tiny ghost shook her head from side to side and gestured at an open toy box overflowing with stuffed animals. “Not alone,” she asserted, “but I liked the doggie. Can she come back after she eats?”

 

Tsuzuki was only a few feet away now and could feel the girl’s spirit. He could also sense another force, a powerful one, and one that he suspected was keeping the girl tethered to the mortal world. What confused the shinigami was that the power was emanating from the pile of toys. “I don’t think she can come back, but I could stay and play with you if that would be alright,” he offered.

                                                                                         

The image of the little girl turned large, brown eyes up to Tsuzuki and asked hopefully, “Really?”

 

“Sure,” Tsuzuki answered easily. “Can I get one of your toys?” Once he saw the child’s face light up and nod enthusiastically, Tsuzuki reached out to the toy box and tried to discern the source of the energy he sensed.

 

Hisoka handed the puppies off to the animal control officers who placed the family together in a large, comfortable carrier. While the men carefully checked over the condition of each of the dogs and set up some food and water for the mother, Hisoka turned back toward the garden and looked for his errant partner.

 

It appeared as though Tsuzuki had gained the confidence of the young spirit and Hisoka smiled to see his innocent and childlike friend reaching for a stuffed animal. A sudden, blinding flash of light was the only warning he received before the tranquil scene changed.

 

Senses on full alert, Hisoka pushed the officers into the van, urged them to stay inside, and closed the doors just seconds before he felt Tsuzuki’s mind reel in pain and confusion. The shock of the sudden input drove Hisoka to his knees, but, with determination, he gained his feet and staggered the rest of the way to the gazebo.

 

The child’s ghost had left her place on the bench and stood now with Hisoka just outside the little building, staring at his partner who held a small, plushie knight out at arm’s length. The doll’s image shifted as they stared at the object and finally settled into a miniature, fabric and yarn adorned image of Tsuzuki.

 

The attack inside Tsuzuki’s mind was triggered the moment the guardian touched the worn and well used knight he’d honed in on as the source of the unusual power.   Once a protective spirit, the sentinel that disguised itself as a toy had gone mad when it had failed its self-appointed duty to protect the child and now, power flaring out of control with desperation, it struck out at anyone and anything that it perceived as a threat. Since the shinigami had been sent to take the little girl’s spirit back with them to Meifu, they were seen as the biggest threat of all.

 

The sentinel probed deeply into Tsuzuki’s thoughts, first trying to discover the shinigami’s intent. Once the mission to retrieve the girl’s spirit was exposed, the creature rifled Tsuzuki’s mind and searched out his greatest weaknesses even as it dropped its knightly façade.

 

Tsuzuki’s eyes widened as he watched the knight in his hands shape shift and transform into a plushie doll that oddly resembled his own form. He had only a little time to be shocked, however. Only moments later, his mind was cast into a void where the plushie lost its soft edges and looked back at Tsuzuki as a twisted reflection of his human body.

 

With wild, mocking eyes that gleamed with power and evil intent, Tsuzuki’s mirrored twin began to speak. A list of all the shinigami’s sins, as he perceived them, spewed with venom from his doppelganger’s lips before it asked, “What’s the matter Tsuzuki? Haven’t you murdered enough people yet that you need to come after one more defenseless little girl? Why bother? You’re as big a failure as you are evil. You can’t seem to do anything right, not even killing yourself. You were a little more successful accomplishing your crimes when you let Sargaatanas take over your body though, weren’t you? Did you enjoy the freedom of being able to blame another being for your own twisted nature and desires? Did you enjoy cutting into that boy’s flesh and tasting his blood? Perhaps you even wanted to do more. Is that what you want, Tsuzuki? Are you waiting for a chance to take your partner, to violate his body and soul over and over again? You haven’t done it yet, but is that truly because of a lack of desire or simply because you haven’t had the opportunity, haven’t had the courage to try?”

 

Tsuzuki’s mind broke under the barrage of images and vile accusations. He screamed aloud and grabbed at his head, “Make it stop! Stop me! Touda!”

 

The fire serpent answered his master’s summons and appeared before him.

 

***

 

Hisoka and the ghost of the little girl watched as Tsuzuki knelt in the gazebo and clutched tightly at the knight turned doll. The only indications of the gravity of his partner’s internal battle were the death grip Tsuzuki had on the small, strange toy and the painful emotions that were pounding relentlessly against Hisoka’s mental shields.

 

After less than a minute, Tsuzuki threw his head back and screamed for his shikigami. Heeding the urgency of the call, Touda appeared over the gazebo in his snake form. Coiling and sliding through the air, the battle ready shikigami was a silent menace fully prepared to engage in deadly combat for his master and friend.

 

Tsuzuki struggled to retain control over his own mind, to focus on the source of evil that had brought him and his partner to this place. The desire for the silence of oblivion that suicide would bring was strong, though, and the order to have Touda breathe the fires of hell over him hovered dangerously on his lips. It was all Tsuzuki could do to keep silent. Somehow, he just couldn’t redirect his thoughts long enough to form the words that would direct Touda to attack the doll instead.

 

Touda looked down over the scene. It appeared that he was on the mortal realm with Tsuzuki and Hisoka was present as well. There was a small ghost beside his master’s partner, but she seemed to represent no threat. Why had he been summoned? Examining the situation more carefully, Touda saw three sets of eyes focused on a small object that Tsuzuki was holding in front of his body.

 

The serpent descended and moved closer. ‘Yes,’ Touda surmised, ‘that must be the source of the problem.’ It was too close to his master for him to use flame, so Touda flung his tail between the two, batted the object out of Tsuzuki’s hands and sent it flying out of the gazebo.

 

The small doll soared across the garden and as his master collapsed to the floor of the gazebo, Touda pursued the tiny fabric threat, intending to destroy the object. Even while still in the air, however, the toy shaped sentinel abandoned its Tsuzuki like features and began to morph again in response to the new threat. By the time the demonic plushie landed amidst the tall grasses of the abandoned backyard, it had taken a new shape as a small, stuffed ferret.

 

Touda leaned forward, expecting to be able to incinerate the small, inanimate object with ease, and, instead, locked eyes with a mongoose. The entity might have been deprived of its first target, but at Touda’s touch, the twisted protective spirit had once again entered a mind. For this occasion the battlefield might be the mindscape of a shikigami, but the tactics the sentinel chose to employ would be exactly the same.

 

A battle raged inside Touda’s head between himself and the tenacious mongoose, a serpent’s mortal enemy. Each creature struck at the other, biting where they could, and while Touda couldn’t seem to land any significant blows, the mongoose was having no such difficulty. Blood flowed from Touda’s physical form in the locations where the creature bit at his mind body and each wound burned severely.

 

The distraction, when it came, had painful consequences. The black void where the fight had begun altered and gradually took form through a foggy mist. As the pair dove through the clouds, a city unfolded beneath them. Touda looked down and saw the world of the shikigami, his city, his home, and it was in flames.

 

Breaking away from his opponent, Touda gained some distance and hovered motionless in the air to stare down in disbelief at the scene below him. Black flames reached high into the air from countless ruined buildings and Touda realized that he was seeing, without the mercy of the madness that had gripped him all those years ago, the horrors of his own past.

 

As he watched, Touda saw a younger looking Sohryu, the Sohryu of that time, launch into the sky and head straight for him. Realizing that he had taken the place of himself in his own past, Touda shook off his stupor and flew quickly away, attempting to evade his former friend’s attacks. The anger blazing deep in Sohryu’s eyes spoke eloquently of the fury in his soul and the determined dragon scored dozens of minor hits. Touda’s refusal to fight back freed him to concentrate on better evasion techniques, but Sohryu was driven by a madness of his own that day – his desire for revenge.

 

Deciding to take advantage of his slim and fire resistant form, Touda dove for the ground to weave into and through some of the burning buildings. A flash of white caught his eye and Touda froze. A white tiger, bloody and still, was sprawled across the pavement. Intellectually, some portion of Touda’s mind knew that this was not HIS Byakko, knew that it must, in fact, be Byakko’s father, but at that moment, identical as the appearance of the father and son grew to be, it made no difference.

 

Paralyzed with grief and remorse and seeing the form of his lover lying dead by his own hand, Touda waited for the attacking shikigami to come and deliver justice to him. Closing his eyes and remaining perfectly still, Touda prayed silently to the gods that this time justice would come in the form of a swift death instead of the centuries of imprisonment that he had endured the first time. Either way, in the end, he thought, it would never be enough to make up for what he’d lost, and what he’d taken.

 

***

 

When his partner had collapsed, Hisoka had run forward to gather Tsuzuki in his arms and examine him, but he turned his face back toward Touda now as horrible, screeching cries of pain came from the powerful shikigami. The serpent stood oddly motionless, only his jaw and throat working to express his pain and anguish, and dozens of small wounds appeared over the length of his body as Hisoka looked on and protectively clutched Tsuzuki’s body even tighter.

 

“Tsuzuki!” Hisoka shook his partner who was only just beginning to come around. “Tsuzuki! Wake up! Touda needs your help!” They were words that Hisoka never could have imagined himself needing to speak at any point in his afterlife. What in the universe could harm a creature as powerful as Touda?

 

Lids fluttered over strangely colored purple eyes, but Tsuzuki was only just rousing from his shock and not yet truly processing Hisoka’s words. Laying his partner gently back down onto the floor of the gazebo, Hisoka ran forward to the scene of the motionless battle between shikigami and toy.

 

_‘It attacks when you look at it,’_ he thought, _‘I just won’t look at it.’_

Rushed by his concern for Touda and unable to think of anything else, Hisoka rushed between the two combatants and kicked the toy as far away as he could.

 

Released from the attack, the great serpent came crashing down behind Hisoka. “Touda?” he asked helplessly as he ran to the shikigami’s side.   The great black snake was out cold and there was no way Hisoka would ever be able to shift him without serious assistance. With Touda and Tsuzuki both down, Hisoka’s quick mind raced to formulate a plan. He had taken two steps back toward the gazebo when he heard an all too familiar voice.

 

“So, Boy, what will you do now?”

 

_‘No!’_ Hisoka thought, _‘It can’t be him, not here, not now.’_

 

Forced to take on yet another shinigami, the creature took advantage of Hisoka’s empathic powers and reached across the lawn to attack him with visions of Muraki pulled from the depths of his memory. Hisoka turned around to face his eternal tormentor and suddenly found himself tightly in the embrace of the madman.

 

“All of your protectors are asleep and here we are together again. It would be a shame to waste such a delicious opportunity. Let’s have a little fun shall we?”

 

Hisoka struggled with Muraki, but the hold was never truly a physical one. The sentinel’s poisonous psi-talons burrowed deep into Hisoka’s consciousness, controlling the action and making any escape impossible.

 

“Ah, you’re just as responsive as ever, twisting and turning in pain and rapture. You loved what I did to you that night and you hate yourself for that even more than you hate me. You’re such a dishonest little doll. You want your partner too, I can see it. You yearn for his touch, but you’ll never tell him that, will you? Are you hoping that someday he’ll force himself on you? Do you want to pretend it isn’t what you want so that you can stop hating yourself for getting off with me? Or is it just that you like it that way? You like being taken by force, you like being hurt. You’re so perverted that you’d rather wish for poor, innocent, little Tsuzuki to become a rapist rather than ever admit what you truly want.”

 

As he spoke his accusations, Muraki’s graceful fingers traced the curse lines etched into Hisoka’s body and sent searing pain flowing through each of them. With one last desperate thought, Hisoka reached out with his mind and called for Tsuzuki.

 

“Hisoka?” Tsuzuki sat upright and took in the carnage laid out in front of him: Touda bleeding from a dozen wounds and Hisoka staring down in horror at a twisted, twelve inch tall, chibi version of Kazutaka Muraki.

 

“Byakko!” Tsuzuki called on the wind god and the great white tiger appeared at his side. “There’s a spirit possessing that doll. I don’t understand how, but it attacks in the mind. I remember that it wasn’t an immediate reaction though. It must need a little time to search a person’s thoughts. If you can get to it quickly enough while it’s still focused on Hisoka…” Tsuzuki voice trailed off and he looked back at his partner with deep concern written on his face as Byakko leapt forward into action.

 

Eager to follow Tsuzuki’s instructions, Byakko immediately snatched up the doll in his jaws and worked to quickly shred the doll with his claws.

 

The hold on his mind suddenly broken, Hisoka staggered back a step and shivered over lingering memories of violating fingers.

 

The now dying sentinel desperately tried to read Byakko and shift its rapidly failing form to address the newest threat to its world.

 

Sensing movement nearby, Touda blinked open serpentine eyes and attempted to clear his muddled thoughts. The realization that the battle had continued on without him and that his lover had now engaged the enemy shocked Touda awake. Still, the sight that greeted him was not what he might have expected of a battle that had so far disabled two shinigami and a shikigami of his strength. _‘Is that?’_ Touda shook his head and looked again at the scene before him in disbelief. ‘ _I must be seeing things. Is that really Byakko pouncing on a… giant cat toy?’_ Touda winced as the pain that resulted from moving his head sharpened Touda’s thoughts and still the scene before him remained the same.

 

Wanting to move closer to the fight for a better look, Touda gritted his teeth against the pain of a host of injuries all of whom made themselves known as he slid though the grass. Byakko’s movements seemed to slow as Touda looked on and small bits of what appeared to be a giant catnip mouse flew around the air in a cloud of destruction. Weaving as he walked, Byakko stumbled to the side and dropped a last bit of yarn tail from his mouth.

 

_‘Oh, no,’_ Touda thought. _‘Don’t stop ‘til it’s done.’_

 

The remnants of the creature’s physical form appeared motionless as Byakko staggered away, but Touda was taking no chances. Gathering his energy, he produced a small burst of black flame, and incinerated the remains of the child’s stuffed protector.

 

In the aftermath of the battle, the garden was silent but for the soft footfalls of four large white paws as Byakko padded through the flower beds in a catnip induced haze. The image seemed so surreal to Tsuzuki, that he laughed and shook his head. They were all tired and hurt and the cat’s antics were a welcome relief after battling for his sanity. His friend, however, was getting his paws muddy and destroying the garden and they did still, in fact, have a mission to complete.

 

“Hisoka? Why don’t you take little Sana-chan here back to Meifu while I sort out these two,” Tsuzuki offered as he gestured at Touda and Byakko. Hisoka looked very bad and Tsuzuki could easily guess what sort of horrors he might have seen and been subjected to by the sentinel entity. A change of scene and some normal routine might help to snap Hisoka out of his funk sooner. Maybe he’d suggest some hot chocolate later tonight after work, too. Hot chocolate, after all, could fix anything.

 

Hisoka nodded in agreement with the suggestion and gated himself and his charge back to Meifu.

 

Touda sniffed disdainfully one last time at the smoking remains and nudged them with his snout to make sure the danger was past. Satisfied that the small pile of ash was no longer a threat to those he cared about, Touda turned back to watch Tsuzuki with Byakko.

 

Byakko, Touda’s lover, the powerful shikigami wind god of the west, was currently pouncing a bed of daisies and flinging the petals in all directions while Tsuzuki tried to stop him. “Byakko, please, it’s time to go home now. You have to stop eating the daisies.”

 

Byakko paused, his eyes unfocused and with flowers and stems dangling from his jaws, and turned to search out the source of the voice interrupting his fun.

 

“We can go back now, back home. You can go back to your own palace and play in the garden there.” Tsuzuki spoke soothingly and tried to tempt his friend with the idea of the massive gardens Byakko kept on his estate.

 

Byakko wrinkled his brow in confusion. He felt that he should know this biped, that he liked him even, but then why was this person being so annoying and getting between him and his flowers. Didn’t he know that daisies were evil? They watched cats with their big yellow eyes in the center and reported back to the dogs. They had to be destroyed and this man was getting in the way. Maybe he just wanted to play, too, he wondered. The man with the purple eyes seemed friendly enough. Maybe he just needed a good bounce into the flower bed. If he could see the flowers more closely, then surely he would understand and then maybe he could help Byakko. Yes, that was it, he thought. Byakko reared back on his hind paws and stood up. Putting one great paw on each of Tsuzuki’s shoulders, he forced the shinigami to the ground in an explosion of petals.

 

Touda laughed at the sight of his master pinned down in the flower bed and being licked by a very large, scratchy tongue. “B-b-b-Byakko, that tickles,” Tsuzuki gasped out between giggles. “Quit it, please.”

 

So engrossed were the trio in their fun that none of them noticed the pair of humans who were approaching from the street until it was too late. To their eyes, unused to such sights as a shikigami god playfully wrestling with a god of death, it looked as though an escaped tiger was mauling a police detective and so they did what would be expected. The men took aim and fired two very large tranquilizer darts into the unsuspecting Byakko’s side.

 

As the projectiles pierced his side, Byakko flinched in shock and dug his claws briefly into Tsuzuki’s shoulders before rearing back and roaring in pain. Touda looked on in confusion as his lover drew blood from their master and then turned on the two humans before working out what had actually happened. Byakko roared again and started toward the two fragile mortals, murder in his eyes.

 

“Byakko, no!” Tsuzuki shouted through gritted teeth. The wounds were healing quickly but were still very deep and very painful. “Touda! Don’t let him hurt them! They didn’t know!”

 

Touda gritted his teeth against the pain of his half-healed injuries and prepared to launch himself forward from his resting place, hidden in the tall grass. Just as Touda coiled and prepared to move however, Byakko staggered heavily to one side and shook his head. The tranquilizers were working fast on his already altered system and it wasn’t long before he tipped over onto his right side, closed his eyes, and fell deeply asleep.

 

Touda waited motionless and silent in the grass and watched as one human kept vigil over the immobile tiger and the other ran to Tsuzuki’s side.

 

“Are you alright?” the officer asked as he checked the shinigami for injuries.

 

Tsuzuki waved the man off with reassurances and quickly pulled out his cell phone to alert the ministry. Within seconds of the call, an emergency response squad teleported into the remains of the once lovely garden. While Tatsumi oversaw the agents who would clear the scene of any signs of the fight and alter the memories of the two well-meaning officers, Watari looked over Tsuzuki.

 

“How much trouble am I in with Tatsumi?” Tsuzuki asked quietly.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t look all that bad to me, but you’d better have a good story.” Watari paused to look around. “Where’s the kid?”

 

“I sent him ahead with Sana-chan,” Tsuzuki explained.

 

“Sana-chan, huh?” Watari smiled gently at Tsuzuki. Only two hours on the case and he was already addressing the child’s spirit like a familiar friend. Tsuzuki was a big softie, especially where children were concerned. “Well, there you go,” Watari continued. “You got your mission accomplished at the very least and on top of that you managed to limit the damage to only one square block this time. I’m betting you’ll get off easily if you just turn your paperwork in before the third reminder.” Watari tossed in a wink with his comment and helped his fellow shinigami to his feet. “I might even try to distract Tatsumi for you this evening if you ask very nicely.”

 

Tsuzuki blushed. He knew about Watari and Tatsumi’s not-so-secret affair, everyone in the office did, and while he was happy for them, of course, he wasn’t so sure that he ever wanted to know too many details about it. “Th-th-thanks, Watari… Uh, I’ve gotta go now and… ummm… see about Byakko.”

 

Beating a hasty retreat, Tsuzuki quickly walked over to where Touda was looming over Byakko’s side. The tiger was twitching restlessly and growling in his drug induced sleep. “I can’t believe a simple tranquilizer, even a large dose of one, would still have him down like this.” Turning to Touda, he suggested, “Maybe you’d better get him back and have Rikugo check him out.”

 

Touda nodded, he’d been thinking the same thing. Shikigami had powers of restorative healing that were very similar to the speed of the shinigami’s accelerated regeneration and nothing earthly should have disturbed his lover’s metabolism for very long. Touda coiled his serpentine form protectively around Byakko’s sleeping body, and gated them both back to the shikigami world.

 

Tsuzuki watched the empty space where his friends had been only seconds before and sighed after a moment. He was worried about Byakko, but he was more worried about Hisoka. Touda would keep him informed and let him know if there was anything truly wrong with Byakko. With his irrepressible spirit, there wasn’t much that could keep the wind god down for very long and Tsuzuki wanted desperately to be with his own partner right now.

 

Tatsumi tapped him on the shoulder, and Tsuzuki turned to see his former partner and present supervisor alone with Watari in the garden. “We’ve finished everything we need to do here. Are you ready to leave yet?” he asked.

 

Tsuzuki nodded and dropped his head slightly to look down at Tatsumi’s feet. He felt so very tired.

 

“Let’s go back, Tsuzuki,” Watari urged as he patted his friend’s back.

 

In a flash of light, the yard was empty and Tsuzuki’s view shifted from the earthly garden of living, growing things to the familiar, cold beauty of the cherry blossoms that bloomed eternally in the land of the dead. He was home.

 


	2. Back to GenSouKai

**Chapter Two:**

 

Touda materialized in the shikigami world and immediately shifted to his ‘human’ form. “Byakko!” He shook the tiger, but Byakko merely lolled his head to the side and wouldn’t wake. “Damn!”

 

He didn’t like the idea of trying to move Byakko without knowing what was wrong, so that meant Rikugo was going to have to come to him. Looking around, Touda spied a familiar looking palace staff member nearby and waved him over. “Do you know where Lord Rikugo is right now?”

 

The clerk nodded mutely and pointed in the direction of Sohryu’s office. Everyone knew that Lord Touda had been released from prison when he was bound into service to the shinigami called Asato Tsuzuki and subsequently pardoned for his crimes, but he was rarely seen roaming around the streets of the capital and most of the general citizenry were still in both awe and fear of his presence.

 

“Could you get him for me?” Touda requested. “Tell him that Lord Byakko is injured and needs his assistance.”

 

As the man ran to deliver his message, a tickle of warmth drew Touda’s eyes to a line of blood running down his arm which reminded him that his lover wasn’t the only one of them wounded. Touda smiled as he looked over the lingering reminder of his battle, a deep bite mark that penetrated the flesh of his right bicep. It was the sort of thing Byakko would have licked had he been awake.

 

Often when Touda would return after small skirmishes, Byakko would drag his tongue over all of Touda’s small injuries and soothe the pain until his own healing powers would close them completely. It was the sort of sensual intimacy that came naturally to his lover and one of the things Touda liked about his partner the most. People might not expect it of the serpent, but he had a great fondness for romantic little gestures like that.

 

The sound of raised voices, flapping robes, and swiftly moving feet alerted him to Rikugo’s arrival. Touda looked up from his place on the ground to see the physician and also Sohryu, their leader, not a step behind him.

 

“What happened?!” Sohryu demanded to know.

 

Touda turned back to Byakko and reached out to touch one great paw. “Tsuzuki called on us to help him in a fight. In all the confusion afterward, Byakko was tagged by a pair of tranquilizer darts and he’s been like this ever since.”

 

Rikugo knelt down and began to examine Byakko. “Human drugs shouldn’t have had this profound an effect on him. He should have been able to shake off even a large dose altogether or, at the very least, certainly it should have worn off after just a minute or two. Are you certain it was only a tranquilizer and not some sort of magical attack?”

 

“I’m as certain as I can be. They were only regular humans, ones who dealt with domestic animals primarily if I smelled them correctly. I think they saw the situation and just assumed that Byakko was some sort of zoo escapee that was attacking Tsuzuki.”

 

Sohryu’s head popped up and his focus shifted from Rikugo’s examination to Touda’s face. “Attacking?”

 

“Mmm-hmm,” Touda gazed down fondly at the tiger’s face and smiled at the memory. “Byakko was acting a little goofy from the fight, the catnip I guess, and he’d knocked Tsuzuki down and was washing his face when these guys shot at him. It was amusing watching Byakko act like a big kitten and Tsuzuki was giggling like mad, but I imagine it looked like something much worse to the two humans.”

 

 

Touda looked back up at Sohryu and saw their leader and Rikugo, pale as ghosts, exchange a look before Rikugo turned to face him and asked gravely, “Did you say… catnip?”

 

“Yes,” Touda replied, curious as to his friends’ reaction. “At least, I assume that’s what it was given its appearance and Byakko’s reaction. It would make sense, I suppose.”

 

“Explain,” Sohryu demanded.

 

“When Tsuzuki first summoned me, he was battling something that looked like himself, a spirit possessed doll that had taken on his general appearance. I knocked it away and it changed into a stuffed mongoose like object. It then fought me inside my mind.” Touda paused and considered the rest of his explanation. “It attacked like a mongoose would attack a snake, knowing just where to strike and how.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either and it was all that Touda was willing to share with his peers about his experience. “When my mind was freed from the creature’s attack, I saw the doll attacking Hisoka except that it now reconfigured itself to look like their old nemesis, Kazutaka Muraki.”

 

“So… it takes the shape of something you fear?” Rikugo guessed.

 

“Or something against which you are weak,” Sohryu added. “Continue.”

 

Touda nodded in agreement with Sohryu’s theory. It wasn’t that he was afraid of a mongoose, he’d never actually met one, but historically, he knew that they were a snake’s natural enemy. Of course, Rikugo’s theory touched a little too closely on the rest of his experience with the spirit. The fear of hurting Byakko the way he had so many others when he’d lost control all those years ago… He’d rather die, literally, than let that happen again. Being locked in a confined space, being denied the outside world and the sun had been his greatest fear for many years once he’d been released from the depths of his prison. Then, he’d fallen in love and that had changed many things including what terrified him above all else.

 

Touda broke out of his thoughts and realized that Sohryu was still waiting for the rest of the story. “Then Tsuzuki called Byakko who attacked immediately. He had the thing ripped half to shreds before it had a chance to change again, but it did change and it looked for all the world like a giant catnip mouse. When Byakko began to be affected by whatever it was doing, he staggered away and left it behind. I closed with it and finished what was left with a blast of quick hellfire. That’s pretty much it.” Touda cracked a small, lopsided smile. “He looked so damn cute playing in the daisies. I wish you could have seen him.”

 

Rikugo nodded. “I see. So, the catnip wasn’t real, but the tranquilizers may have reinforced the effect of the magical attack on his mind so that even once the creature’s influence was removed, the idea of it was still locked in place. If that is the case, his mind will continue to force him to play out the scenario until it thinks the ‘catnip’ is out of his system. He won’t get better until he thinks it’s time to be better, at least not without serious psychic interference and I’d really rather not attempt that. His mind has already been interfered with in some way by this entity and if my probing backfired, it could lock him into this altered mindset permanently.”

 

Byakko’s left paw twitched and a growl like purr rumbled deep in his throat.

 

“He’s waking up,” Sohryu observed. “I’ve got to get him out of the city.”

 

Rikugo nodded. “I agree. Shall I call Suzaku to help you move him?”

 

“No time,” was all Sohryu said before he shifted to his dragon form and picked Byakko up gently with his jaws.

 

“Wait a second!” Touda exclaimed, his eyes flashing in anger and confusion over his lover’s manhandling. “What the hell are you doing?”

 

“We have to get him out of the city, Touda,” Rikugo stated matter-of-factly. “He’s a danger to everyone here right now.”

 

Incredulous, Touda shouted, “From a little catnip? You can’t be serious!”

 

“I’m afraid we are, Touda.” Rikugo paused to nod at Sohryu and the great dragon took wing.

 

Touda took a step forward to pursue the pair when Rikugo grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.

 

“Wait! Let me explain, please. I know it sounds rather strange to you, but the danger is real. It’s… it’s happened before.”

 

Touda looked back and forth between Sohryu’s rapidly disappearing form and Rikugo’s grave expression. “Make it fast,” he growled.

 

Rikugo sighed and sat down in front of the nearby building on one of its massive stone steps. “The incidents happened quite some time ago, long before your release. Byakko was still very young the first time and no one was yet aware of his condition. One day when he and his classmates were having a sleepover at someone’s home, his friends decided to play a practical joke on him and replaced the stuffing in his pillow with catnip. I think the youngsters just assumed that it would make him rather drunk and they could get him to play the fool in front of them. A rather cruel joke, though I imagine no real harm was ever intended.   As it turned out, however, Byakko apparently has a very extreme reaction to catnip and it all went very badly, very quickly. It was, frankly, a miracle that no one was killed. He did hurt most of the people in the house, including his friends, some quite seriously, and he leveled an entire city block before we could get to him and stop him.”

 

Touda took in Rikugo’s quietly spoken words and looked around them to make certain no one had over heard. Dropping onto the step next to him, Touda asked softly, “You said incidents, plural. I take it there was another event besides this one.”

 

Rikugo nodded. “There was a second incident more recently involving Suzaku. I don’t know as much about that one, she certainly never talks about it, but Byakko ended up just outside of town and flattened half a mountain in his rage.” Rikugo paused. “I know this must seem strange to you, never having seen this side of him, but believe me when I say that this is as much for his sake as it is for ours. When he’s like this, you can’t restrain him without injuring him and then afterwards he seems to go into a deep depression.”

 

Touda gave Rikugo a pointed look. “I don’t like it, but I understand it better than you think. Where will Sohryu take him?”

 

Rikugo nodded sympathetically when he finally realized what Touda meant. Touda understood perfectly well. He’d lost control and there’s been no one to stop him until after he had already killed thousands. He’d borne the years of guilt and pain alone in his cell until Tsuzuki freed him and gave him another chance. Perhaps the bond between the two men made more sense than any of them had previously realized.

 

“I’m not really certain,” Rikugo finally responded, compassion clear in the tone of his voice. It was an unfortunate situation and he could understand both Sohryu’s obligation to his people and the fierce love and devotion that Touda had shown for Byakko since the two men became a couple. His own paternal feelings for Byakko made the situation even more difficult to face. “Sohryu will want to get as far away from everyone as he can, but he has a limited amount of time, I think. Given his direction when he took off, I would guess that he’s trying to make for Celingan Rocks.”

 

Without a word or a backward glance, Touda bolted up, shifted forms and launched himself into the sky over the city.

 

Touda flew full out for fifteen minutes before he caught sight of Sohryu’s form racing ahead of him. The dragon was fast, but not quite as fast as Touda. He had to have been flying at top speed to have stayed ahead of him for this long.

 

Touda dropped from the sky and landed next to Sohryu as the leader of the shikigami gently laid his charge down at the top of a rocky plateau. Dropping his serpent form, Touda changed back and looked up in disbelief as Sohryu immediately retook to the skies.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Touda shouted at the dragon in disbelief.

 

The water dragon’s eyes flashed in anger and he returned to the ground to shift forms as well. “Watch your mouth, Touda. I’ll excuse you this time, but don’t you ever speak to me that way again.”

 

Touda knew he was pushing it; Sohryu was their leader and a dragon to boot. There were always issues of pride and respect involved when dealing with dragons, and Touda wasn’t exactly well liked to begin with. He was treading on dangerous ground. Where his lover’s welfare was concerned, however, he wasn’t above acting recklessly, even with Sohryu.

 

“With all due respect, MY LORD,” there was a little too much sarcastic emphasis on the address to be remotely sincere, but he was at least using the proper form. “You aren’t going to just leave him here alone, are you?”

 

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Sohryu informed a shocked Touda. “And I would advise you to do the same.”

 

“He’s unconscious! Defenseless!”

 

“He’s a god and he’s far from defenseless. When he’s like this, he doesn’t always know friend from foe, so unless you want to find out first hand exactly how deadly he can be, leave now.” Trying to calm his anger, Sohryu took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Look, I don’t really care if he kicks your stubborn ass from here halfway into the desert, but I do care about Byakko and it would destroy him if…”

 

Sohryu was interrupted when Byakko’s eyes started to flutter and the majestic cat arched his back and extended his paws to stretch where he was lying on the cooling rocks.

 

“Touda, please, for his sake, leave now,” Sohryu pleaded.

 

Touda looked down at the stretching cat lazing in the setting light of the sun and simply couldn’t perceive the danger. “Go ahead and leave,” he said quietly. “I’m staying.”

 

“Touda,” Sohryu tried one last time before he shifted back into dragon form and took to the sky.

 

Byakko took his time waking up and Touda settled on a nearby rock to watch his lover lounging in the late afternoon light of a setting sun. The tiger turned and twisted from side to side and alternated rubbing his head along the rocks with licking one large paw and washing his face with it. Touda had never seen his lover look so much like a kitten and decided that he was glad he’d opted to stay.

 

Then the wind shifted. Byakko caught the scent of Touda’s blood in the air and he raised his head to find the source of the smell. Intense, red eyes locked onto Touda’s own, but he saw no immediate sign of recognition in them. Byakko’s lips curled back and exposed deadly fangs as a frightening growl rose in his throat.

 

“Byakko,” Touda said calmly. “It’s alright. It’s just me. There’s no one else here. You’re safe.”

 

The cat paused and turned its head to the side, suddenly curious about the creature before him. He seemed familiar… Byakko sniffed again and one thought broke through the fog in his mind – mate.

 


	3. Meanwhile in Meifu

**Chapter Three:**

Back in Meifu, the three shinigami materialized in front of the ministry building.

 

“Go home and change clothes, Tsuzuki,” Tatsumi ordered. “You look like something…”

 

“The cat dragged in?” Watari finished helpfully with a laugh.

 

Tatsumi adjusted his glasses and resisted the urge to smile. His lover had a very odd sense of humor sometimes. “Yes, well. Go home and change and then get back to the office before Hisoka has finished the entire report for you again.” Tatsumi took two steps before turning back to add, “And don’t forget to attach the addendum for the incident report either.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Tsuzuki answered. He didn’t understand any of it, but he was sure Hisoka would know which forms Tatsumi was expecting them to use. After a quick change of clothing, Tsuzuki walked back to the office and found his partner hard at work.

 

“I have most of the report finished, but you’ll need to fill out this one portion yourself.” Hisoka handed a sheaf of papers to Tsuzuki and pointed at a large blank area. “I don’t really know… I wasn’t aware of what was…” Hisoka’s hand began to shake and his overly professional manner started to crack.

 

Tsuzuki didn’t need empathic powers to see how tightly Hisoka was holding himself. The incident had affected him strongly.

 

Tsuzuki reached out to take the papers from his partner. “It’s okay, Hisoka. I understand.” Tsuzuki did understand. If the creature had said anything to Hisoka that was even remotely like what he’d been subjected to…

 

Tsuzuki shuddered. If it had been anything like his own experience, Hisoka would have a hard time shaking it off. Maybe they needed to talk about what had happened. “Why don’t we go get something to eat, Hisoka? It’ll make both of us feel better.” There had to be hot chocolate somewhere in Meifu, even at this hour, and Tsuzuki wanted another piece of the apple pie he’d been denied earlier in the day.

 

Hisoka had dropped the focus of his eyes to the surface of his desk after handing over the papers to his partner. After Tsuzuki’s question, he sat wearily in his chair and looked down at his dirty sneakers. “I’m not really hungry, Tsuzuki,” he answered. When his partner didn’t respond, Hisoka made the mistake of looking up and glancing into Tsuzuki’s hopeful, puppy dog eyes. _‘Mistake,’_ Hisoka thought, _‘big, big mistake.’_ Hisoka sighed heavily and conceded, “I suppose I might want something by the time you finish all the paperwork though.”

 

Tsuzuki beamed with joy and trotted over to his desk. The paperwork for the case would be filled out and submitted in record time, but Hisoka wondered how many times Tatsumi would send it back before he was satisfied with it.

 

With his partner’s focus finally directed away from him, Hisoka leaned back in his chair and felt the beginnings of a panic attack threatening to creep up on him. It was one thing to hold it together when he could keep himself busy, but now with nothing left to do, the thoughts were beginning to intrude again.

 

Hisoka stood up and pulled his denim jacket off the back of his chair. He needed to move. He needed to get some air. “If you don’t need me for anything, I’m gonna take off and head back to my apartment. Give me a call when you’re done and I’ll meet up with you somewhere.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded reluctantly. It wasn’t his first choice, he’d rather have had Hisoka nearby so that he could watch over him, but he also knew that his partner hated his overprotective streak. Maybe Hisoka really could benefit from some time alone. Maybe they both could. It’s not as though there were dangers lurking around every corner here in Meifu and they wouldn’t be apart for long. Tsuzuki smiled at Hisoka and watched him walk out of the office.

 

Now alone in the bullpen, Tsuzuki tried to focus his attention back to the forms lying on his desk. Reading through his partner’s account of the incident, Tsuzuki flashed back to that moment when Hisoka’s mental cry of desperation had awoken him and he remembered vividly the anguish and panic he felt at seeing his partner physically immobilized with pain and fear. The pain had been almost too much to bear and while it had only taken a few seconds to summon Byakko to his side and explain the situation to his devoted shikigami, it had taken a huge effort and had felt like an eternity.

 

Tsuzuki put pen to paper and hurriedly filled out all the necessary details on the rest of the incident. If he was lucky, maybe going through the motions of recalling the event would help to put it all behind him. Somehow, he doubted it.

 

At least he had dinner to look forward to, he thought, as he signed the form and dropped it in the collection box outside Tatsumi’s office. His boss was definitely still inside, but Tsuzuki didn’t feel like being held up if Tatsumi found fault with the report and Watari had closed the door behind him when he’d swept through the bullpen and gone into the private office ten minutes earlier. Now there were… sounds coming from the room that didn’t bear investigating.

 

Grabbing his trench coat, Tsuzuki crept stealthily to the exit and made good his escape. He was halfway to Hisoka’s apartment when he realized that, in his haste, he’d forgotten to call and arrange for them to meet somewhere. Pulling out his cell phone, Tsuzuki punched in Hisoka’s number and was surprised to hear ringing echoing in both of his ears.

 

 

Hisoka had intended to go home; take a nice, long, roundabout walk, tire himself out, and go home. It hadn’t worked out that way. He’d started off by walking calmly in the direction of his apartment, but the voices were still in pursuit. As the panic began to set in, Hisoka remembered running, caring nothing for where he was headed. When he heard the always chilling sound of Muraki’s laugh ringing in his ears, Hisoka’s eyes darted around, taking in the area around himself and realized that he had run right into a grove of cherry trees that lined the lane leading away from the ministry. The irony was too much, Hisoka decided, and he forcibly stopped his headlong dash into the night. After leaning against the trunk of one of the massive trees to catch his breath, he slid to the ground and surrendered to all the thoughts swirling in his mind, giving them free rein.

 

They were just voices. They couldn’t actually hurt him. If he broke down out here, it didn’t really matter. There would be no witnesses to his shame except the Sakura and Hisoka knew from personal experience that they kept all of their secrets well hidden, especially where it concerned one Kazutaka Muraki. Sliding his legs out in front of him, Hisoka rested on the ground, his back against the knobbly trunk, and looked up at the night sky. “Here I am again. What now?” he asked the demons he carried with him.

 

His traitorous memory was overly eager to comply and as it replayed the incident from earlier in the day, Hisoka listened to all the voices. At the time, he’d felt as though it was Muraki taunting him once again as he always did when they met. Now though, with time and distance, Hisoka recognized it as something more. The accusations he couldn’t seem to escape, that were tormenting him so cruelly, were actually his own thoughts and fears about himself. Given that so many of his negative feelings were wrapped up in the events surrounding his death, it was hardly surprising that his guilt and fear might also come out sounding like the doctor who had killed him. _‘Who raped and killed me,’_ Hisoka amended in his head.

 

Once he had finally managed to uncover the circumstances surrounding his death and the identity of his killer, Hisoka had pursued his revenge, laying the blame for all his misery at the doctor’s doorstep. In the end though, he’d given his hatred up. It was no longer Muraki or even his own family that he was still angry with, it was himself. For years, Hisoka had been tortured and had suffered horribly, first at the hands of his father and then under the ‘care’ of his physician who had brutally raped and killed him. Before his final end however, he’d also experienced a brief moment of pleasure, of long denied attention and tenderness in the hands of that madman and Hisoka wondered if he would ever forgive himself for allowing that one moment of joy to happen.

 

He wanted to be loved, he wanted to be understood instead of feared; he wanted to have a friend. He hadn’t asked for what had happened on that last night of his life though, had he? He hadn’t wanted to be taken that way, truly, but his body had betrayed him. It had reacted on its own to the touches that it felt in all the right places; that he’d always been denied before in his short time on earth. _‘How could I have been aroused, even for a second? Why?’_ Hisoka asked himself the same questions he’d asked a thousand times before. In all the years since his death, since he’d finally remembered exactly what had happened to him that night under the full, red moon, he’d never stopped asking himself those questions.

 

After Kyoto, Hisoka had been forced to admit, to himself if no one else, that he was in love with his partner. Tsuzuki was the most important thing to him – more important than anything else in his afterlife, more important than his desire for revenge. Knowing that he was in love with a man increased Hisoka’s doubts and confusion. How could he want to be with Tsuzuki in that way? Did that mean that he’d wanted what Muraki had done to him? Had he asked for it in some way he didn’t understand? Had his empathic powers caused the doctor to react to an attraction on Hisoka’s part?

 

Hisoka shook his head violently to stop the wild train of thoughts that were racing through his head. “No!” he screamed into his hands that first covered his face and then tore at his hair. _‘I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it. It was rape. It was violence. It WAS rape!’_

 

 _‘But you liked the pain,’_ the voices insisted.

 

 _‘Go away,’_ Hisoka commanded.

 

 _‘You want Tsuzuki to give you pain and pleasure. You know you do,’_ the seductive voice purred in his head.

 

 _‘Yes, I do,’_ he admitted to the voices. Hisoka released the grip he had on his hair and transferred his hands to the ground, needing to feel its solidity under him. A wave of clarity came over him and Hisoka breathed deeply in the crisp night air. _‘So what if I want Tsuzuki to do things to me? Isn’t it different if I ask for it, if I want it? If I want him to do it to me because I love him and it will give us pleasure, isn’t that different than wanting to be afraid? It isn’t the act, right? It’s the intent, the connection that makes it love. Sex is just sex; the morality isn’t attached to the act, but to the people who do it. Fear isn’t love and selfish violence isn’t love, that’s what makes it different.’_

Hisoka tilted his head back and took in the vastness of the night sky. His feelings for Tsuzuki were in no way similar to the fear and loathing he’d felt for Muraki. This was different. He had to believe that it could be different for them. It was different. It had to be.

 

The shrill sound of his cell phone ringing broke through the contemplative silence of the still night air and jarred Hisoka back to reality. Pulling himself together, Hisoka reached into his coat, retrieved the noisy phone and answered it just after the third ring.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hisoka?”

 

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka took a deep breath. _‘Right,’_ he thought, _‘I asked him to call when he was done.’_ “Are you finished with the report already?”

 

There was a long pause with no answer.

 

“Tsuzuki? Are you there? I asked if you turned in the report.” Behind him, Hisoka heard a twig snap. Adrenaline surging, he rolled quickly to one side, crouched on his hands and feet and saw – Tsuzuki.

 

“What are you doing here?” Hisoka asked breathlessly and suddenly realized that he still had his phone open when he heard his own voice reflected in front of him from Tsuzuki’s cell. Feeling foolish, Hisoka pushed the button to end the call, snapped the case shut with an authoritative crack, and thrust the device back into his pocket.

 

Tsuzuki smiled shyly and scratched at the back of his head as he fumbled with his phone. “I could hear your cell phone ringing when I called and I just followed the sound of your voice. It seemed silly to talk on the phone if you were only forty feet away.”

 

“Right,” Hisoka said dryly as he stood up and dusted the dirt and grass off of his jeans. “So where did you want to go to eat?”

 

Tsuzuki took in Hisoka’s haggard face and nervous demeanor and wanted desperately to hug his partner and try to make things right for him again. Hisoka was touchy about his personal space though, and being touched, especially when he was upset, might just make things worse. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and answered, “We’re already so close to your place. Why don’t we just pick up some take out and eat there? If you don’t mind, that is? I mean, we might be more comfortable and we’re both kinda beat and…” Tsuzuki knew that he was rambling; he just couldn’t seem to figure out how to stop.

 

“Sure,” Hisoka answered tonelessly. “Let’s go.”

 

 

Thirty minutes later, the pair were sitting on a sofa in Hisoka’s silent apartment and poking at the remnants of their half eaten meals. Unable to bear the quiet any longer, Tsuzuki stood up and stretched. “Would you like me to take the rest of this back to the kitchen?” He gestured at the take out containers that littered the surface of the coffee table and started to sort the remaining food from the trash.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Hisoka answered sullenly before rising to join him.

 

After clearing the trash, each of them grabbed a handful of containers and quickly cleaned up the coffee table. Tsuzuki washed up the tea cups and the handful of silverware they’d used while Hisoka covered the leftovers and tossed them into the refrigerator.

 

Hisoka wasn’t used to dealing with leftovers, at least, not when Tsuzuki was visiting. _‘I guess he’s still shaken by what happened today, too,’_ he thought. Still facing the refrigerator, Hisoka asked softly, “Did you want to talk about today?” Behind him, the room went eerily quiet as Tsuzuki suddenly froze in place.

 

“Can you?” Tsuzuki finally responded.

 

Misunderstanding what his partner was asking, Hisoka replied, “Dummy! I told you that you could always talk to me. You bottle stuff up too much. I’m always here for you.” Without waiting, Hisoka turned and led the way back to the sofa. “I’m assuming that this thing was making you re-live Kyoto since you called for Touda,” he guessed as he sank into the cushions.

 

Tsuzuki paced the carpet in front of the sofa. He hadn’t really meant to unburden himself on his partner, but maybe if he went first, it would be easier to get Hisoka to talk later. “It was more like reminders of Sargaatanas,” he finally answered without meeting Hisoka’s gaze. “Although, I suppose I called Touda today for same reason that I did in Kyoto – to burn it all away.”

 

Hisoka stared at Tsuzuki and blinked. His partner hadn’t talked much about the incident when the parasitic demon had possessed him, but then the events in Kyoto rather overshadowed everything else around it for a long time afterward. “Will you tell me what you heard?”

 

Tsuzuki dropped heavily onto the couch next to Hisoka. “I think it found every fear I’ve ever had. It looked like me and sounded like me. It said I was a murderer, a failure, and a coward. It was like looking into a mirror and listening to all my worst sins. He said – the other me – he said that I enjoyed cutting you up when I thought you were Hijiri and then he asked me if I wanted to do it again, do that and… other things.”

 

Tsuzuki tucked one leg up and turned sideways on the sofa to face his partner, face white in terror and tears in his eyes. He grabbed Hisoka’s shoulders and turned the young man to face him. “I swear Hisoka, I won’t hurt you. I won’t let myself hurt you ever again. I’ll die first. I –“

 

“Tsuzuki, stop it!” Hisoka was torn between wanting to hug his desperate friend and wanting to pull away and hide from the intense emotions as they poured into his mind. He settled for grabbing onto Tsuzuki’s shoulders, completing their link, and shaking him. “You’re safe,” he asserted. “I’m safe. Calm down.”

 

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Tsuzuki let go of his partner and dropped his hands into his lap. “I probably gave you a bad shock. I’m not very good at controlling my feelings where you’re-”   Tsuzuki cut himself off. He hadn’t meant to say so much. “Where my friends are concerned,” he amended. “I’m sorry for going off like that. You’ve been through a lot today too.”

 

Hisoka released his friend and moved away to slouch back into the cushions once again. “S’okay.”

 

“No, I mean…” Tsuzuki struggled to find a way to get Hisoka to talk. “You called out to me for help today.”

 

Hisoka’s head snapped back up and he stared at Tsuzuki in shock. “I did what?”

 

“When you were being attacked, you reached out with your mind somehow and I heard you call my name,” Tsuzuki explained. “That’s what woke me up, I think.”

 

Hisoka went back to examining his hands and the room was silent but for the ticking of a wall clock.

 

“I saw your part of the report,” Tsuzuki ventured, “how Touda got me away from the entity and then got caught himself. I read how you tried to help and then it turned on you as well.” Tsuzuki paused, hoping that his partner would jump in, but Hisoka merely shrugged his shoulders. “Please talk to me, Hisoka. I know what I went through and I can only imagine what you must have seen and heard. I want to help.”

 

Wanting a change of scenery from his well-studied hands, Hisoka craned his head to rest against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. He sighed as he realized that it wasn’t much of an improvement or a better way to escape the question. “It was Muraki. You already know that. Well, it was and it wasn’t. It was his voice, his face… those eyes…” His voice trailed off before Hisoka forced himself back to his explanation. “It was a representation of him, but it was really my own fears and hang-ups. It was all the things I’ve let him do to me, the things I’ve let him make me.”

 

“Let him? You didn’t **let** him, Hisoka. You can’t believe that.” Tsuzuki was incredulous. Surely Hisoka didn’t believe that he’d been responsible for what had happened to him.

 

“I don’t mean the events of that night, Tsuzuki. I’m talking about what I’ve done with my life, well, my afterlife, since. I couldn’t let it go and so Enma made me a shinigami, and I’m glad about that part. Meeting the rest of you here has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. What happened after my death, I mean, that was my choice. I can’t blame everything on Muraki anymore. I chose to let it rule my life, to let it rule my feelings. I chose to remain a victim.   He only took control of my body for one night, but by letting it rule me, I’m letting him rule me. I didn’t have a choice when he raped me, but all the choices I’ve made since then, all the choices I’ve avoided since then, are my own fault.”

 

The outrage on Tsuzuki’s face gave way to confusion as he listened. “Hisoka, I don’t understand.”

 

“I’m playing out Muraki’s curse and my family’s curse. I’m the product of what they’ve done to me, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Though I still carry physical reminders of the events, I’m free of the people who perpetrated them, all of them. And yet, look at me now.  I was bitter and untrusting when I came here and I still am. I can’t walk away from it in my mind. There are good things, good people waiting out there for me to let them in and I’m too paralyzed by my past experiences to do anything about it. I’m allowing my fear to steal the extra time that I’ve been granted. I’m giving up the freedom that I was given after I died. It isn’t Muraki’s fault that I haven’t moved on since then, it’s mine.”

 

“Moved… on?” Tsuzuki’s face registered his bewilderment. They were dead. They were servants of Enma. Where was there to go except to their final oblivion? Hisoka wasn’t thinking about ascending, was he? Tsuzuki felt a moment of fear and panic at the thought of going on without his partner.

 

“Do you really think I don’t know how you feel about me? I’m not that stupid, Tsuzuki. I know you love me and the fact is that I love you too. I just don’t know what to do about it. Am I a coward? Am I afraid of being hurt? Am I some kind of sick freak that is hoping you’ll get tired of waiting and force yourself on me?”

 

Tsuzuki goggled. “Hisoka! I would never, ever-”

 

“No, Tsuzuki. I know you wouldn’t. I’m not really talking about you, but about myself, about my wants and fears and insecurities. That’s what the entity said to me, you know. It said that I wanted to turn you into a rapist because I was a perverted coward.”

 

“Oh, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki started.

 

When his partner started speaking, Hisoka closed his eyes, not certain he could face seeing Tsuzuki’s reaction to all of the things he’d just said and admitted to. It was bad enough that he would have to hear and feel Tsuzuki’s reaction, but the sight of Tsuzuki’s impending disappointment, that at least he could block out.

 

“You aren’t a coward, Hisoka. I’ve loved you for so long and I’ve never said a word. What should you have thought? I told myself that I didn’t want to pressure you with my feelings when you didn’t feel the same way. You were a friend, a good friend, and you wouldn’t want to be anything more, especially after what Muraki did to you. It’s really just an excuse though. I should have told you. I should have believed in you enough to have spoken up instead of forcing you to do it. I’m sorry, Hisoka.”

 

Hisoka’s eyes popped open. Snapped out of his unfounded dread by Tsuzuki’s guilt ridden reaction, green eyes flashed as they turned on his partner’s slumped over form next to him on the sofa. “Stop saying that you’re sorry, Tsuzuki. No one’s really to blame unless we both are. So we’re poster children for dysfunction? Big deal. We’ve been though hell and back, literally. I think we’re entitled to a few neuroses. The real question is: What do we do about them? I’m tired of letting them run my life. I want more.”

 

In a moment of boldness, Hisoka pulled his feet up onto the sofa and sat up on his heels. Reaching forward, he grabbed Tsuzuki’s head with both hands and pulled him forward into a kiss. What had started in manic desperation gradually eased into a gentle passion of soft lips and tenderly exploring hands as Hisoka felt Tsuzuki respond and join into the kiss. Feeling Tsuzuki’s fingers running though his hair, across his shoulders, and down his arms, Hisoka let go of the tension he’d been feeling all day and eased himself into Tsuzuki’s strong arms. They fell back against the couch and, even after the kiss ended, stayed in that position just holding one another.

 

Tsuzuki felt no need to talk anymore. His nervous energy had finally burnt itself out and he was exhausted. It had been such a horrible day for the both of them, but it had ended better than he could ever have hoped. As he drifted off to sleep with Hisoka who was already napping in his arms, Tsuzuki spared a moment to reflect on the two shikigami who had answered his call. _‘Some scratches and a head full of catnip,’_ he thought to himself. _‘They certainly got off easy.’_

 


	4. The Pain You Choose

**Chapter Four:**

 

Byakko stalked his lover, circling Touda and moving steadily closer. When he was near enough, Byakko nudged at Touda’s bloody right arm with a velvety nose before running his tongue up its length.

 

Touda stood transfixed and stared at his partner. It wasn’t as though Byakko hadn’t done the self same thing on many occasions before this; it was just that something this time felt very different. Then, he’d always been in his human form and the act had been playful and caring, now, something about it seemed more possessive, suspicious… hungry. A nervous feeling settled in the pit of Touda’s stomach. This wasn’t the Byakko he knew. He’d have to be very careful.

 

The great cat moved forward, pushing against Touda’s legs and unbalancing him. Staggering, Touda flailed his arms and tried to regain his balance. Byakko growled and nipped at Touda’s arms until he gave up and sat down on the ground. Large, red eyes, now level with his own, burned in front of Touda’s face. Byakko’s growl faded to a deep rumble and he licked at his lover’s face. With one paw, he pushed Touda to the ground and loomed over him.

 

Touda tried to remain calm and perfectly still as the enormous cat sniffed at him from head to toe and back. He’d always before watched with pride as he saw Byakko fight. His partner moved with deadly grace and precision. Now though, Touda felt more like prey than ally and he had a whole new appreciation for the god’s strength.

 

Byakko crouched over Touda’s chest and moved away with a mouth full of shirt. When the stubborn fabric refused to give way and Touda’s body rose off of the ground, Byakko extended his claws and shredded the garment until it fell away. Two new cuts, this time from his lover’s deadly talons, joined the bites and scratches from Touda’s earlier battle with the errant sentinel spirit.

 

Touda winced in pain as Byakko ran a rough tongue over both sets of now exposed injuries and then whispered quietly, “Byakko, please, that stings.”

 

Byakko took a brief pause from his attentions and raised his head to look into Touda’s eyes as he struggled to understand the request.

 

Touda could read confusion, and pain, and love, too, but it was all covered over with a dangerous sheen of madness that set his nerves on edge.

 

After a moment, Byakko resumed his examination of his mate’s body and started to nip and paw at Touda’s belt and pants.

 

Without thinking, Touda reached down to remove his clothes. Byakko responded to the movement and Touda heard a growl and felt hot breath against his neck. “It’s okay. I’m not fighting you. I’m just going to take them off. That’s what you want, right?” Touda tried to keep his voice steady, but even he could hear a note of fear in his words. Byakko was starting to frighten him.

 

To his relief, the tiger quieted and moved off to the side. Touda stripped away the last of his clothing under the intent focus of burning, red eyes.   Now naked, he waited to see what Byakko would do next.

 

The cat returned to Touda’s side and nuzzled him with his head. The feeling of his lover’s thick fur against his naked flesh aroused him despite his fear. Byakko sniffed at Touda’s erection and rumbled a great purr of approval.

 

The tiger’s tongue appeared again, but this time he used it on Touda’s nipples instead of over any injuries. Touda closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. This was the man he loved. He shouldn’t be so afraid. At any other time, his lover was gentle and playful and giving. Right now, though, Byakko wasn’t thinking rationally. This Byakko was forceful and serious and it didn’t look as though he’d take kindly to the answer no with regard to anything. The others had been right.

 

Touda could stop this if he wanted to. He was a god as well and a very powerful one. There would be a price to pay though. There would be a fight, likely a very nasty one and they would both doubtless be injured before it ended. Touda had a choice to make.

 

As Byakko’s talented tongue shifted from his nipples to his cock, a distracted Touda let go of his fears and resigned himself to whatever might come. It was still his Byakko in there somewhere, he reminded himself, still his lover. Touda had believed in him enough to risk his heart on Byakko years ago when their relationship first started, why stop now?

 

Touda knew first hand that no physical pain in the world could be worse than the pain that attacks the heart and mind and he had faith that Byakko would never hurt him that way. Byakko was vulnerable right now and Touda owed it to him to protect him from harm. It was why he had chosen to stay behind despite the warnings from both Sohryu and Rikugo. Touda would do whatever was necessary to protect Byakko from everything and he would never, ever hurt him. He couldn’t fight against his loved ones ever again.

 

The tongue dipped lower and ran over and under Touda’s balls. _‘That was different,’_ Touda thought as his eyes shot open.

 

Byakko nudged Touda’s hip with his head and urged him wordlessly to roll over.

 

Touda moaned aloud into the rocks under him as Byakko pushed his muzzle forward into the crack of his ass and left a trail of wetness that ran down his thighs.

 

With each swipe of his tongue, Byakko licked a little harder, forcing saliva into and over the tight ring of muscle in front of him.

 

Touda froze with the sudden realization that he was about to get fucked. Although generally Touda topped in their lovemaking, Byakko had done it on occasion and Touda certainly didn’t object on principal. The fact remained, however, that Byakko was still in his tiger form and the size of the erection that Touda spotted between his legs gave him good reason to worry.

 

“Byakko?” Touda asked hesitantly. When the tiger shifted back, Touda risked a glance over his shoulder and found Byakko’s eyes. “I do want you, Byakko,” he stated gently and earnestly as he rolled over and propped himself up by one elbow, “but please shift to your other form.”

 

The cat cocked his head to one side as though puzzled by the request.

 

“You can have me, I promise. Just, please change over to your human form. It’ll be easier for both of us.” Touda was encouraged that Byakko had stopped to listen to his request without anger even if it did appear that the cat was still in great confusion.

 

Byakko closed his eyes and furrowed his feline brow. For a moment Touda was afraid that he’d pushed too far, but the large black and white tiger shimmered and resettled into the form of Byakko he’d always lain with before.

 

Touda eased back down onto the chilly rocks and huffed out the breath he’d been holding since he’d made the only request he dared. He didn’t bottom often when they had sex, but he suspected that Byakko’s patience with him wouldn’t stand any more delays. Struggling to ignore both the unforgiving cold stone at his back and his fear of what was to come, Touda knew if he didn’t find a way to calm his nerves and relax, and soon, he was going to get hurt.

 

Byakko’s eyes snapped open and he rushed forward at Touda’s prostrate form. Wasting no time, Byakko threw Touda’s legs over his shoulders and forced himself inside.

 

Feeling his flesh tear under the force of Byakko’s initial thrust, Touda bit down on his lip, but was unable to stifle his scream. He needn’t have worried, however, as the noise seemed to have no effect on his lover. Byakko continued to pound into Touda relentlessly, grunting in his pleasure. There was no kissing, no touching, no tenderness at all; only frenzied and impersonal sex and a vicious, burning pain that was eased only by a little saliva and now Touda’s own blood. Once the initial shock passed, Touda panted through the pain as best he could and prayed it would end soon. The whole event, everything he’d witnessed and experienced, was so unlike Byakko that it seemed to Touda to be almost like sleeping with a stranger.

 

Mercifully however, at the pounding and relentless pace he’d set, it wasn’t long before Byakko let out a howl signaling his climax and released himself deep inside Touda’s battered body. Dripping with sweat and gasping for breath, Byakko pulled himself abruptly out of Touda’s body and collapsed to the side, exhausted.

 

Now freed from his lover’s aggressive attentions, Touda resisted the urge to curl into a ball. The searing pain in his ass had given way eventually to a dull throbbing ache throughout his lower half, but he was still bruised and torn. Touda looked over at the man finally sleeping so calmly and quietly next to him and smiled in spite of himself. Now, in his sleep, he looked like his Byakko again.

 

Touda reached over, wincing as he moved, and brushed a stray lock of white hair away from Byakko’s innocent face. Maybe he should feel angry or afraid, Touda thought as he contemplated his lover, but Byakko was peaceful now and Touda had been able to give him that peace so he felt oddly contented. As he picked up a scrap of shirt and cleaned himself off, Touda shook his head. “Damn, Snake,” he whispered aloud to himself in the crisp night air. “When you fall, you fall hard. You’ve got it bad for this one.”

 

The last time Touda had been in love, he’d lost his partner and his mind. The loss had driven him to insanity. A grief mad Touda had flattened the main city and he’d blindly killed friends and colleagues. Losing his freedom after he was finally stopped was a small price to pay for what he’d lost and what he’d taken. He couldn’t lose another lover, no matter what it cost him personally. He wouldn’t, couldn’t go through that ever again.

 

Running gentle fingers over Byakko’s fluffy eyebrows and down his cheek, Touda gritted his teeth. _‘This was nothing. Do you understand, Byakko? I would do all this and more for you and I will protect you.’_ Touda closed his eyes made his vow. _‘I will protect you from your enemies, all of them, including my demons and your own.’_

 

Touda opened his eyes and smiled as Byakko curled up against the warmth of his arm. Reclining on the rocks beside his lover, Touda scooted up next to Byakko’s body and smiled. “Oh yeah, Snake, you’ve got it bad, very, very bad.”

 

 

 


	5. The Restless Night

**Chapter Five:**

 

 

Tsuzuki bolted upright on the couch and dislodged Hisoka who had been sleeping soundly with his head against Tsuzuki’s shoulder. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and his pulse was pounding.

 

“What is it?” Hisoka asked, his senses suddenly alert and searching for danger. When he neither saw nor felt anything unusual in the apartment, he guessed, “Nightmare?”

 

Tsuzuki took three deep breaths and tried to calm his racing heart. “Maybe. I didn’t think so, but it might have been. I just had this horrible sensation that Touda was in trouble, that he was in pain.” He shook his head. “It’s probably nothing. I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

 

Hisoka swung his legs to the floor and stood up. “You’re still white as a sheet. I’m going to get you a glass of juice. I think you could use a hit of sugar.”

 

Tsuzuki watched his partner leave the room and then looked down at his shaking hands. He wanted to believe that it was a nightmare, but it felt like so much more. While Tsuzuki’s connection with his shikigami wasn’t of the same depth and intimacy as Terazuma’s, there were times when strong emotions did come through and his bond with Touda was the strongest of them all.

 

Tsuzuki closed his eyes and tentatively poked into the corners of his mind where his connection to the fire serpent resided. There was still pain there, and a little fear and confusion, but it didn’t feel so urgent anymore and it did feel as though it was tapering away.

 

“Tsuzuki?”

 

Tsuzuki heard Hisoka’s voice and opened his eyes. His partner had returned with both a large glass of juice and a cool, wet washcloth.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Hisoka asked.

 

Tsuzuki accepted the washcloth with gratitude and wiped his face and hands before carefully taking the glass and sipping the juice. “Thank you, Hisoka. I feel a little better already.”

 

“You look worried. Should you contact him? Ask him what’s going on?”

 

“Ummm, maybe,” Tsuzuki answered.

 

Hisoka’s eyes opened wide. As a general rule, Tsuzuki hated interfering in the lives of his shikigami. At least, that’s how Tsuzuki perceived the interaction. The truth was that all twelve of them welcomed any and all contact with their master and friend. That Tsuzuki wasn’t immediately dismissing the suggestion told Hisoka just how worried his partner really was. “Go ahead. You don’t have to bring him here, just see if he answers you. If you don’t, you’ll only keep worrying about it all night.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded, closed his eyes again, and reached out for his connection to Touda.

 

~Touda? ~

 

~hmm… Tsuzuki?! Do you need me? ~ Touda had just fallen asleep and tried to sit up at his master’s call.

 

Tsuzuki sensed a flash of pain at the end of the serpent’s thoughts. ~No, I’m sorry to disturb you. I was just… worried about you. Is everything okay? ~

 

Touda gave himself a mental kick in the pants. Tsuzuki must have caught some of his pain and distress over their link. ~Everything is fine, Tsuzuki. There was a little problem with Byakko, but we’re both going to be alright. Please don’t worry. ~

 

Tsuzuki felt a little guilty that he’d assumed Byakko and Touda were fine when he didn’t hear anything from them. He never expected that this mission could have caused so much trouble for all of them. ~I’m sorry, Touda. ~

 

~Stop it, Tsuzuki. We’re fine. We just need a good night’s sleep. ~

 

~Can I come see you tomorrow? ~

 

~Absolutely. Everyone will be very happy to see you. ~ Touda smiled and looked over at his sleepy lover. Byakko would be happy to see Tsuzuki and the distraction would be good for all of them, especially Touda who expected that he might still have something to hide come the dawn.

 

~Okay… I’ll let you go and see you tomorrow then. Umm, Touda, I’m sorry to have bothered you. ~

 

~It was no trouble at all, Tsuzuki. Thank you for your concern. ~ Touda felt the link shut down and tried to return to sleep. He would have to be much more careful with his emotions. He never wanted any of them, most especially Tsuzuki and Byakko, to ever find out what had happened here this evening.

 

 

Tsuzuki sighed with relief and opened his eyes. “He says he’s okay. I think he and Byakko were hurt a little worse than I thought. He said I could visit tomorrow though, so it can’t be too bad, right?”

 

Hisoka nodded in understanding. All of them, including the shikigami, tried to protect Tsuzuki from sadness and pain. If there was anything really wrong, Touda wouldn’t want Tsuzuki to see it. On the other hand, putting Tsuzuki off once he was worried was a hard thing to do without raising even more suspicions. Hisoka wasn’t quite as confident about the situation as his partner, but he would keep that idea to himself. Tomorrow would come soon enough.

 

Hisoka glanced up at the wall clock to check the time and saw that it was a little after two in the morning. “It’s late, Tsuzuki. Let’s get some sleep.”

 

Tsuzuki checked the time on his watch and then immediately stood up and began to head for the door. “Yikes! I’m so sorry, Hisoka. I lost track of time and then I fell asleep and-”

 

“Tsuzuki, where are you going?” Hisoka put his hands on his hips and looked at his partner sternly.

 

“Ah, I’m, I’m going, uh, home?” Tsuzuki’s voice rose on the last word and he was suddenly unsure.

 

“I meant sleep here, you idiot. You’re in no shape to walk anywhere.”

 

A bashful Tsuzuki dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “Umm, thanks, partner.” Walking back to the sofa, Tsuzuki moved the pillows to one end and fluffed them. “I’ll try not to be too much trouble. If you could just loan me a blanket, I’ll-”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“No.”

 

“Ummm.” Tsuzuki was puzzled and it showed on his face. “Well, that’s okay. Ah, I’ll just… use my coat.” Tsuzuki started once again for the front door to retrieve his trench coat, but was stopped when Hisoka grabbed his arm.

 

“Come on,” Hisoka said as he dragged Tsuzuki down the hallway to the bedroom. Searching through his closet, Hisoka found a cotton sleep robe that he thought might be large enough for his taller partner. “Sorry I don’t have anything else. My clothes are all way too small for you, but this should work, I think.”

 

Pushing Tsuzuki across the hall to the bathroom, Hisoka gestured at the mirrored cabinet. “There’s an extra, unopened toothbrush inside there that you can use. Let me know if you need anything else.” With that, Hisoka turned and left, closing the door to the bathroom behind him.

 

Tsuzuki stared at his own confused image in the mirror over the sink for a moment before blinking a few times and urging himself to move. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he shed his clothing and tied the robe around himself. It was a little smaller than his own, but not uncomfortably so and Tsuzuki adjusted it as best he could.

 

Mechanically, Tsuzuki finished up in the bathroom, and then picked up his clothes from the floor before exiting the small, but efficient room. He was still standing in the hallway trying to decide what to do next when Hisoka passed him on his way to the bathroom.

 

“The bed’s all turned down. Go ahead and hop in, I’ll be right back.”

 

“But, I thought-”

 

“Go on,” Hisoka urged just before closing the bathroom door inches from Tsuzuki’s face.

 

Alone now in the hallway, Tsuzuki looked back and forth between the bedroom, the bathroom, and the living room before finally forcing his feet to move. He walked into Hisoka’s bedroom and stared at the turned down bed beckoning him with its fluffy pillows and soft cotton sheets. He was still staring at it when Hisoka finally returned.

 

“Why are you just standing around?” Hisoka had changed into a t-shirt and pair of knit shorts and tossed his dirty clothes from the day into a hamper in the closet. “Oh, your clothes,” he remarked when he noticed the bundle in Tsuzuki’s hands. Tugging the pile away from his partner’s grip, Hisoka shook out each garment, folded it carefully, and made a small stack on top of his dresser. “We’ll have to grab a change of clothes for you before you go to see Touda and Byakko,” he said over his shoulder. When Hisoka turned around, Tsuzuki was still standing in the same spot and staring at the bed. “Tsuzuki?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Would you rather sleep on the sofa?” Hisoka asked quietly.

 

Tsuzuki heard something fragile in the voice of his friend that disturbed him and he finally broke his focus away from the bed. “No… not really; I’m sure it’s a very comfortable bed.”

 

There was a pause before Hisoka asked, “Would you rather I slept on the sofa?”

 

Tsuzuki closed the distance between them and enclosed his partner in his arms. Hugging him tightly, he answered, “Absolutely not.”

 

“Then why?” Hisoka’s voice was muffled by Tsuzuki’s chest, but that much of his question was audible. Anything more Hisoka asked or might have asked, Tsuzuki already understood.

 

“It’s not like that, Hisoka. Honestly, it isn’t. I’m just… afraid.”

 

Hisoka pulled back and looked into Tsuzuki’s eyes. “You’re… nervous?” he guessed.

 

“Yes, that too; I’m scared of pushing you too fast or too far, of making a nuisance of myself like I have before.” Tsuzuki paused and added, “I’m terrified of hurting you.”

 

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka remarked as he sorted his friend’s feelings. After a moment, he shook his head and chuckled softly. “Tsuzuki, I said sleep and I meant it. We’re both exhausted. Unless you shadow box in your sleep, I hardly think you’re going to hurt me.”

 

Tsuzuki turned beet red and stared intently at the floor. “Oh… I’m sorry… I assumed…Sorry.”

 

Hisoka laughed again, louder this time, and pushed the blushing man towards the bed. “Do you care which side?” he asked.

 

Tsuzuki shook his head to indicate that he did not and watched from under his lashes as Hisoka climbed in on the side of the bed with the nightstand and lamp. Quietly, he made his way around to the opposite side and crawled under the covers.

 

Tsuzuki clung to his pillow and rolled close to the edge of the bed, his back to Hisoka. He was mortified. He had assumed that Hisoka was looking for sex and now his partner knew exactly what he’d been thinking.

 

Hisoka turned off the light and rolled over to face the back of Tsuzuki’s head. “Are you comfortable?” he asked.

 

“Yes – fine – thank you,” Tsuzuki answered in clipped tones as he tried to disguise his tumultuous feelings in the darkness.

 

“I’m an empath, you idiot. You wouldn’t even fool Konoe with that line.” Hisoka paused and softened his sarcastic tone. “You’re reading too much into everything this evening, Tsuzuki. I didn’t suggest anything else tonight, but I didn’t rule anything out either.” Hisoka paused for a moment and reached out to put one arm around Tsuzuki’s waist. “Tomorrow morning, when we’re rested and thinking more clearly… we’ll see about tomorrow.” Hisoka molded himself around Tsuzuki’s back, leaned into the pillow and returned to sleep.

 

Tsuzuki remained awake for a few minutes after he heard Hisoka’s breathing change and enjoyed the warmth of his partner’s body so close to his own. Hisoka was right, he thought. He was over-thinking and overreacting to everything tonight. He loved Hisoka and now he knew that his partner felt the same way. That was the important thing.

 

Tsuzuki smiled in the dark enshrouded room as he remembered the feeling of Hisoka climbing into his lap and kissing him. Blood began to pool in his groin and Tsuzuki tried to put that thought aside. While it was true that he hoped Hisoka would do that again tomorrow, he needed to stop that train of thought for now or it would be a very long, very restless night.

 


	6. The Morning After

**Chapter Six:**

 

 

Touda rolled over and enjoyed the tingle of the sun beating down on his skin and heating the rocks underneath him. Cats weren’t the only ones who appreciated the value of a good sunbeam; snakes liked a nice lie under the warming rays of light as well.   The sun was high enough in the sky to bother his eyes, however, and Touda threw an arm over his face to block the glare.

 

Touda woke slowly, carefully; stretching and taking an inventory of his condition. His cuts were all closed and beginning to heal and the warmth of the day was easing tired and sore muscles. By tomorrow he would be fine or mostly so, he thought as he shifted his leg. When pain speared from his bottom through his lower back, Touda winced and froze. _‘That might take just a little bit longer,’_ he thought.

 

Touda made a mental note to inquire discreetly about a healing salve that might speed up the process and take away some of the pain. It was either that or be forced to hide at home for the duration. He couldn’t show weakness in front of the other shikigami and in the state he found himself currently, just a short walk across the courtyard would almost certainly expose his secret.

 

Putting both arms down beside his hips, Touda eased himself up slowly to a nearly seated position and blinked open sleepy eyes. Byakko was seated at the edge of the rocky plateau, fully dressed, and facing away from him. His shoulders were slumped and his legs hung still over the precipice rather than kicking back and forth as he usually would have done on the occasions when they’d visited the site before. Everything about Byakko’s body language spoke of depression.

 

“Good morning,” Touda ventured aloud, but his lover remained silent. He first tried to sit cross-legged on the spot where he’d been reclining, but eventually Touda gave up and stood slowly. Obviously, certain things were going to be a little beyond his reach today.

 

It suddenly occurred to Touda that Byakko was dressed and not in the clothing he’d worn when he’d been summoned the day before. Looking to the side, Touda saw a pile of his own things, clean and whole and bearing no resemblance to the rags of his old clothes that were still underfoot.

 

“Have you been home already this morning?” Touda asked as he limped toward the fresh garments. He seemed to remember a pleasant stream at the base of the rock plateau and wondered if he could make it down for a quick wash first before dressing.

 

“No,” Byakko mumbled in reply. “Sohryu came by early this morning before you woke up. He brought the clothes when he came…” Byakko hesitated and made a choking sound, “came to see if we were alright.”

 

“Oh,” Touda’s monosyllabic reply sounded lame to his own ears, but he wasn’t sure how to respond to Sohryu’s generous interference on Byakko’s behalf after the argument they’d had only a few hours ago over his hands off policy. Irregardless of Sohryu’s intentions, though, Touda had been seen by the dragon and slept through it all. Sohryu saw what he looked like, unconscious and beaten, and that made Touda very angry. Still, to react to that would add fuel to the fire and suggest that there was more to the story than Touda wanted anyone to believe, including himself. Trying to maintain an air of nonchalance, he responded flippantly to Byakko’s statement. “And how are you, Byakko? Are you alright?”

 

Byakko’s head snapped around and Touda saw tears in his lover’s puffy eyes. “No, I’m not alright, and neither are you.”

 

Touda started to deny his injuries. “Who me? There’s nothing wrong-”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Touda! I know you’re probably just trying to protect me or maybe your own honor, but cut the crap. I saw your shirt.” As Byakko’s voice rose to near hysteria, he tossed the shirt, now little more than a ball of wadded up strips he’d twisted and wrung in his anguish, at Touda’s feet.

 

Touda glanced down at the remnants of his clothes, the blood and semen stained tatters of his once favorite shirt even more ghastly appearing in the full light of day.

 

Standing suddenly, Byakko turned on Touda and demanded an explanation, “Why did you let me do it? Why didn’t you stop me, leave, do something, do anything?” Byakko snatched the bits of cloth back up and buried his face in the tell-tale rags, letting his tears run free.

 

Touda shifted uncomfortably where he was standing. He’d stubbornly thought he’d done the right thing by staying yesterday. Now, listening to the anguish in his lover’s voice, he wasn’t so certain. “Byakko, listen to me. I won’t pretend that nothing happened, but it isn’t the tragedy that you’re making it out to be either. Look at me. I’m fine, or I will be soon. There’s no lasting harm done. In a few days it’ll all be forgotten. Can’t you let it go?”

 

“Let it go?!” Byakko’s eyes met his and flashed with the intensity of his desperation.   “I woke up to my worst nightmare this morning. How can I let that go?! How can you?!”

 

“Because I love you,” Touda answered simply and quietly. “I guess that’s my answer to all of the questions you’ve asked me: why didn’t I leave, why didn’t I fight you off, how can I let it go? It’s because I love you.” Touda walked gingerly towards Byakko and reached out to rest his hands on his lover’s shoulders. “You didn’t do this on purpose. You were drugged. I’m frankly amazed at the level of control you still managed to show even in that state.”

 

Byakko suddenly looked puzzled. “What do you mean ‘control’? I went nuts like I always do. Didn’t I?”

 

“Don’t you remember?” Touda asked.

 

Byakko ducked his head and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Not really,” he answered. “Sometimes I’ll get flashes of images and feelings, but they aren’t really memories as such. It’s not usually too hard to piece it all together and guess what’s happened when I can follow the trail of destruction and see the victims.” Byakko’s voice trailed off in sadness. “I hurt people that I care about. I scare them and I hurt them: Denjo, Suzaku, and now you.”

 

“Denjo was your school friend?” Touda asked quietly.

 

“Yes, he was. You know about that?”

 

“Rikugo filled me in a little on the first incident since I didn’t know what was going on, but he couldn’t tell me anything about the episode with Suzaku.”

 

There was an unspoken question between them. Touda wanted to know what had happened but he didn’t want to have to ask for the information. He wanted Byakko to volunteer it because he trusted him.

 

Byakko sighed heavily and turned away. “There was a party. It was at some provincial dignitary’s house, I think. Anyway, it was a stuffy party full of bigwigs and I needed to get some air. I hated attending stuff like that back in those days even more than I do now, but it was my duty and my turn. Sohryu doesn’t accept excuses when it comes to that sort of thing, you know?”

 

Touda nodded. Sohryu’s government followed protocol to the letter and everyone did their duty regardless of age or inclination.

 

“Suzaku was also there that night and she saw me sneak out the back door.   My ears were ringing from all those chattering voices and I wasn’t really paying much attention especially once I got outside. It was a beautiful garden full of amazing plants and herbs. They looked so beautiful even by moonlight and the scent in the air was intoxicating. Well, that’s what I thought at the time, anyway.”

 

Byakko paused and threw the remnants of Touda’s shirt to the ground and then stared at his hands. As if the shirt had left some mark on his clean hands, Byakko rubbed his palms over the thighs of his slacks to clean them off. Since the marks were in his mind, no amount of cleaning would ever wash them away.

 

“Byakko?” Touda asked, trying to bring Byakko’s focus back to him. “You were telling me about the garden and Suzaku.”

 

“Right, sorry about that. Umm, yeah, so, I was standing in the garden. I thought I was alone, but Suzaku had followed me out and snuck up on me very quietly. While I was looking at the plants, she came up behind me and shoved me face first into one of the smaller plant groups. She was laughing at me and saying that she was teaching me a lesson about daydreaming. I remember something about her being generous to push me into the herbs and not the thorny bush so that my clothes wouldn’t tear. Well, something like that anyway. In the back of the herb plantings though, there was a small patch of catnip and it clung to my suit when I stood up.”

 

Byakko paused and hugged himself, a wistful look appeared on his face. “I vaguely remember standing up and seeing her still laughing at me. She looks beautiful when she laughs.” The smile melted away and lines of strain appeared around Byakko’s jaw line. “I guess I must have made a pass at her or something, because she slapped me and started to walk away. I heard later from some people who’d heard the noise and came to investigate, that I changed forms and backed her into a corner. She changed forms as well and started to fly away. I chased her down to a spot in the forest somewhere outside of town and I guess I must have tried to…”

 

Touda noticed the horrified expression on Byakko’s face and made the connection. “Oh, no, Byakko, you didn’t.”

 

Byakko’s head shook and red eyes full of tears turned to look at Touda. “No, as it happens, I thankfully didn’t get the chance. When I came around the next day, I couldn’t remember much, but I remembered her being there and I was covered in burns. I was so ashamed and so certain that something awful must have happened to her that I turned myself in to Sohryu who sent me home. Suzaku visited me later that day after Sohryu scolded her for creating a scene at the party and then explained my allergy to her. That day was the only time we ever talked about it. She told me that she boxed my ears and singed all the fur off of my face and chest when I tried to pin her down and... Anyway, after that, she said I went into a crazed rage tearing at the trees and in the confusion she managed to get away. I hated myself for what I’d tried to do to a good friend, but I’m eternally grateful to her for stopping me. She’s long since forgiven me, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.” Byakko paused and stared at Touda. “Why didn’t you stop me, too?”

 

Touda looked back into sorrowful, red eyes. “I couldn’t leave you alone. You were unconscious for so long after the trip to Earth and I was worried about you. When you woke, well, you were aggressive, but not really violent. Yes, I could have fought back. I chose not to.”

 

“I might have killed you!”

 

“I don’t believe that.” Touda responded calmly.

 

Byakko was incredulous, “What?!”

 

“You wanted sex, Byakko. You made that clear enough, but you always seemed to know who I was and when I asked you to change forms you did. You weren’t violent, just… overenthusiastic.”

 

Byakko’s eyes went wide. “I – made – you – bleed!”

 

Touda tried to waive off Byakko’s outrage. “Your cat nature doesn’t fully understand the weaknesses of the human form. You did take some care of me.” Touda blushed and couldn’t continue.

 

Byakko was curious at his partner’s odd reaction and pressed for an answer. “You want me to believe that this wasn’t rape, but you won’t tell me what I did.”

 

The blush deepened and Touda squirmed under his lover’s scrutiny. Touda tended to be more reserved than his extroverted and uninhibited partner and describing their coupling was discomforting. Turning to the side so that he could avoid looking directly into Byakko’s eyes, he continued. “You… licked me quite a bit, at first just over my injuries. Then you wanted me to undress. Maybe there were other scents on my clothing that you wanted to be rid of, I’m not sure. You sniffed at me and licked my… nipples. I… got… hard and you licked at my…” Touda took a deep breath and closed his eyes before finishing, “cock.” Cracking one eye the smallest sliver open, Touda peeked over and looked sideways at Byakko.

 

Seeing no noticeable reaction, Touda turned to fully face the other man and appealed to his lover with puppy dog eyes as if to ask whether he’d finally said enough, but Byakko simply waved his hand impatiently, prompting him to continue.

 

Touda groaned and wiped his hand over his face in frustration. Driven by necessity and love, Touda tossed propriety to the curb and blurted out the rest of the story. “You flipped me over and shoved your tongue up my ass! Alright?! I hardly think you’d bother to do that if you just wanted to bury yourself in any handy body, willing or not, and you certainly wouldn’t have changed forms when I asked you to. You would have just ripped me to shreds.”

 

Touda took a breath to regain his composure and continued. “It’s not like we had any lube handy and cats don’t have fingers. I honestly believe something in you was fighting to keep you in control. I admit it was rough, and no, I wouldn’t want to do it again, but it was certainly not worth hurting you over and if I’d rejected you when you were clearly trying so hard, there would have been more blood shed than that.” He gestured with his chin at the bloody remnants of his shirt lying on the ground next to Byakko. “It wasn’t the ‘you’ I’m used to, Byakko, but you were still inside there somewhere. I guess when it comes right down to it, I’m willing to accept and love all of you.

 

Byakko opened his mouth to try to respond to this outpouring of feeling from his partner, but a sudden pressure in the air caught both men’s attention.

 

“Tsuzuki.”

 

*****

 

“Tsuzuki! What a wonderful surprise!”

 

The shinigami found himself being picked up and twirled in the air.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” Suzaku’s voice hovered somewhere between excitement and pouting. “How long can you stay?”

 

Tsuzuki opened his mouth to answer, but the phoenix continued to bombard her friend with questions.

 

“Where’s Hisoka? Didn’t you bring him along with you? He’s okay isn’t he? I heard you had quite a dust up yesterday. Oh yeah, and why wasn’t I invited to come along and kick some ass too? I swear Byakko and Touda have all the fun these days.”

 

“You’re hardly going to get any answers, girl, if you don’t let the poor boy get a word in edgewise.”

 

Tsuzuki turned to look at the new arrival and saw the venerable Genbu.

 

“Hello there, Tsuzuki. Welcome back.”

 

“Hiya, Genbu,” Tsuzuki answered.

 

Suzaku blushed and released Tsuzuki from her arms so that he could greet her fellow god. “I’d have let him answer eventually,” she muttered under her breath.

 

“Is this a social visit or are you here on business,” Genbu asked.

 

It was difficult to see his eyes under the thick, bushy brows, but Tsuzuki always had the feeling that Genbu’s eyes could see straight through him. Like Rikugo, Genbu had eyes that missed very little, although in Genbu’s case it wasn’t a matter of a talent from birth, but more a matter of wisdom that had come from years of practical experience and life.

 

“A little of both, I suppose,” Tsuzuki answered. “I got a flash of something from Touda last night. He said he was okay, but I’d really like to check on him and Byakko myself.” He paused for a moment. “Not that I’m not really glad to see you guys too though.”

 

Tsuzuki missed the way Genbu’s eyebrows drew together and his jaw set in a grimace at the shinigami’s words because Suzaku jumped back into his line of sight between the two.

 

“We’re happy to see you too and since the boys aren’t here just now, why don’t we go to the palace gardens and visit for a while. I’m sure everyone would like a chance to say hi.” Suzaku tugged on Tsuzuki’s arm as she spoke and urged him away.

 

Tsuzuki allowed himself to be drawn along by his beautiful and boisterous shikigami, but wondered at the way Genbu trailed along behind them in ominous silence.

 

 


	7. In the Cold Light of Day

**Chapter Seven:**

 

 

“Go ahead, Byakko. Just tell Tsuzuki that I’ll be along in a few minutes.”

 

The sound of Touda’s voice snapped Byakko’s concentration back from the distraction of their master’s arrival to where they were standing presently. “What?”

 

“Tsuzuki’s come to check on you after everything that happened yesterday. Go on ahead and I’ll catch up with you after I clean up a bit and get dressed,” Touda suggested.

 

“I’m not leaving you here alone, Touda.”

 

“Byakko-”

 

“No! You stayed with me and now I’m staying with you.”

 

Byakko’s stubborn determination showed clearly on his face and Touda could tell he wouldn’t be able to change his partner’s mind.

 

“Did you want to wash up in the stream below?” the wind god asked.

 

Touda merely nodded his head in reply. _‘This isn’t good,’_ he thought. _‘There’s no way I’ll be able to hide these injuries from him if Byakko stays nearby.’_ Touda watched as Byakko walked over to him. As Touda opened his mouth to try one last futile time to dissuade him, Byakko raised his hand and put two fingers over Touda’s lips.

 

“Please, Touda. I know it’s bad. I know you’re trying to protect me and I love you for it, but I need to do this for both of us. It’s the only way I can think of to start putting things right between us. You say you want to move past this and so do I. Let me help you. Don’t hide it from me anymore.” The hand dropped to Byakko’s side and the two men looked into each other’s eyes.

 

“Alright,” Touda whispered softly. _‘Maybe this really is for the best,’_ Touda thought as Byakko dipped his knees and picked up his much taller lover.

 

It was difficult to relax in his partner’s arms and not because he was apprehensive at the thought of being dropped on the way down the mountain. Byakko was as strong as any of them, despite the image his size suggested. It was fear. There was very little in the universe that could frighten Touda, the great black fire shikigami, but hurting Byakko or their relationship ranked at the top of that list along with failing to protect Tsuzuki. He had the eerie feeling that this one incident that had so unsettled all of them had the potential to destroy all three of his precious things if his attempts at damage control continued to go awry. As he contemplated his options, Touda admitted to himself that he was scared.

 

Byakko carefully carried Touda down to the small stream and gently set him on his feet. A small, waist deep pool sat partway across the water and Touda began to wade through the shallow water to reach it. Between his nerves and the cold water, Touda’s muscles had gone rigid and each step was such a misery that he kept his face turned away from Byakko to hide his constant wincing.

 

When Touda slipped on a slippery rock underfoot, he had to bite his lip to hold back the cry trying to escape his lips. The taste of blood in his mouth, urged him to continue forward and Touda clenched his teeth. _‘I can’t show pain. I mustn’t show pain.’_ He repeated the mantra to himself in his head with every step forward.

 

Reaching the edge of the pool, Touda inhaled a deep, calming breath to steady his voice. “Byakko? We left my clean clothes up top. Would you mind getting them for me?”

 

Byakko narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He knew that he was being gotten rid of, but he didn’t want to start an argument either. “Sure,” he answered as cheerfully as he could manage. “I’ll be right back.”

 

Touda waited until Byakko disappeared from view and then lowered himself into the chilly water.

 

Byakko stood on the plateau above and looked down as Touda, unaware he was being observed, submerged his body stiffly into the cold water of the small pool. From his vantage point, Byakko watched the crystal clear water first turn hazy with dirt and debris. As Touda scrubbed at his skin, however, the pool became tinged with pink from the blood of reopened wounds and Byakko was forced to turn away or risk becoming nauseous.

 

Intellectually, he knew that he wasn’t responsible for all of Touda’s injuries, the fight the day before had been fierce before he arrived and he had seen the slash marks over the serpent’s body, but Byakko felt a burden of responsibility that he just couldn’t shake and the misery was overwhelming. _‘I have to go back down there. I have to help Touda. That should be the only thing that matters right now,’_ he insisted to himself. His pride, though, wondered how to face Touda after what had happened. _‘How can I face Tsuzuki?’_ Wiping the tears from his eyes, Byakko bit his upper lip to get himself under control, gathered the clothing that Sohryu had brought, and returned to his lover’s side.

 

*****

 

An hour later, a well fed Tsuzuki, stuffed with tea and cakes, looked up to see his two errant shikigami as they entered the garden from the palace interior. “There you two are. Come in and have some tea and cake. I saved you some.” Looking around at the crumb covered cake plates dotting the outside tables, Tsuzuki searched in vain. “There was a slice… I’m sure I did…” Tsuzuki’s voice trailed off. “Well, at least come have some tea,” he said as he waved at an empty bench across from him and reached for two clean cups.

 

Tsuzuki had the first cup in hand and half poured before the still silence of the assembly finally broke through his happily distracted mind. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice suddenly the serious, business like Tsuzuki that the powerful shinigami could become when pressed. Without looking up, he continued pouring the first cup and then a second as the silence stretched on.

 

Sohryu cleared his throat and gathered his children. “Come along, play time is over. It’s back to lessons for you and work for me.”

 

Ordinarily, Tenkou would have at least given a token pout, but even her young mind understood that something serious was happening. Walking over to her father, she took his outstretched hand and started to walk away. “Please come see me again before you go, okay, Tsuzuki?” she asked over her shoulder.

 

Tsuzuki relaxed the tightness in his jaw and looked at Tenkou warmly. “I’ll try, princess.”

 

“Okay,” she replied, seemingly satisfied, as she reached out with her other hand for her brother, Kijin, and the three walked back into the halls of Tenkuu.

 

Genbu nudged Suzaku with the knobbly end of his walking stick. “Walk me home, girl. I’m feeling stiff from all this sitting around.”

 

Suzaku knew perfectly well that Genbu could get himself home, but, sensing trouble, she took the hint all the same. She helped the older shikigami to his feet and then gave Tsuzuki a quick kiss on the cheek. “See ya later, Tsuzuki, and next time bring Hisoka along too, okay?”

 

Tsuzuki nodded and watched the pair follow Sohryu out of the garden and back into the palace.

 

Rikugo stood quietly and walked behind the pair in the direction of the doorway, but stopped and turned to address the garden from the marble steps. “I’ll be taking my leave now as well, but if anyone needs to talk,” he paused slightly and looked at each of them in turn, his sight lingering pointedly over Byakko, “I’ll be at home in the library.” Gathering his robes, he brushed past Byakko who stood along the path and then was quickly gone.

 

Now alone, Tsuzuki finally turned sad eyes toward the only two other people now left outside with him. “Sit down? Please?”

 

Byakko tentatively walked over to Tsuzuki’s bench and started to sit down.

 

Tsuzuki’s frown increased as he followed his friend’s slow movements. _‘No hug, no bubbling happy hello?’_ Tsuzuki asked himself. Something was seriously wrong.

 

Tsuzuki glanced over at Touda, ready to challenge the fire serpent on their conversation the previous evening. Touda had lied to him, certainly with the best of intentions Tsuzuki suspected, but he’d lied. Touda didn’t lie.

 

The challenge died on Tsuzuki’s lips, however, as he noticed the horror written on Touda’s face. His friend was regarding the ornately carved stone bench across from Tsuzuki with the same facial expression that small children generally reserved for a dentist’s chair. “Touda?”

 

“Ah… I’d rather stand, if you don’t mind, Tsuzuki,” Touda whispered hesitantly.

 

Byakko’s head snapped around and Tsuzuki watched as intense looks passed between the two men.

 

Eventually, Touda gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and sat down. Knuckles white with strain, Touda smiled at Byakko and added, “Of course, it’s easier to talk this way, though, isn’t it?”

 

Byakko’s head fell forward and he stared at the ground.

 

Tsuzuki looked back and forth at the two gods. Laying a single hand on Byakko’s leg, he asked, “What is it, Byakko?”

 

Byakko flinched at the touch of his friend’s hand, but remained silent.

 

“Please talk to me. Let me help,” Tsuzuki pleaded.

 

When Byakko finally lifted his head to meet Tsuzuki’s inquisitive gaze, there were tears in the wind god’s eyes. “I can’t Tsuzuki. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.”

 

Byakko’s voice trailed off in sobs that tore at Tsuzuki’s heart. When he moved to comfort his friend in a bear hug, however, Byakko pulled away and ran out of the garden.

 

Touda tried to stand and follow his lover, but Tsuzuki moved much faster.

 

Looming over Touda, Tsuzuki looked sternly down at his friend and commanded, “Sit down.” When Touda retreated the six inches to relax back down on the bench, Tsuzuki added, “Don’t worry. I think Rikugo will be waiting for him and he’ll get him to open up. For now, you and I are going to talk. And Touda…”

 

The fire serpent shikigami caught the tone of Tsuzuki’s voice and he looked up at the sound of his name.

 

“This time, you ARE going to tell me everything.”

 

Touda sighed. “I’m sorry, Tsuzuki. You’re right, I kept things from you and while I didn’t lie to you outright, I did deceive you and that’s just as bad.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Touda lowered his head and gritted his teeth. “It isn’t easy for me to do this.”

 

Tsuzuki put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Is it because it’s me? If you’d rather talk to someone else, I understand. I hate to interfere, but I really think you need to talk to someone.”

 

Touda reached behind him and grasped Tsuzuki’s hand where it rested on his shoulder. “It isn’t you, Tsuzuki. You’re probably right. I do need to talk to someone and I can’t imagine anyone else that I could speak with. It’s far easier for me to discuss anything with you than anyone else here except Byakko and on this…” Touda’s voice trailed off. “It’s just very difficult.”

 

Tsuzuki sat down on the bench next to Touda and shifted their joined hands onto his lap. “Does it have something to do with yesterday’s fight?”

 

Touda looked at Tsuzuki. That was a trick question. That was a Tsuzuki who was looking to take responsibility for every problem around him whether he had a hand in it or not type of question, which was exactly why he’d been so evasive with him the night before. “Yes and no,” Touda answered honestly. “The events were something of a catalyst, but this is part of a chain of events that started centuries earlier.”

 

Tsuzuki crooked his head and looked at Touda curiously.

 

 _‘Good,’_ Touda thought, _‘it’s much better that he be curious than looking for ways to blame himself over this.’_

 

Touda stood up and walked to the table where Tsuzuki had left the tea. Draining his cup and refilling it, Touda summoned his courage and a sense of detachment and tried to calmly relate the events of the day, adding Byakko’s history where he thought it was relevant. He would never have shared his lover’s secrets with any other soul except Tsuzuki, and not even then but for his worry over Byakko’s emotional state.

 

“He’s taking this very hard, Tsuzuki. I don’t know how to make him understand.”

 

Tsuzuki sat quietly for a moment, head down, elbows on his knees, hands clasped and dangling between his legs.

 

Touda became uncomfortable with the protracted silence. “Tsuzuki?” he prodded.

 

“He doesn’t understand, Touda, because you still haven’t told him the truth.” Tsuzuki’s voice was quiet, but deadly serious. “You and I, Touda, we carry demons with us that haunt us, color our perceptions of the world, and prompt us to behave in ways that other people, even those who love us, can’t always understand unless we share it with them. When I called you in Kyoto to take my life, you came to me, and you did it not because you’re heartless, but because you can understand my pain. Now it’s time for me to help you and understand yours.”

 

Tsuzuki left his seat on the bench and moved to where Touda had remained by the tea table. Standing in front of the shikigami he’d freed from the depths of Tenkuu, Tsuzuki took a deep breath and asked, “What did you see yesterday?”

 

Touda stared at Tsuzuki, dumbfounded. This was not the conversation that he had thought that he was going to have. _‘Isn’t this about Byakko? How I can make him understand that nothing is wrong?’_ A protest rose on Touda’s lips to say that he was fine, that this wasn’t about him, but it died before he spoke a word. The promise he’d uttered to a sleeping and unaware Byakko rushed back into his memories and he whispered it quietly. “ _‘I would do all this and more for you and I will protect you._ _I will protect you from your enemies, all of them, including my demons and your own.’_ ”

 

Tsuzuki looked curiously at Touda and tried to decipher the meaning of the faint words. “You mean Byakko, right?” Tsuzuki asked hopefully. “Because if you’re saying that you need to protect me from my demons…” Tsuzuki’s voice trailed off and he waited to regain Touda’s attention.

 

“Maybe not today,” Touda joked as he glanced at his master. “I don’t think I’m really up to it at the moment.” Both men smiled wryly at each other. Taking a deep breath of the garden fragrance, Touda continued. “Yes, I meant Byakko. It was something that I promised him last night after he passed out.” Despite the beautiful surroundings and his previous attempt at humor, all traces of relaxation suddenly disappeared and lines of strain showed across the shikigami’s face. “I tried to do the right thing, Tsuzuki. I swear I did. Have I just dragged the man I love into my own nightmare?”

 

Touda began to shake and tea sloshed down onto the garden path, darkening the slate flagstones underfoot. Tsuzuki grasped Touda’s hand and removed the cup. Setting the delicate vessel back on the table before it crashed to the ground, Tsuzuki said, “Sit down and tell me what happened to you yesterday. I promise you that we’ll figure this out. So many people care about you and Byakko. We’re here to help if you’ll just let us.”

 

Touda nodded and moved awkwardly back to the bench. He wasn’t so convinced about the notion that he had so many friends, but it was certainly true that Byakko did. Whatever happened between them, someone would always be there to support Byakko. “It sent me back to the day that Keijin died. At first, I was just viewing it from a distance, almost as though I was an impartial observer. And then, the Sohryu from the past spotted me and tried to kill me. For a while, I tried to run away from him. I couldn’t bring myself to attack him, but I did try to run away at first. As I saw more and more of the devastation though, saw more and more of the death and destruction that I caused… Well, I just stopped. I’d seen so much that it was too tempting to just stand still and wait for him to take his revenge. I remember hoping that he might kill me this time instead of just throwing me in prison. I took so much away from him that day. I took so much away from the people that I love.”

 

“I understand,” Tsuzuki said quietly when Touda stopped speaking. Tsuzuki understood only too well about madness and death and thoughts of suicide. Even now, decades later and possessing Enma’s pardon, there were certain burdens of guilt that were hard to leave behind. Still, something that Touda had just said seemed a little off in a very important way. Running over the last few sentences in his mind, Tsuzuki realized what it was. “…from the people that you love.”

 

“What?” Touda asked distractedly. His mind was still mired in the dark memories and the visions that had haunted him since the previous day.

 

“You said ‘love’, present tense, not loved. What did you see, Touda?”

 

Touda closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t want to see it anymore, didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I told you already, Tsuzuki. Isn’t that enough?”

 

“What did you see, Touda?” Tsuzuki pressed.

 

“I can’t do this, Tsuzuki. I don’t want to do it. Please stop!”

 

“What did you see, Touda?”

 

“I saw Byakko!” The words burst forth from Touda’s mouth as he leapt from the bench. Golden eyes, wild with pain and desperation, displayed the depth of his emotions.

 

Tsuzuki looked into those pain filled eyes and wondered how much the visor had hidden over the years from everyone who would have looked at the stoic god. It had been a condition of Touda’s release, but Tsuzuki was glad that the requirement for it had been lifted. The mask had limited Touda’s power and made the other shikigami feel safer. In a way though, it had also hidden too much of him away from people; had distanced him emotionally in much the way that Tenkuu had confined his physical form.

 

“I saw Byakko, dead, lying bloody on the street where I’d left him!” Touda paced the garden like a caged animal longing for escape, the welcome pain his movements caused giving him an outlet to punish himself in some small way.

 

“You mean Byakko’s father?” Tsuzuki asked calmly. He wanted desperately to reach out to his friend, but Touda was still too tightly strung. He would have to wait a little longer.

 

“Y-yes, I mean Byakko’s father, the previous god of the west. I killed him, Tsuzuki. I killed Byakko’s father.” Touda had stopped pacing when Tsuzuki’s question made him pause to think and he remained now in one place.

 

Tsuzuki reached out and risked a hand on Touda’s trembling arm. Touda’s hands were balled tightly into fists and the muscles and tendons under Tsuzuki’s grip were like hardened steel. “I know you did, Touda. Byakko knows too. He’s long since forgiven you for what happened. What is it about all of this that is shaking you up so much?”

 

“It was him, Tsuzuki.” Touda turned to his master and friend and grabbed Tsuzuki’s forearms fiercely. Giving a small shake to try to convey the importance of what he was saying, Touda continued, “It was Byakko. It was that Byakko this time, but it could have been my Byakko. It looked like my Byakko. It looked exactly like my Byakko. I could have killed him, Tsuzuki.” Touda’s legs gave out and he fell to the ground. Knees in the grass and hands on Tsuzuki’s feet in supplication, Touda cried out anguished words, “I can’t hurt him, Tsuzuki. If he’d been there that day, I would have killed him. Someone else took Keijin from me, but I could have killed Byakko in my madness. I can’t do it, Tsuzuki. I can’t lose him. I can’t hurt him.” Falling prostrate on the lawn, he sobbed out a final plea. “Make it stop. Please, Tsuzuki, make it stop. Don’t ever let me hurt him.”

 

Sinking to his knees, Tsuzuki gathered up Touda’s limp form and sat on the grass cradling his friend in his arms. “Shhh, it’s alright,” he whispered as he rocked Touda and stroked his long, black hair.

 

Slowly Touda began to calm down and regain control of himself and tried to pull away from his master’s embrace, but Tsuzuki tightened his hold and pulled Touda down to lie in the grass with him. As the adrenaline wore off and Touda began to shake, Tsuzuki reached back to the bench behind him and retrieved his trench coat. Not wanting to break contact, Tsuzuki struggled to spread it over them both one handed.

 

“I’m sorry, Tsuzuki,” Touda whispered in a shaky voice. “I should go, find Byakko. I need to apologize to him, to explain.”

 

“No,” Tsuzuki commanded quietly but firmly as he finished his task and wrapped both arms around Touda’s body. “Lie still now and rest. We’ll talk to Byakko later.”

 

Yielding finally to the softly spoken order of his master, Touda drifted to restful sleep safe in the circle of Tsuzuki’s arms.

 

With the garden once again silent, Tsuzuki watched over his sleeping shikigami. It was unnerving to see this powerful, stoic god brought to this state. Touda was in many ways like his other half, yet he never contemplated Touda having the same issues that he did regarding his past. Tsuzuki vowed he would make this right for him and for all of them. For all of the times that his shikigami had been there for him, this time he was going to return the favor.

 

 

 


	8. The Search for Truth

**Chapter Eight:**

 

 

Rikugo walked out of Tenkuu’s main doors and paused by the entrance. It was nearly noon and a bright sun sat high in the blue sky while a light breeze fluttered the strands of his long hair. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, Rikugo closed his eyes and turned his face skyward to feel the warmth on his cheeks.

 

 _‘A beautiful day,’_ he thought, _‘if it wasn’t for whatever is going on in there.’_

 

Rikugo walked away from the palace and turned in the direction of his home with his beloved library and balcony. Rikugo’s home was not small by any definition, but everyone knew when they called on him that Rikugo was almost always to be found in his library. Rikugo himself sometimes wondered if he remembered how many other rooms there were and what was inside of them.

 

Only five steps into his short journey, Rikugo heard the doors of Tenkuu burst open behind him and a black and white blur passed through the portal.

 

“Byakko?” the astrologer called.

 

Byakko had been running blindly since leaving the garden and was focused on only his feet and his escape. At the sound of his old tutor’s voice, Byakko stopped and raised tear filled red eyes to look at Rikugo.

 

Each man paused for a few seconds and then Rikugo spread his arms wide in invitation. With no hesitation, Byakko launched himself forward and into Rikugo’s comforting embrace.

 

“Come along,” Rikugo suggested as he patted Byakko’s back soothingly. “Let’s go home and get you some cocoa.”

 

Byakko pulled away and nodded as he wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeve. “’Kay,” he responded meekly.

 

Putting a hand on Byakko’s back to both comfort and encourage him, Rikugo steered them to his home and straight up to the library’s small parlor. Before long, a servant arrived to see to the master and his guest and the request for hot cocoa and tea was made.

 

“Aren’t you gonna have some too?” Byakko asked once the servant had left.

 

“No, not today,” Rikugo answered. “I do enjoy a cup on rare occasions, but mostly I keep it on hand for Tsuzuki and for you and occasionally,” the astrologer paused and looked around the empty room before stage whispering conspiratorially, “for Suzaku and Genbu.”

 

Byakko smiled at the idea of knowing a secret, even if it was only about hot cocoa. He thought about the elderly and venerable Genbu sipping on hot chocolate and having the foam stick to his mustache and the smile changed to a small giggle.

 

Rikugo sat back in his chair and smiled. _‘That’s better,’_ he thought. Byakko had always been a joyful child, even after the loss of his father, and as an adult, he was still a happy, buoyant personality whose laugh was so infectious, it delighted each and every person he came into contact with. To see such a person so sad broke Rikugo’s heart.

 

While they waited, Byakko wandered around the room inspecting books and perusing open documents that Rikugo had been working on earlier that morning before Tsuzuki’s arrival. Byakko was avoiding their conversation, but Rikugo was content to allow him time to put some distance between him and his sorrow in the hopes that it would help their discussion.

 

Once the servant returned and left the drinks behind, Byakko obediently sat and sipped at his cocoa. “Very good,” he remarked politely.

 

Rikugo inclined his head in thanks and reached for his cup of tea. “Are you ready to talk now?” he asked.

 

Byakko set his cup on the table and folded his hands over his lap to hide his nerves. “I – I don’t really even know where to start. It’s like a bad dream that you can only just remember, but that haunts you. You know?”

 

The astrologer nodded in sympathy. “Would it help you to know that I’m already aware of some of the events yesterday?” Rikugo offered.

 

Byakko’s eyes shot open and he stared aghast at the man across from him.

 

“Not all of them, mind you, but some. Why don’t you start from the beginning and tell me what you know. I can fill in some of the rest and we’ll go from there,” Rikugo suggested.

 

Taking a deep breath, Byakko launched into his narrative. “I was spending the day with Touda yesterday when he got a call from Tsuzuki. Not long after that, I was called to Earth as well. It couldn’t have been more than a minute or two since Touda’d left and yet, when I got there, he was unconscious and badly injured. Tsuzuki looked like he was just coming around. He was lying on the ground and looked really messed up, not bleeding or bruised or anything like that, just disoriented and really upset. Hisoka was standing in the middle of a garden, just in front of Touda, and he was staring in horror at this little doll. Tsuzuki said I had to destroy the doll quickly. It did something to each person it fought, but if I destroyed it quickly enough, it might not be able to fight back. It was lying on the ground really close to Hisoka, so rather than blasting it; I pounced on the thing and started to tear it apart with my claws and fangs. It didn’t seem so hard to destroy and I couldn’t figure out what had given those three so much trouble. Just then I felt its power, something weird, like icy fingers in my head and after that I smelled it – catnip. I tried to keep focused on what I was doing as long as I could. I remember telling myself over and over again that I just had to tear it into tiny pieces. It wasn’t hard to follow the urge. It looked like a big mouse and I wanted to tear it apart, wanted to tear that stupid little yarn tail right off.”

 

Byakko paused and shook his head. “See, this is where it gets all weird. Even the stuff that I do remember, I remember all goofy like.”

 

“It’s alright, Byakko. You’re doing splendidly. Do you remember anything after that?” Rikugo asked.

 

“I just remember images and feelings. There was a big garden there, kinda overgrown, and there were lots of daisies. I remember feeling like they were staring at me and it creeped me out. I wanted to pounce on them, get rid of them, and someone, Tsuzuki I guess, kept telling me it was time to go. Then something sharp hit me in the side and there were two strange humans and I got really woozy and then everything went dark.

 

“That would be the tranquilizer darts,” Rikugo explained. “At that point, Tsuzuki had Touda bring you back here and I was called to examine you because you weren’t coming around.”

 

“Oh,” Byakko uttered. “Sorry about that.” The god of the west ducked his head and looked more like a small embarrassed child at that moment than a divine commander.

 

“It was no trouble whatsoever, Byakko. Please don’t apologize. We were all quite worried and puzzled as to why you remained unconscious. I’m afraid I had to examine quite deeply into your mind and when Touda explained about the catnip illusion, it began to make sense.”

 

Byakko nodded. He didn’t mind the scan. Under the circumstances, it was certainly justified. “Did you take care of Touda’s wounds then?” he asked.

 

“No, I’m afraid I didn’t really get the opportunity. You began to come around about that time and Sohryu was anxious to get you away.”

 

Byakko looked puzzled. “Yeah, I get that Sohryu needed to get me out of the city, but why didn’t you treat Touda? He looked really hurt when I got there. It couldn’t have taken both of you to move me, did it?”

 

“Byakko, Touda didn’t understand why Sohryu was trying to carry you away. He got very angry and tried to stop Sohryu from leaving with you. I explained as best I could while Sohryu got away, but in the end, Touda followed you both.”

 

“To Celingan Rocks,” Byakko finished. “Touda kept saying this morning that he wouldn’t leave me alone. I guess he and Sohryu must have had words about it when he dropped me off on the rock plateau.”

 

“I imagine they did. I don’t really know for certain. When Sohryu came back, he asked me to go to your home and pick up fresh clothing for both of you, but he didn’t discuss anything that happened with me when he first made the request or later when I came back to give him your things.” Rikugo paused and moved forward to kneel on the floor in front of Byakko. Taking Byakko’s hands in his own, he asked, “Can you tell me what happened after you woke?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m so confused. When I woke up this morning, I saw Touda naked and bloody. I think… I think I raped him last night. Touda says that I didn’t… but…”

 

Rikugo reached out to put his arms around Byakko who was shivering from the horror of his thoughts and held him as the young god cried. When Byakko calmed down, Rikugo sat back on his heels and asked for more information. “Forget what you saw and forget for a moment what Touda said. How much do you actually remember?”

 

Byakko growled in frustration, “I don’t know. You know I never remember much when this happens and what I do is so confusing. All this stuff is jumbled up in my head and it hurts. This time is sort of like the times before and yet it’s also different. I don’t know.”

 

“Calm down, Byakko.” Rikugo shook Byakko firmly by the arms to get his attention and looked him in the eye. “You remembered a good bit of what happened in the garden yesterday and I think you could remember more about this if you wanted to. The question is: do you want to remember? Is it really that you can’t remember or are you afraid to remember?”

 

Byakko went still and stared back at his former tutor. Rikugo was the closest thing to a father figure that he’d had for many, many years. It felt odd discussing his sex life with Rikugo and yet he also couldn’t think of anyone else he’d rather confess to. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of knowing and I’m afraid of not knowing. Would you really want to know that you’d gone mad and hurt the man that you love?”

 

Rikugo softened his stern expression and touched Byakko’s cheek. Though it wasn’t truly the same thing, Rikugo knew all too well the power of memories and the power of guilt. He’d seen first hand its grip on his own life and in the lives of those he loved including Byakko and Ryu.   False memories implanted in Byakko by a sadistic demon had nearly torn apart the special relationship between Byakko and Rikugo, but they had worked through the trouble by facing it and that episode had brought Ryu into his life. Ryu’s demons had been another painful lesson, but one the couple couldn’t have handled if they’d turned away and pretended that they didn’t exist. “I wouldn’t enjoy knowing the details, no, but I would want to know. You could spend a lifetime punishing yourself either way, but you can’t make things right with him if you don’t understand. Ultimately, this is between you two and you don’t have to tell me anything. I will help you though if that’s what you want.”

 

Byakko finally saw the truth behind Rikugo’s sad smile and gasped. “Oh, Rikugo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up what happened when I was possessed.”

 

Rikugo put up a hand to stop Byakko’s apology. “No, Byakko, I know you didn’t and there’s no need to apologize. In our case, the memories were false, but they still seemed real for you and we needed to deal with them. I didn’t want to see them, feel them, understand them, but it helped us to move forward. I would have gone through anything to have you back in my life. Seeing the pain in your eyes, seeing you shy away from me, hurt more than anything else ever could. You’re like a son to me, Byakko, and seeing you in pain hurts me too.”

 

Byakko threw his arms around his mentor’s neck and hugged him tightly. “Rikugo,” he cried into long blond hair, “you did so much for me then.” Byakko touched the hair that was beginning to grow quite long once again, but was still so much shorter than it had been before. “You gave up so much.”

 

“Nonsense, dear boy,” Rikugo protested as he pulled back. “We find the courage to do what must be done for those we love. Isn’t that right?”

 

Byakko sniffled and gathered himself. He was a god and he was acting like a child. Rikugo had given him the example to follow, had spent his life teaching Byakko how to be a man. He wouldn’t disappoint him now. “That’s right,” he said, nodding. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “If you can help me to remember anything about what happened, I would appreciate your help.”

 

Rikugo moved onto the small couch with Byakko and sat close to his side. “Are you certain?”

 

“Yes,” Byakko answered firmly. “Now, please; help me to see what happened.”

 

Rikugo took Byakko’s hands once again and opened his eyes, all of them. Byakko remained conscious but felt time pulling him backwards until the moment he first awoke on Celingan Rocks.

 

“Mate,” Byakko panted out single words in response to the intense stimulus and Rikugo struggled to maintain the connection without prying too far.

“Blood… fear… enemies… protect… clean… heal… arousal… confusion… change…connect…mate…” The connection severed and Byakko reeled back onto the sofa.

 

Rikugo took a moment to gather his own thoughts and then checked on his friend. “Are you alright, Byakko?”

 

Byakko nodded. “What was that?”

 

“Your memories,” Rikugo answered. “At least, it’s as much of your thoughts as we can reconstruct. It isn’t much, I grant you, but it is something.”

 

“Is it really? I don’t know much more now than I did before. Touda told me more than that.” Byakko protested.

 

“We know one thing now that we didn’t before and that Touda could never tell us,” Rikugo corrected his student. “We know that your thoughts never included violence against Touda. Whatever you did to him, it doesn’t sound to me as though you ever intended him harm.”

 

“But I sensed fear and I didn’t stop. I should have stopped, Rikugo.” Byakko dropped his head down into his hands. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I did, and I frightened him.”

 

“You’re making a value judgment on yourself now, Byakko and it’s based on your feelings and not the facts. You feel guilty and you are looking for blame. You sensed fear, yes. Is it reasonable to assume that the fear you sensed was of you when you smelled the scent of your enemies on him? You tried to protect him, heal him, wash away the taint of your opposition, and, I suspect, the fear you thought came with it. You distracted him, loved him as best you could. Isn’t that just as reasonable a theory as the one you assume is the truth based on what we know? If my theory or some other we haven’t discussed is what Touda wishes to believe, can you truly say that he is wrong? You two have a lot to discuss, Byakko, but please be prepared to be as fair with yourself as Touda is. You aren’t helping him by taking on more than is your due.”

 

Byakko listened to what his tutor was saying and tried to push down the feelings of self loathing that screamed at him from the back of his mind. Rikugo was a wise man and when he gave advice, it paid to listen. Byakko was a free spirit and there was little room in his life for regret, but the incidents when he had hurt people because of his weakness to a simple plant were chief among the things he wished he could take back. He automatically blamed himself each and every time it happened and he’d done it this time as well. The notion that those feelings were indulgent and not in Touda’s best interests hit him like a brick wall and made Byakko rethink what it was that he owed his partner. Touda wanted his love, not a pound of flesh. If their positions had been reversed…

 

Byakko thought back over all the times that Touda had pulled away from him as bits of his past were exposed and suddenly felt a cold chill run up and down his spine. Something danced at the edge of his awareness and he had the unshakable feeling that he was standing close to something important, something that was very wrong with his lover. Touda was in trouble.

 

“Byakko?” Rikugo asked with concern. “What is it? You look as though you’re about to be ill?”

 

“It isn’t me,” Byakko answered distractedly. He reached over for the arm of the loveseat and tried to push himself up to stand on shaky legs. “I have to find Touda. Something is wrong, something I didn’t think of before. I don’t understand it, but I have to find him.”

 

Rikugo tugged on Byakko’s arm and easily pulled his former student back down onto his cushioned seat. “For pity’s sake, Byakko, sit down before you fall down. Touda is with Tsuzuki. He’s fine.” The astrologer looked Byakko over with concern. Byakko had never shown any sort of precognitive talent before, but it also didn’t appear as though this was just a ruse to escape their conversation. Byakko was genuinely concerned.

 

Grabbing Byakko’s face and turning it so that their eyes met, Rikugo looked inside his mind and saw clearly the uneasy feeling that was rapidly taking hold. It was a combination of sensitivity to Touda’s spirit and something that was triggered when Byakko remembered Touda’s past. It was unclear to Byakko and thus also to the astrologer, but genuine nonetheless.

 

Releasing Byakko’s face, Rikugo picked up the remains of the young man’s cocoa and pressed the cup into his hands. “Drink this, it should help.”

 

Byakko took the not so hot chocolate and drank down the sweet beverage without really tasting it. Whether it was the fluid or the sugar, he had to admit that he felt slightly better. “I have to go, Rikugo, please. I need to find him and see that he’s alright.”

 

Rikugo nodded and rose from the small sofa. “Very well, Byakko. I will go with you though.” Rikugo reached down and offered Byakko his hand and together they made their way back to Tenkuu.

 

The halls of the building were suspiciously quiet as they walked back to the last place they had seen Touda and Tsuzuki. Along the way, the pair met Sohryu and asked for news.

 

“No, I haven’t seen either one of them since I left the garden. Tsuzuki hasn’t returned to Meifu though. We would have felt it if he’d left us.” Sohryu paused and waved for the nearest guard. “Divine Commander Touda and the shinigami Tsuzuki, have you seen them?”

 

“I saw them arrive, sir, but I haven’t seen either of them leave. As far as I know, they’re still in the central garden.”

 

Sohryu dismissed the guard and led the other two back to the garden. Quietly, the trio stepped through the doorway and peered around. No one was sitting on the benches and the air was still and silent.

 

Just as Byakko was about to give up and try back at their home, he caught a soft snuffle that he recognized. Touda. Byakko stood patiently and strained to hear the sound again. When the sleepy sound was repeated, Byakko tiptoed over the grass and peeked over the side of the stone bench. There, on the ground, Tsuzuki and Touda slept soundly, wrapped around one another.

 

Byakko bit his lip and tried to stifle the squeal he felt burbling up inside at the adorable image displayed in front of him. Gesturing to his companions that he’d found the pair, Byakko sat on the bench and watched his lover sleep as Sohryu and Rikugo backed quietly out of the garden.

 

Occasionally, Touda would stir in his sleep and his soft snuffles would change to near whimpers, but Tsuzuki would pull him closer and eventually Touda would drift back to sleep. Byakko looked on enviously, but was grateful to his master and friend for having helped Touda through what must have been a traumatic discussion.

 

It was fully an hour before Tsuzuki opened his eyes and took in Byakko’s presence. They exchanged a smile and nod before Tsuzuki nudged Touda awake. “Someone’s here to see you,” he remarked.

 

Touda looked up and saw Byakko sitting on the bench and smiling down at him. He opened his mouth as if to speak but Byakko shook his head and stood up.

 

Kneeling on the soft grass next to Touda’s head, Byakko stroked the hair away from sleepy eyes and leaned over for a kiss. Afterward, he pulled away just a few inches and whispered, “Let’s go home.”

 


	9. Love is a Choice

**Chapter Nine:**

Tsuzuki watched quietly as Byakko and Touda walked out of the garden hand in hand. After holding Touda and watching his friend suffer under the burden of his past, he felt a sense of hope seeing the two lovers standing together now. A small kernel of guilt remained though, still festering under the surface of his feelings. This incident he’d dragged all of them into had provoked this horrible chain of events and he just couldn’t forget that. For now though, he decided to focus on the hope that Touda and Byakko could move past this. _‘They’ll be fine,’_ he thought. _‘I just wish I could have done something more.’_

 

Picking up his coat and shaking off some of the grass that had attached itself, Tsuzuki wandered out of the garden and into the hallway. With the current reason for his visit resolved, he had no reason to remain in the shikigami world and yet he was reluctant to return to Meifu and Hisoka. Despite their open and frank conversation the night before, Tsuzuki’s old demons had once again reared their ugly heads.

 

At this morning’s first light, blissfully unaware of the complications of his life, Tsuzuki had felt warm and content. Sometime during the night, Hisoka had curled himself over and around Tsuzuki like a cat. He was, at that moment, pressed tightly along the length of Tsuzuki’s side and with one leg over his partner’s hip so that it rested between Tsuzuki’s legs.  Tsuzuki’s sleepy and still unburdened mind enjoyed the feeling, indulging in the joy of waking up next to someone who he loved and who loved him in return. As a predictable morning erection spurred on by the weight of Hisoka’s leg intruded into those purer thoughts though and woke him sufficiently for his fears and guilt to resurface, Tsuzuki’s mind panicked and he pulled away in shame, escaping the bed without waking Hisoka and bolting from the apartment still in his sleep robe, carrying his clothes in front of him.

 

Tsuzuki closed his eyes and sent a silent apology to his partner. He shouldn’t have left that way, not after everything they’d said and done the night before. He was being a coward and Hisoka deserved better than that. The more time that passed, however, the harder it was to think about going back and facing up to his actions. _‘You just spent the last few hours talking to Touda about fear and you can’t even master your own,’_ Tsuzuki thought. “You aren’t just a coward, you’re a hypocrite too, and that’s even worse.”

 

“Excuse me?” a gruff voice asked from behind him.

 

Tsuzuki jumped and quickly turned around to see Rikugo and Sohryu standing behind him. Face reddened in embarrassment, Tsuzuki stammered trying to formulate a hasty response. “Uh, oh, I’m sorry, not you guys. I was just, ah, talking to myself.” _‘And out loud too, apparently,’_ Tsuzuki added silently with a groan.

 

Both shikigami eyed their master suspiciously and Tsuzuki fidgeted under the intense scrutiny. “Was – was there something that you wanted?” he finally managed to ask.

 

Sohryu cleared his throat. “Yes, well, if you are finished with those two, I’ve been sent to bring you to a certain young girl who doesn’t want you escaping without fulfilling your promise.” Sohryu tried to make it sound official, but it was just a father being bullied by his adorable daughter. Still, Tenkou could be as formidable as she was disarming. Promises made to little girls should not be broken lightly.

 

Tsuzuki beamed a happy smile at the leader of the shikigami world. This was a task he could see through without disappointing anyone. Just the thing, he thought, for restoring his confidence. “That sounds perfect.” Tsuzuki turned to Rikugo and asked, “Will you come too?”

 

Rikugo’s eyes opened in surprise and he shifted his gaze back and forth between Tsuzuki and Sohryu. “Tsuzuki… It wouldn’t be appropriate… I – I wasn’t exactly… I mean…” Rikugo looked more nervous than Tsuzuki had ever seen him.

 

Tsuzuki looked at Sohryu for help. “It’s alright, isn’t it; if Rikugo comes along with us?” Pleading eyes of purple gazed hopefully at the imposing Sohryu.

 

Now put on the spot, Sohryu indulged in a single growl at Tsuzuki before turning to Rikugo. “It’s fine, Rikugo, please come along.”

 

Rikugo looked into Sohryu’s eyes and tried to gauge his true feelings. “You have company right now, wouldn’t you prefer some privacy?”

 

Sohryu moderated his scowl and gave a passable impression of a smile. “It is alright, Rikugo, truly. Hajime is off teaching archery to Kijin and Tenkou will be playing with Tsuzuki until she’s ready for bed. It will give us a chance to… talk.” Sohryu and Rikugo had resolved many of the issues that stood between them, but rebuilding a friendship took time.

 

Rikugo inclined his head. “In that case, Sohryu, I would be honored.”

 

The trio made their way to Sohryu’s private family quarters and out onto the spacious patio. In the distant field, Terazuma was just visible, taking careful aim with his bow and demonstrating proper form to the young Kijin. Sohryu looked at his son and lover standing together and smiled indulgently with pride.

 

Rikugo and Tsuzuki, noticing where Sohryu’s attention was fixed exchanged a knowing look and Rikugo smirked behind a discreet hand as Tsuzuki giggled quietly. It was good to see Sohryu happy again. For too many years, the burdens of leadership had weighed heavily on the water dragon, especially after the loss of his wives. This relationship with Terazuma was proving to be good for Sohryu and what was good for Sohryu was ultimately good for his people as well.

 

The moment of quiet reflection was broken when Tenkou launched herself at Tsuzuki’s knees and presented him with a small crown of flowers. “Look what I made for you, Tsuzuki. I’m going to make one for Hisoka, too, and I want you to give it to him when you go home. Come over to the field and help me find flowers that you think he’d like.” With the strength of persuasion that all little girls possess, Tenkou lead Tsuzuki off by the hand to a field brimming with wildflowers.

 

Sohryu touched Rikugo’s sleeve to get his friend’s attention and gestured to the chairs arranged around a small table. “Please, sit down. Could I get you some refreshment?”

 

The astrologer walked across the patio and took a seat, arranging his robes around himself. “Thank you, no. I just had some tea with Byakko earlier. I’m fine.” He paused and studied lines of worry around Sohryu’s face as his friend took a seat next to him. “What is it? You look concerned about something.”

 

Sohryu nodded. “Hajime mentioned something to me earlier when he arrived. I’d been wondering if I should discuss it with you once I’d found Tsuzuki and gotten him occupied here with the children. Then I heard him in the hallway as we approached. Did you catch that?”

 

Rikugo nodded his assent. “Yes, I did. I take it Terazuma’s information has something to do with Tsuzuki’s cryptic criticism.”

 

Sohryu gazed over at his master who was currently plucking cornflowers and sighed. “It would seem likely.” Turning to once again face Rikugo, he added, “I’m glad Tsuzuki invited you, not just because I wanted to talk to you about this.”

 

Sohryu had difficulty expressing feelings with Rikugo, but the astrologer heard the unspoken sentiment and understood. “We both have a tendency to lock ourselves away from the world. I’m glad to see you outside of our responsibilities as well.” Rikugo watched Sohryu shift uncomfortably on his seat and then asked, “So what is it that has you worried?”

 

“It’s Tsuzuki,” Sohryu answered. “Hajime said that Hisoka was acting strangely at the office this morning and he seems to think it might have something to do with Tsuzuki or their assignment yesterday. I didn’t think much of it until I heard Tsuzuki call himself a hypocrite and a coward. I wondered if perhaps you should talk to him about it.”

 

Rikugo sat forward in his chair and looked at Sohryu incredulously. “Me?! Why me?!”

 

“Well,” Sohryu uttered as he shifted again on the chair. “It’s the sort of thing I would usually ask Touda or Byakko to talk with him about, but they’re a bit busy at the moment straightening out their own,” Sohryu paused to clear his throat, “affairs. You would seem to be the next logical choice.”

 

Rikugo closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. His first instinct was to stalk out of the palace and lock himself in his library. Sohryu was trying to delegate matters of friendship? Rikugo was furious. Still, Tsuzuki had a problem and walking out on Sohryu wasn’t going to help matters any. Needing a little more time, Rikugo paused to take his glasses off of his face, clean them on his robes and replace them before answering. “I will speak to Tsuzuki with you, if you would like, but I will not speak with him alone.”

 

Sohryu took in Rikugo’s tight jaw and body posture and realized this was the astrologer’s best and final offer. Sohryu wasn’t good at this sort of thing, it was awkward trying to talk about such issues with anyone, let alone Tsuzuki, but it had to be done. “Very well. Let me speak with Hajime, I’ll have him watch the children, and then we can take Tsuzuki somewhere to talk.” Sohryu stood up and made his way across the lawn to where Terazuma and Kijin were still taking practice shots.

 

While Sohryu spoke with Terazuma, Tenkou raced back to the patio, her hands full of floral garlands. “Look what I have, Lord Rikugo,” she squealed enthusiastically as she showed off her creations. “I made one each for you and daddy and Hajime while Tsuzuki worked on the one I let him make for Hisoka.” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially as she looked back at Tsuzuki. “His looks okay, but he’s really slow.”

 

Rikugo smiled at the child and patted her head. “He doesn’t have all the practice you’ve had. I’m sure you were a very good teacher, though and I’d bet his crown for Hisoka is quite beautiful.”

 

Tenkou beamed with pride at the praise from the astrologer and reached into her small pile of flowers. Pulling a small circlet of daisies, she handed them up to him. “Here’s the one that I made for you, if you want it that is.”

 

Rikugo put his hand to his chest in mock shock. “If I want it? Of course I want it.” He bent forward at the waist until his head was level with Tenkou’s and waited for her to put it on his head for him. Straightening up, Rikugo looked at the approaching Tsuzuki, Sohryu, Terazuma, and Kijin and asked, “How do I look?”

 

The four men started to laugh until they saw Tenkou’s crossed arms and fierce scowl.

 

“Very becoming,” Sohryu stated diplomatically in his best deadpan voice.

 

“Good,” Tenkou proclaimed as she straightened to her full four feet in height and handed a crown of blue flowers to her father and small, red ones to Terazuma. As Terazuma took his, he stared at it in disbelief. “I thought it would go nicely with your eyes,” Tenkou explained patiently.

 

Terazuma nodded and unceremoniously plopped it on top of his head. There was no point in refusing or making a fuss, the child made it for him, he loved her, and so he would wear it.

 

All eyes turned then to Sohryu who still stood holding his little band of light blue flowers in his right hand. Sohryu swallowed and looked back at all the expectant eyes. _‘They don’t seriously expect me to…’_ Sohryu stopped his train of thought when his eyes met Tenkou’s. This was the child who would inherit his office and her eyes showed her strength of character. They also betrayed her vulnerabilities. The fear that her gift might be rejected was clearly there when one looked closely enough.

 

Sohryu was a strong leader, a fierce commander, a protective man who defended those he loved and those for whom he felt responsibility. Those who were wise feared the water dragon king of the shikigami, the highest in the land save the Golden Emperor. Now though, at this moment, this powerful man was undone by a simple ring of flowers and a small child.

 

Kneeling on the ground in front of her, Sohryu stared into her eyes as he placed the crown on his head.   “Thank you,” he said softly before he took her small face in both his hands and pulled her forward to kiss her forehead. “I love you, Tenkou.”

 

The small goddess leaped into her father’s arms and the assembled men looked on as the leader of the shikigami world petted and praised his daughter. It was such a surreal moment, especially for those who had seen only the fierce side of Sohryu in council chambers or in his offices. Kijin knew his father had a different side for his family and Hajime knew Sohryu had a private face that was different from his public persona, but for Tsuzuki and especially for Rikugo, that moment was a revelation.

 

Sohryu rose to his imposing height and the moment passed. “Hajime will stay here with you two,” he said addressing his children. “Behave yourselves and do as you’re told. Lord Rikugo and I are going to see Tsuzuki off.” Tenkou looked as though she was about to say something and her father cut her off sharply. “No discussion, Tenkou. Tsuzuki kept his promise and came back to see you, but now he has to get back to Meifu to Hisoka and to his job. Be grateful for today’s visit and don’t spoil it and I’m sure he’ll come back with Hisoka sometime soon.”

 

Tsuzuki, who had been standing dumbstruck since hearing the news that he was leaving, looked now at an inquiring Tenkou and nodded his head. “Yeah, sure, I’ll be back.”

 

“Okay, then,” she squealed as she hopped forward and hugged her master’s knees. “Say hi to Hisoka for me and don’t forget to give him his crown before it wilts.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded and waved to Kijin and Terazuma as Sohryu took his elbow and began to guide him to the door. “I’m leaving?” he asked when they were out of earshot of the others. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

Rikugo joined the other two and closed the door behind himself as they moved into the hallway.   “No, Tsuzuki, you didn’t do anything wrong. We just want to have a talk with you before you go and we needed some privacy first.”

 

Sohryu steered the others to his office, dismissed his servants and locked them inside. “Sit down, Tsuzuki,” he commanded.

 

Rikugo listened to Sohryu’s booming voice and wondered if Sohryu knew how to make an invitation sound like a request or if it just always came out sounding like an order. “Please sit, Tsuzuki,” Rikugo spoke softly and indicated a small grouping of chairs away from Sohryu’s enormous desk.

 

The men made themselves comfortable and the staring contest began. Tsuzuki, not knowing what this was about, looked to the other two for some sign. Sohryu alternated between staring at Tsuzuki, willing him to volunteer his problem without prompting and staring at Rikugo to try to force him to begin the discussion.

 

Rikugo sighed and yielded to necessity. “Tsuzuki, the thing is that several of us are rather concerned about you as well after the events of yesterday. Clearly the incident had a very profound effect on Touda and Byakko. Are you and Hisoka alright?”

 

Sohryu nodded and sat back in his chair. _‘Well done,’_ he thought. _‘I knew I picked the right person for this conversation.’_

 

Tsuzuki stared blankly at Rikugo and then Sohryu before turning his eyes onto his shoes. This was his chance. Would he take his own advice or make a mockery of everything he’d said to Touda. Summoning his courage, Tsuzuki shook his head as though clearing his thoughts and sat up straight in his chair. Facing Rikugo squarely, he thought of Touda and Byakko and Hisoka and took a deep breath.

 

“I won’t say that it hasn’t left the two of us shaken, it has. We talked about it late into the night last night and I think Hisoka is doing much better now.”

 

“That’s fine, Tsuzuki,” Rikugo remarked, “but what about you?”

 

“Me? Oh, ah well, I’m fine, I suppose. I mean, it isn’t as though I saw anything that was a surprise, you know, just the usual nightmares. I really should be used to it all by now.” Tsuzuki tried to laugh it off and stopped when he saw the look on the other two men’s faces. Dropping his head down into his hand, he apologized softly. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help and I promised myself that I would take that help for once and here I am hiding again.” He spared a thought for Touda and remembered the shikigami pleading for patience and understanding because it was difficult to talk about.

 

Rikugo leaned forward and whispered his name. “Tsuzuki?”

 

“Hisoka and I are in love.” Tsuzuki sat back and looked at his friends both of whom seemed remarkably unsurprised by his revelation. Indeed, Sohryu smiled and nodded at him as though it was common knowledge. “We’re in love but we each have issues that kept either of us from saying anything to the other until last night. We’re afraid of ourselves and we’re afraid of each other and everything I do seems to hurt him. I keep messing it up and I can’t move forward and I can’t go back.”

 

“Fear is a two edged sword, Tsuzuki.” Rikugo explained. “In the correct proportions and the right situations, it helps us to evaluate, to prepare, to discern and motivate. When it begins to paralyze us, as it has done to you, and I suspect to Touda as well, that is when it becomes destructive. Fear isn’t something to try to blindly eliminate from our lives, but it should serve us, not rule us. Does that make any sense to you?”

 

Tsuzuki’s brow wrinkled as he listened to Rikugo and tried to understand. “It’s like that saying about courage being action after fear, because without fear it isn’t brave, it’s just blind optimism. Is that what you mean?”

 

“That’s part of what I’m getting at, yes. You and Hisoka have been afraid of sharing your feelings with each other for some time. What happened yesterday to change that?” Rikugo prompted.

 

“Hisoka was talking about Muraki, about how much he’d allowed Muraki to steal from him and it just came out. He said he was tired of letting Muraki win. He said that he wanted his life back for something good,” Tsuzuki explained.

 

“Hisoka finally told you about his feelings because the fear of wasting time became stronger than the fear of losing you if he spoke up. Do you see?” Rikugo knew that he was making the discussion out to be much more simplistic than it really was, but Tsuzuki needed to start somewhere and he needed to let go of what he was keeping bottled up. “Think of what you shared with him, do you remember what you said and why you said it?”

 

“I didn’t want him to be afraid. I told him things because I didn’t want him to be afraid, or to feel guilty, or to feel like he was the only one. When he told me how he was feeling, I didn’t think about losing him, I just wanted him to know the truth and to not hurt over what he was unsure of. He was so anxious about Muraki and about thinking that he was hurting me, I just couldn’t let him go on like that.” Tsuzuki paused and looked at a smiling Rikugo and realized that he’d just gotten it.

 

“You’re slow, Tsuzuki, and it’s not a bad thing to be cautious, but there is a time for action. When you look into Hisoka’s eyes and see his feelings reflecting your own, you’ll both know what to do. I’m not going to say that you’ll never have problems. All of us face problems at one time or another when we enter into a relationship with another person. You cannot let the fear of something that hasn’t happened, something that may not come to pass, rob you of the joy your future holds. You also need to give yourself permission to have that joy, Tsuzuki. Something deep inside you holds you back from joy, tells you that you don’t deserve it, but the rest of us will always be here to remind you that we feel you do. It’s a precious gift that Hisoka is offering to you, Tsuzuki. Don’t let it pass you by.” Rikugo sat back in his chair and looked over to Sohryu. _‘It’s your turn, Sohryu,’_ he sent mentally. _‘You agreed to speak, now fulfill your end of the bargain.’_

 

Sohryu sat in his chair and returned Rikugo’s stare for a moment before turning back to Tsuzuki. The shinigami looked as though he was in shock and Sohryu knew that he should say something, but what? “Tsuzuki,” his voice rang out with a clarity and confidence that he didn’t feel but had learned to fake well over the years behind his desk. When Tsuzuki turned to face him, he continued. “I don’t know what happened between you and Hisoka, it isn’t even my business if you don’t want to tell me, but I do know that sitting here with a pair of dragons and sipping tea isn’t going to fix it. Go home, talk to him over dinner. Take flowers if you think it will help. Just don’t let more time and more troubles get between you two. Hisoka is not a fool and he has great courage. Give him a chance. I don’t believe that there is anything the two of you can’t overcome if you put your heads together. You’ve had your test of fire, quite literally, and come out the other side.” Sohryu paused and looked deeply into purple eyes. “Go home.”

 

A single tear rolled down Tsuzuki’s cheek, but a smile also crossed his face. “Thank you, both of you.” Tsuzuki took a deep breath and blinked away the remaining tears in his eyes. “You’re right, of course. I am hiding and it isn’t fair at all to Hisoka. If for no other reason, I need to go home and talk to him. I love him so desperately and I’m so afraid of being rejected, that I’m leaving him first. It’s dumb and I know it.” He looked first to Rikugo, “thanks for the advice,” and then to Sohryu, “and for the kick in the pants. I needed them both.” Tsuzuki stood up and walked to Rikugo for a hug and to Sohryu for a handshake before retreating to the door of the office. Hand on the knob, he paused and turned back to the pair. “I’ll come back with Hisoka next time. Okay?”

 

Sohryu smiled indulgently. “Of course you will. My little Tenkou has commanded it.”

 

“Give my best to Hisoka, Tsuzuki,” Rikugo added.

 

Tsuzuki nodded and smiled, walked through the door and closed it behind him. Feeling more confident, he strode out of Tenkuu and walked to the gate. It was time to go home.

 

Inside the office, Rikugo watched as Sohryu retreated to his desk and sat to resume his paperwork. He walked over to the desk and stared down at the water dragon.

 

Sohryu felt the weight of Rikugo’s eyes watching him while he pretended to work. “What is it?” he finally asked, tired of the prolonged silence.

 

Rikugo hovered over Sohryu and smiled. “That was very nice, what you said to Tsuzuki. Thank you. I was afraid you weren’t going to say anything at all.”

 

Sohryu sat back in his chair and scowled. “I know it wasn’t very helpful, that’s why I asked you to do it, but you said we both had to speak and I had to say something.”

 

Rikugo leaned over the desk, puzzled. “I never said it wasn’t helpful, I think what you said was very productive, Sohryu. Each of us sees things in different ways and it helps to have more than one point of view when you try to help someone. What one person misses or doesn’t make clear, sometimes the other person can get across.” Rikugo shook his head, stood back up and made his way across the room to the door. Halfway to his destination, the astrologer paused and looked back to Sohryu. “Your problem is that you fear looking like a fool, and it holds you back from helping people. Let them know you care, Sohryu. You have a strong heart and great compassion. Letting people see that is never, ever foolish.” With that Rikugo opened the door and slipped quietly from the room.

 

Behind his desk, Sohryu stared down at the mountain of paperwork. As his head tipped forward, the crown of blue flowers shifted and fell over his forehead and into his field of vision. Reaching up, Sohryu pulled off the circlet and stared at the delicate flowers in his hand. His child had made this for him. Choosing colors to suit her father and working with her tiny hands, she had fashioned him a gift from her heart.

 

His family was gathered and Hajime was visiting. It was no day to be locked up in his office. “Paperwork will always be with us, but our loved ones are all too transitory,” he said with a touch of melancholy and spared a moment to think of all those he’d lost. Annoyed with himself, Sohryu placed the crown carefully back on the top of his head and left his desk and office behind him to spend the day with his children and his night with his lover.

 

 


	10. The Journey Begins With a Step

**Chapter Ten:**

 

 

Touda, still slightly fatigued and disoriented after his emotional discussion and subsequent nap with Tsuzuki, followed along behind Byakko who held his hand tightly and lead the way back to their home. Touda had a small cottage in the woods, but that had ceased to be ‘home’ not long after he’d taken Byakko as a lover. Byakko couldn’t stand the thought of Touda out there alone in the wilderness and in ‘those’ conditions, as he called it. While the one-room cottage wasn’t palatial, he didn’t think it was quite as shoddy as Byakko did and Touda rather liked the seclusion it afforded from the curious stares of those who wondered about his pardon. There was, however, no point in arguing with his stubborn mate. Touda still owned the cottage and used it occasionally as a retreat, but his home was now Byakko’s palace.

 

The grand palace that served as the residence and offices for the God of the West was not far from Tenkuu and soon appeared before them. When they arrived, Byakko lead Touda inside and straight up to the private wing that they shared. “Would you like to have a bath and change clothes? I know you washed up in the spring, but I thought a nice steaming hot bath might make you feel a little better.”

 

Touda considered the strained feel of his muscles and the gritty feel of his skin. The wash in the stream had removed the worst of the blood and filth, but it hardly took the place of a proper bath and soak. And while he was, truthfully, exhausted from the events of the previous day and his body’s demands for healing energy, the nap with Tsuzuki on the hard ground of the garden after a night on the rocky surface of the plateau had accentuated the aches of his injuries, leaving him stiff and pained. “Yeah,” Touda answered as he rolled his head and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “That does sound pretty inviting right about now.”

 

Byakko smiled and moved into the bathroom. Before long, the sound of running water reached Touda’s ears and billows of steam escaped from the bath chamber back into the bedroom.

 

“Go ahead and find something comfy to wear,” Byakko’s voice sounded over the running water from someplace inside the bathroom, “and I’ll finish getting things ready in here.”

 

By the time Touda retrieved the cotton slacks and tunic he preferred to wear when lounging around on lazy days in the privacy of their rooms, Byakko had set out everything that he needed to wash and the tub was full of steaming hot water. To the side, several fresh, fluffy towels waited and Byakko had turned on the heat lamps in the ceiling. The room was a perfect, cozy haven of warmth and comfort.

 

“Got any special requests for dinner?” Byakko asked.

 

Touda looked at Byakko curiously. “Dinner?”

 

“With everything that happened today, neither one of us managed to get anything to eat and you must be starving by now. I thought maybe I’d go downstairs and ask the kitchen to make something for us that we could eat up here while we talk. Everything looks better on a full stomach anyway. Right?” Byakko smiled hopefully at Touda and continued. “Besides, I thought you might like a little privacy after everything.” Byakko’s eyes dropped to the floor and he started to back through the bathroom doorway. “I’ll be back in a minute. If you need anything, just give a yell.”

 

Touda blinked as he found himself quickly staring at an empty doorway. It seemed as though Byakko had simply vanished into thin air, but he knew it was just his own perceptions which were more than a little off today. Turning back to the center of the bath, Touda looked around with appreciation at the way his lover had done his best in such a short time to make him comfortable. Looking more closely, Touda now noticed that there was even a jar of salve and a tube of liniment at hand next to the stack of towels.

 

Touda smiled wistfully. Byakko was trying very hard to get things back to normal. He was trying to set aside the guilt, not ignore it, but not dwell on it either. They would talk after dinner and it wouldn’t be easy, but Byakko was doing his best to make things as normal as possible for both of them. Touda slipped off his clothes and began to wash away the reminders of the day and resolved that he would do no less. Byakko deserved his efforts. Touda looked around himself and was forced to realize that as much as he loved Byakko, Byakko returned that loved and devotion just as much. Despite everything that he was, everything his life had been, Touda was loved, deeply and unconditionally loved. Tsuzuki was right. He was carrying too much of his past with him into the present if such a simple incident as this should have been could lead him to start this chain of events. Rather than thinking things out, he’d been doing nothing but reacting to everything around him since yesterday and it was time to take control back.

 

Byakko shut the door behind the last servant leaving the suite and began to fuss over the small table now well burdened with a wide variety of food and drink. When he had rushed into the kitchen, Byakko realized that he had no idea what to ask for. His poor cook had listened patiently to his ramblings and smiled knowingly. Patting his head as she had done since he was a child, she handed him a cookie and shooed him out of her kitchen. Fifteen minutes later, a large assortment of cold meats, cheeses, breads and fruits had appeared along with a cold bottle of white wine and a large pot of hot tea. He had needed something quickly, something they could manage on their own and, as always, she’d known exactly what to do.

 

While he had paced outside the kitchen door, a sudden notion came over Byakko and he ran outside to his garden. Looking around for inspiration, a large peony bush in the corner beckoned. Byakko retrieved a pair of shears and proceeded to cut three large blossoms off of the plant which he placed in a vase before retreating up the stairs to wait for the food. As he paced the length of the large room, he alternated listening to the splashing of Touda in the bath with anticipating the sound of steps outside the door that would signal the approach of their dinner from downstairs. In between laps of the area, he would stop and fuss with the flowers, turning them this way and that, adjusting thick stems and fluffing the large, dark pink petals to their best advantage. The eventual arrival of the food trays was a relief as it finally gave him something new to fuss over. One can only rearrange three flowers so much.

 

By the time Touda finished in the bath, put on his clothes and joined him in their sitting room, Byakko had all the food set out buffet style and stood waiting with a glass of white wine for each of them. Byakko had decided against candles thinking that it was, perhaps, a little too optimistic and didn’t want to send the wrong signals about what he expected for the evening. He settled for a nice fire in the fireplace instead.

 

“Here,” Byakko said extending a glass to Touda, “unless you’d rather have tea. We have that, too.”

 

Touda walked across the room, muscles nicely loosened from his hot bath and took the glass of wine from his partner. “It all looks wonderful, Byakko. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I saw all of this.” Touda set about moving around the room nibbling first from a plate of cheese and then a small bowl of grapes.

 

Byakko watched his lover and breathed a sigh of relief. Touda was walking normally again and looked happier than he had since this whole mess started. The lines of stress and pain around his eyes were gone and he looked almost like his usual self. Moving to join his lover, Byakko handed him a plate. “Here you go, grab what you’d like and we’ll get comfortable in front of the fire.”

 

Touda set his wine glass down and took the offered plate. When he had filled it all the way to the edges with his dinner selections, he retrieved his wine and went to sit in one of the two chairs arranged next to the fireplace.

 

It wasn’t an especially cold night, but Byakko and Touda always appreciated a nice fire. There was something relaxing about the warmth and crackle, the dancing flames that hypnotized a person and removed the cares of the day. Byakko had arranged two side tables next to the chairs for their plates and glasses and as they ate, the fire burned steadily in the grate.

 

Touda looked into the fire and grinned as he wondered if Byakko had started it himself or if he’d gotten one of the servants to do it. Touda was always in charge of the fireplace when they were alone together as Byakko had what one might term ‘difficulties’ with matches and starting a fire was hardly a hardship for a fire shikigami. The realization that he was perfectly at home in these surroundings hit him as he popped an olive into his mouth. Before, he’d always felt as though he was intruding into Byakko’s space, but tonight this truly felt like his home as well. Turning to face Byakko who was stuffing his face with a thick slice of ham, Touda cocked his head to the side and studied his lover. “I love you,” he said suddenly and in a strong voice that admitted no doubt. When Byakko turned to face him, surprise in his eyes and ham still hanging out of his mouth, Touda repeated himself. “I love you.”

 

Touda looked at Byakko who stared back as he sat dumbfounded and frozen in his chair. Laughing softly at his paralyzed partner, Touda set his plate aside so that he could stand up and moved in front of Byakko’s chair. Reaching forward, Touda seized the piece of ham hanging outside Byakko’s lips and gave it a tug until it tore from the rest inside Byakko’s mouth. Placing the remaining slice on Byakko’s plate, Touda leaned down and kissed Byakko’s salty lips gently before returning to his seat.

 

The spell broken by Touda’s kiss, Byakko quickly chewed and swallowed his mouthful before blurting out, “I love you, too.”

 

“That’s good,” was Touda’s only remark before retrieving his plate and resuming his dinner.

 

Byakko watched his partner as he finished his dinner. Touda was acting awfully strange this evening, but it seemed strange good rather than strange bad so he resolved to not over think it too much.

 

When each man had eaten his fill, Byakko gathered the plates and glasses and rang for a servant to take away the remains, leaving only the fruit and the pot of lukewarm tea. With the servant dismissed and the pair finally alone for the night, the time to talk could no longer be put off.

 

Byakko sat in his chair and fidgeted, not sure how to begin the conversation. “I’m sorry,” he began. Seeing Touda start to protest, Byakko put up a hand to forestall him. “Wait, please. I know you aren’t blaming me for this, but I am still sorry that it happened and I’m very sorry that I wasn’t more sensitive to your feelings this morning. I think all my guilt-tripping actually made you feel worse about everything and that was completely unfair of me. You’ve been through a tough experience and as your lover I’m supposed to help you, support you, make things better, but I was too wrapped up in myself to see what you really needed. For all of that, I’m sorry.”

 

After a pause, Byakko continued. “Waking up and seeing you like that this morning, it was so frightening. I hate that I lose control that way, that I could hurt even you when I lose myself. I love you more than anything. I let my fear and guilt overwhelm me and so I didn’t pay attention to what I should have been doing. I feel like I’ve failed you in so many ways and yet you still love me. I don’t deserve you, Touda, but I am grateful that you came home with me.” Byakko stopped for a second and risked a glance at Touda. “If you’d like to talk to me, if you think it would help, I mean, I want to hear what you have to say.”

 

Touda stared into the fire for a few moments and tried to digest everything he’d heard. “You are so much younger than me. I’m what, three times your age, and yet you are so much more grown up than me right now.”

 

Byakko was used to taking jibes about his age. He was one of the youngest of the divine commanders except for Sohryu’s children and the youngest by far of the four gods. This comment from Touda was certainly not what he was expecting to hear, however, and his confusion showed on his face.

 

Touda took a deep breath and forced himself to speak. “I understand what you felt this morning because I’ve been exactly where you are and yet I still focused on myself instead of you. Whatever you think you may have done, I promise you I’ve done worse and should have expected how you would feel. From the time all of this began yesterday, I’ve thought only of how I felt. Sohryu told me to leave you alone, that it was what you would want, but I didn’t listen, because I couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to you and you being without my protection. At that moment, I needed to protect you. I needed to keep you safe from everything. Then later, even once I saw what was happening, I needed to stay, needed to do nothing to stop you, because I…” Touda broke off and fought back tears.

 

Byakko listened intently and began to comprehend that this stemmed from Touda’s own behavior centuries ago and then it hit him. “Does this have something to do with the creature we fought yesterday?”

 

Touda nodded and took a breath to steady his nerves. “You know that I killed your father.” It wasn’t a question, but Touda waited until Byakko gave a small nod. “I’m aware of the things that I did back then, but mostly in an intellectual sense only. When the madness took me, it happened in much the same way as you described your own experiences. I have no true memory of the things that I did; I remember the horror and the anger and the fear and the devastation, but not the actual actions or the images. The thing that we fought yesterday, generously supplied me with a few of those images. I actually witnessed my past the way a third party would have seen it and it was worse than I had even imagined. One of the things that I saw was your father lying in the street, broken. It looked like you, Byakko. He looked exactly like you. It’s bad enough to know that I killed a good friend, to see first hand what I’d done, but my mind looked at that image and for a time all that I saw was you and I wanted to die. After seeing that, I just couldn’t raise a hand against you. I put you in a bad position by choosing to stay so close to you and then I couldn’t stop something that I should have known would hurt you, because my own guilt and shame and hurt were so overwhelming.”

 

Touda paused again to catch his breath and blink back tears before he turned to face Byakko and continued. “I wasn’t lying when I said you held back. You weren’t cruel or vicious, just forceful and I didn’t resist. I never said no. Maybe I should have, maybe that would have been better for you. I just can’t keep second guessing all of this in my head. I made the choice that I did because I love you. I wanted it to be the right choice and if it’s not, then we’ll have to deal with it, but I want to be clear that I don’t blame you for any of this. If I blamed you, I’d have to blame myself as well and I can already see the fur standing up on your back at the mere thought.” Touda paused and smiled at Byakko. “Any hurt we may have caused each other was unintentional, if you can forgive me for my part, we can just start to heal and move on.”

 

Byakko launched himself forward to sit on the floor at Touda’s feet and hugged Touda’s knees fiercely. He wanted to say something, but all he could do was cry.

 

Touda leaned over his smaller lover and stroked his hair and back to calm the crying man. “It’s okay, Byakko. Everything will be alright.”

 

Byakko wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked up at Touda’s gentle face. “That’s what I want, that’s all I want. I just want things back to normal. Will we ever be able to get back to normal? I can’t forget that I made you afraid. How can you feel safe with me, how can you be with me if you don’t feel safe?” The fear of losing Touda gripped his heart once again and Byakko’s tears resumed as he buried his face back into Touda’s knees.

 

Touda winced as Byakko’s grip on his legs tightened. _‘He’s really afraid that I’m going to leave him,’_ Touda observed to himself. “Byakko, look at me,” he asked softly. When Byakko didn’t look up, Touda asked again more firmly, a no nonsense tone in his voice that demanded compliance. “Byakko, look at me!”

 

Byakko looked up into fierce golden eyes that held him spellbound. Focused and intent, Touda’s eyes burned into him and Byakko felt as though his lover could read his soul. Swallowing loudly, Byakko stopped snuffling and paid attention.

 

Touda looked deeply into Byakko’s eyes and willed him to hear and understand. “For a few moments, I was afraid, not of you so much, but of what was happening. I was afraid, Byakko, but I never, NEVER, stopped trusting you. I believed in you enough then to stay and I’m not going anywhere now. I’m not afraid of you. I love you. There is nothing that you will ever do that will change that. I can say that because I know you, all of you. I know what you are capable of, and I am still here.”

 

Byakko stared into deadly serious eyes and saw nothing but truth. Touda meant every word he was saying. It didn’t matter if Byakko himself didn’t understand it, Touda did, and Touda meant what he had said. It occurred to Byakko that Touda knew a side of Byakko that he himself would never fully understand. Touda knew more about him than he did or ever could. Oddly, he felt a measure of comfort in that thought and relaxed slightly. It seemed strange to him that Touda could genuinely trust him that much, but then, hadn’t people said the same thing to him? Over and over again when Byakko had first started seeing the former prisoner, the other divine commanders had come to him expressing confusion and outrage that Byakko could trust the man that had killed his father. Byakko had told them all the same thing, _‘You don’t know him like I do. There’s more to him than that. I trust him. I love him.’_ His own words from that time came back to him now as he really heard and understood what Touda was saying. Touda was giving him the same measure of trust and love that Byakko had once offered him. Maybe it wasn’t so surprising after all.

 

Byakko opened his mouth, planning to say something profound or grown up in response to Touda’s words, but what came out was a large yawn. Byakko turned bright red and sputtered, “I’m sorry,” with embarrassment.

 

Touda laughed heartily. If Byakko was relaxed enough to yawn, he had to be letting go of some of the troubles this day had seen and a good night’s sleep sounded perfect to him right now. “Come on, tiger. Let’s go catch a nice, long, cat nap.”

 

Byakko scowled up at his playful partner. “You’re just making fun of me now. It’s not fair. I can’t help it if I yawn. It’s not like I meant to do it or that I could stop it.”

 

Touda laughed harder in the face of his lover’s indignant scowl. “I’m not making fun of you, love. I’m tired and you obviously are too. Let’s go to bed already. We could both use a good night’s rest after that wonderful meal and tomorrow we’ll make plans to do something fun.”

 

Easily distracted from his bad humor, Byakko sat up on his heels and looked wishfully at Touda. “We can? Like what?”

 

Byakko’s eagerness to plan their day was a sight for sore eyes. It was the happy Byakko face that Touda loved so much. Caressing Byakko’s cheek with one hand, he said, “Come on, we’ll talk about it in bed and you can make some suggestions.”

 

Byakko leapt from the floor and reached the bed in just three bounces. “Um, we could go to the lake and take a picnic, or we could go visit some of our friends, or…” Byakko paused, biting his lower lip in concentration, “or maybe we could go to Meifu and visit with Tsuzuki and Hisoka. I didn’t get to see much of Tsuzuki while he was here and I feel kinda bad about that and it would be nice to see Hisoka again.”

 

Touda reached the bed and climbed in more gently than Byakko had. Slipping between cool, clean sheets, he indulged in a stretch and fluffed his pillow before settling back. “If we take a picnic with us to Meifu, we’d be doing all three at once now wouldn’t we?”

 

Closing his eyes, Touda tried concentrating for a moment, but the link between him and Tsuzuki felt cold. Tsuzuki was focused on something at the moment and now might not be the best time to disturb him if it was something serious.

 

Touda opened his eyes to see Byakko looking at him expectantly. “Did he say yes? Can we go to Meifu tomorrow?”

 

“I’m sorry, Byakko, I didn’t reach him. He might be asleep or maybe he’s just really busy with something. We’ll catch him first thing in the morning after he’s had some sugar. He’ll be in a good mood then and it’ll make for a nice surprise.”

 

Byakko looked as though he might give in to a pout for a moment, but nodded his head and relaxed back down onto the massive bed. Curling around Touda’s form, Byakko suddenly stilled and looked up at Touda’s face. “It’s okay, right?”

 

Touda put his arm around Byakko and pulled him even closer before enclosing him in a hug and kissing his forehead. “It’s more than okay. It’s just right. Now, go to sleep and we’ll plan our day when you wake up.”

 

Byakko nodded and closed his eyes but didn’t fall asleep right away. He remained awake for some time listening to the change of breathing that signaled Touda’s slumber. _‘It’s really gonna be okay,’_ he thought. _‘If Touda can fall asleep with me like this, it’s gonna be okay.’_ Sending a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens that Touda was in his life, Byakko released his worries from his mind and slipped into restful sleep beside his partner.

 


	11. More than the Sum of the Parts

**Chapter Eleven:**

 

 

Hisoka sat in the library under the careful watch of the Gushoshin brothers. He’d been staring at the same volume for fifteen minutes without turning the page and each brother was trying to convince the other that he should check on the shinigami. Hisoka gave the pair a scathing glance to chase them off and then drank down the dregs of his now cold tea. Pushing his chair back, he stood and walked over to the water dispenser intending to get more hot water and replace his tea bag.

 

A sensation pricked at the edges of his awareness and Hisoka sighed, rinsed out his cup and set it back on the counter. Tsuzuki was back, he was nearby, and he was looking for him. It was time to decide how to handle things.

 

Hisoka had been furious when he’d awoken to the sound of his front door closing and realizing that Tsuzuki had snuck out. More than just being angry, the abandonment had made him afraid, afraid that he was losing something that he thought was more secure than ever and the knowledge that he possessed that fear fed his anger even more. Hisoka didn’t like being afraid, he didn’t like the idea of being dependant on anyone else. Hisoka decided that he wasn’t so sure he really liked the notion of being in love.

 

As he stood by the small coffee and tea bar, Hisoka contemplated the relative merits of running to meet Tsuzuki, running away, or just staying where he was. In the end, Hisoka decided that if Tsuzuki was so skittish, it was best to let him find Hisoka. That way there were no misunderstandings. The idea of running away was still tempting, but although Hisoka could hide from Tsuzuki, he couldn’t hide from his feelings for him. He had trusted Tsuzuki time and time again in the past; it was time to trust him again.

 

Hisoka returned to his chair and his book, this time actually reading it. Knowing that Tsuzuki was back in Meifu removed much of the distraction he’d been feeling since reporting for work. Paperwork completed and filed, there wasn’t much for him to do; and as distracted and grumpy as he was, Hisoka was quickly chased out of the office by his co-workers. He’d taken refuge in the library. Books were a familiar companion and he lost himself in one again on the pretext of doing research.

 

It took Tsuzuki another hour before he finally caught up with Hisoka in the library. One look at Tsuzuki’s bashfully grinning face and the enormous bouquet of flowers told Hisoka all he needed to know without ever dropping his shields. Tsuzuki was back and this time it was for good.

 

“Hisoka? Can we talk? If you aren’t busy, I mean?” Tsuzuki asked hesitantly as he looked over at the book Hisoka had been reading.

 

One of the Gushoshin brothers flapped into the room and shushed Tsuzuki harshly.

 

Hisoka walked over to the doorway where Tsuzuki waited and whispered, “We are in a library, Tsuzuki. There might be better places to have a talk.”

 

Tsuzuki looked apologetically in Gushoshin’s direction and rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry,” he whispered loudly.

 

Hisoka closed his book and returned it to Gushoshin’s care before removing his jacket from the back of the chair and rejoining Tsuzuki in the doorway. “Let’s go.”

 

The light of day was fading and yielding to what passed for evening in the artificial environment of Meifu. As they walked away from the library and down the path, a brisk wind made the cherry blossom petals swirl through the air and around their feet. Tsuzuki was uncharacteristically quiet and Hisoka was content to simply follow and enjoy his partner’s company.

 

“Dinner?” Tsuzuki finally suggested as they walked along.

 

Hisoka smiled. _‘That’s more like my Tsuzuki,’_ he thought. “Sure,” he answered quietly.

 

“Is there any place in particular you’d like to-” Tsuzuki started to ask Hisoka for suggestions, but cut himself off when his flailing hand gestures brought the enormous bouquet in his hands to his attention. “Oh, um, oops,” Tsuzuki stuttered as he held the arrangement in front of him, “here, these are for you.”

 

Hisoka had seen the flowers as soon as Tsuzuki walked into the door. They were rather hard to miss. He noted now, with appreciation, that roses, that flower that Muraki always seemed to favor, were completely absent from the bouquet. The fistful of flowers Tsuzuki thrust out in front of himself contained very little in the way of scent, but the collection of white and purple irises with white and yellow mums, was still very beautiful and very touching to Hisoka.

 

Reaching out, Hisoka accepted the flowers and held them delicately with both hands. “Thank you,” he said softly and with appreciation. Thinking for a moment, Hisoka added, “Um, if we’re going to be a while at dinner, I should probably go home first and put these in some water. They’d be hard to take into a restaurant and would be all wilted by the time we went h- I mean, by the time I got back to my apartment.” Hisoka kicked himself. _‘Only the third thing I’ve said to him since he got back and I’m already putting my foot in it.’_

Tsuzuki smiled at Hisoka’s near use of the word, ‘home’, and at the fact that he was now speaking in full sentences. He seemed to have been pleased with the flowers as well which Tsuzuki took as a good sign. “Why don’t we just get take out again and go back to your place then, if that’s alright with you?” he suggested tentatively. “Or we could go to my apartment if you’d rather. I’m not sure where else to suggest, but-”   Tsuzuki cut himself off. He knew he was starting to babble, but his nerves were overriding his mouth.

 

Hisoka weighed his options. _‘Maybe he’d be more comfortable, less likely to run away if we went to his apartment,’_ he thought to himself. “Why don’t we go to your place, then, if you have something for me to put these in, that is,” he added gesturing with the flowers.

 

“A vase,” Tsuzuki said out loud as he thought about the question. “I’m sure I’ve got one floating around somewhere, I must have; and there’s a really nice Italian place on the way where we could pick up some dinner.”

 

Hisoka’s stomach rumbled at the thought of food. The Chinese food had been good, but two nights in a row was too much and Hisoka hadn’t eaten anything since then. “That sounds very good,” he admitted, adding when his stomach growled loudly enough for Tsuzuki to hear, “I sort of skipped lunch today.”

 

Purple eyes glowed with an unholy light and Hisoka had visions of just how much food would be coming home with them. Tsuzuki had an enormous appetite at the best of times. Armed now with the excuse of needing to get Hisoka to eat, they would need two extra hands to get their feast home.

 

When they arrived outside the restaurant, Hisoka opted to wait outside on a bench while Tsuzuki went in to order and collect their food. After a day of emotional ups and downs, his shields felt fragile and he didn’t feel like facing a restaurant full of people celebrating their joys and drowning their sorrows.

 

When Tsuzuki finally re-emerged from the restaurant, he was wearing an enormous grin and carrying two huge bags each filled to the top with take out containers. “Oh, you should have seen it all, Hisoka. They had all these desserts: tiramisu, cannolis, gelato. It was unbelievable.”

 

With a small chuckle, Hisoka took in the full to bursting bags and shook his head. “Let me guess, you got one of everything right?”

 

Tsuzuki beamed with pride. “Of course, what if we missed the best part because we left something out? You wouldn’t want that to happen. Besides, it would be insulting to the chef to suggest that anything he made wasn’t as good as something else.”

 

Tsuzuki logic. Hisoka shook his head again and stood up from the bench. You don’t argue with Tsuzuki logic, you just play along and hope you don’t have to pick up the tab. “Well, let’s go then before your manicotti gets cold and your gelato melts.”

 

Fortunately for both of them, the restaurant was less than two blocks from Tsuzuki’s place so it wasn’t long before they arrived and stood in the kitchen sorting their booty.

 

“I think I have a vase in one of these out of the way cupboards,” Tsuzuki said as he rooted in the generally unused cabinet space above the refrigerator. “Aha!” he shouted in victory as he displayed a plain, clear glass vase he’d managed to locate. The vase was covered in dust, but looked large enough to hold the flowers.

 

Hisoka took the vase from Tsuzuki and started to wash it out and refill it with water while Tsuzuki put away the step stool and started opening the food containers. “Oh, it all looks and smells so good. I don’t know where to start.”

 

“Why don’t you start by putting away the things that need to stay cold,” Hisoka suggested. “That gelato needs to go into the freezer and the other desserts should probably go in the refrigerator.”

 

Tsuzuki tucked the desserts safely away and retrieved plates and silverware while Hisoka finished with his flowers and poured them two glasses of water. Having too many containers to move, the pair ate at the table, working their way through each of the dishes, Hisoka eating a small portion and Tsuzuki finishing the rest. Tsuzuki insisted on making Hisoka take as much of each as he liked first, knowing that there wouldn’t be more left after he ate.

 

Hisoka enjoyed his dinner and enjoyed the company. He’d been so afraid just a few hours earlier that their days of shared meals, good, bad, and otherwise, might be coming to an end. Now, though, everything seemed to be back to normal.

 

They’d finished eating their main meal, but were not quite ready for dessert, so while they idled in contentment, staring at their plates, Hisoka finally broached the subject of Tsuzuki’s trip. “Did you find out what was wrong with Touda and Byakko?”

 

The satisfied grin Tsuzuki had been wearing since finishing the last breadstick now fell from his face and was replaced with a look of sadness. Tsuzuki rose to clear the dishes from the table and then puttered about making coffee while he offered a condensed version of events. Not wishing to embarrass Touda or Byakko or break any confidences, he didn’t share the entire story, but after his own behavior this morning and his reasons for not returning right away. He owed Hisoka more than just a brush off. Besides, there was nothing he could tell Hisoka that his partner would ever use to betray them. He genuinely liked the shikigami and his capacity for compassion endeared him to them as well. They knew he would tell Hisoka some of what went on, and they trusted him with that information.

 

“So Byakko has what, like an allergy?” Hisoka asked after Tsuzuki finished.

 

“Something like that; like I said, it’s something he’s had problems with before and I guess the guardian pulled that out and tried to use it against him,” Tsuzuki remarked.

 

“I wonder if it’s anything that Watari could help him with. I mean, people are treated for allergies all the time on earth so why not a shikigami too?” Hisoka observed.

 

“What a great thought. We’ll have to ask Watari about that tomorrow. It would be so nice if something good could come out of all of this. I just feel so bad for him and for Touda. This has been so hard on both of them; not just their individual issues with the guardian’s revelations, but also the fallout from that night.” Tsuzuki sighed and sipped at his coffee.

 

“It’s not your fault, Tsuzuki. You know that, right?” Hisoka put a hand on Tsuzuki’s arm and shook him slightly. “It’s sad that this happened, but it isn’t your doing. We were given a job to do and we did it. We didn’t have all the information. We all did the best that we could and we all lived through it. In some ways, this has left us stronger than before if a little battered and shaky. The little girl’s spirit is safely delivered and we’re all still here. Don’t go looking for blame, Tsuzuki. Not this time.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded his head and sipped at his coffee, but Hisoka was still worried. “How about that dessert now?” he suggested, rising from the table and opening the refrigerator door.

 

“I thought you were stuffed?” Tsuzuki said quietly from the table.

 

“Aren’t you the man who always told me that desserts go into a separate stomach; that there was always room for dessert; that desserts slid between the cracks?” Hisoka teased.

 

“Okay, okay, I give,” Tsuzuki relented with a laugh. “Bring it on.”

 

Hisoka opened the refrigerator and pulled out four white boxes, three small and one much larger. “This one’s pretty big, Tsuzuki. I don’t remember you having anything this size in the takeout bag. What is it?”

 

“Oh, um, that’s not one of the desserts, that’s sort of a present for you. Well, it’s not a real presenty sort of present, it’s just something that I made for you with help from Tenkou. She says, ‘hi’, by the way and she wants to see you the next time we go to the shikigami world.” Tsuzuki fidgeted as he spoke, convinced that Hisoka would hate the little ring of flowers he’d tried to make. Despite Tenkou’s careful instructions, Tsuzuki thought his crown looked silly compared to the ones she’d made for the other men.

 

“Can I open it?” Hisoka asked, curious about what Tsuzuki had lurking inside the box. He couldn’t imagine what sort of thing Tsuzuki could have made for him unless it was… “You didn’t try to bake something, did you?” he asked tentatively.

 

“No, I didn’t bake it,” Tsuzuki answered as he pushed the box toward Hisoka. “Go ahead, open it.”

 

Hisoka slowly pried open the lid of the box and looked inside. A small circlet of flowers, daisies and violets, sat on a bed of tissue paper inside what looked like an old cake box. Stains from icing remained on the lid and around the edges and the scents of violets and vanilla blended together in the air.

 

“Sorry about the box. I didn’t want it to wilt while I was looking for you and I thought it would keep longer in the refrigerator. I had a cake box left over, so I cleaned it out as best I could and put tissue over the sticky spots. I hope it didn’t mess up the flowers too much. Anyway, Tenkou was making these flower crowns for everyone and she wanted to show me how to make one to take to you since you didn’t come along, and I… Well, I hope it isn’t too bad. You don’t have to wear it or anything. I promised her that I’d give it to you though so there it is.” Tsuzuki clenched his fists and bit his lip. He was babbling again and didn’t know how else to stop the flow of words. He felt foolish giving Hisoka such a cheap gift after what he’d done this morning and he wished he’d thought to do something better when he got home. He was so focused on finding his partner though, it was all he could do to drop the circlet off at the apartment and then stop somewhere quickly to buy a bouquet of fresh flowers.

 

Hisoka stared into the box, speechless. In his mind, he tried to form the image of Tsuzuki sitting in the grass with Tenkou and fashioning flower crowns. Not surprisingly, it wasn’t too difficult a picture to conjure, sometimes his partner was as much of a child as Tenkou, but it was also lovely. He wished he’d been able to see it in person. “Tsuzuki, it’s…”

 

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. It’s really dumb, huh?”

 

“No,” Hisoka countered, “that’s not what I’m trying to say at all.” Frustrated with his inability to convey his feelings, Hisoka picked up the little floral wreath and placed it on his head before standing up, walking to where Tsuzuki sat, plopping himself down on his partner’s lap and kissing him senseless. When he finally came up for air, Hisoka looked down into Tsuzuki’s glazed eyes and said, “That’s what I’m trying to say.”

 

Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair as Hisoka put his arms around his neck and hugged him. Tentatively, Tsuzuki put his arms around Hisoka’s back and returned the embrace. “Does this mean that you… liked it?” Tsuzuki whispered into Hisoka’s ear where it rested inches away from his lips.

 

Hisoka stayed where he was, his face safely hidden from Tsuzuki’s view. He knew now what he wanted to say, he just wasn’t sure that he could look at Tsuzuki, or be looked at, while he did it. “I like that you came back and that you came looking for me.” Hisoka paused to kiss Tsuzuki’s ear and then continued. “It isn’t the bouquet of flowers, Tsuzuki, it’s the way you chose what went into them… and what didn’t. It isn’t the dinner, Tsuzuki; it’s the way you worried about where I’d be comfortable and that you wanted to make sure that I ate. It isn’t the flower crown, Tsuzuki, it’s that you sat with Tenkou and made it with your own hands. You labored over something, putting yourself into it, thinking of me while you worked, and doing your best. It isn’t how much you spend, or how big the present, it’s how much of yourself shows in what you do. That’s why I like it. That’s why I love you.”

 

Tsuzuki hugged Hisoka a little tighter and, for the first time, had not a care in the world for the fact that four untouched desserts sat a mere three feet away from him. Tsuzuki had everything that he wanted in his arms already.

 

Eventually, Hisoka sat back and surveyed the table. “It’s a good thing that I didn’t get the gelato out of the freezer, but we should either eat the rest of this or put it back in the refrigerator, you know. What’s in the third box anyway? You mentioned gelato, cannolis, and tiramisu, but what’s the other dessert?”

 

Tsuzuki fought to bring his thoughts back to food, an unusual state of affairs for him and it left him disoriented. “That’s, um, that’s the… biscotti. Oh yeah, I bought some of the biscotti too.” Now back in his food groove, Tsuzuki’s eyes lit up with the memory of the display case. “You should have seen all of it, Hisoka. This place is really amazing. If you like the food, we should go there again sometime soon.”

 

“We will,” Hisoka said leaning forward on Tsuzuki’s lap to reach the boxes, “but for now, we need to finish what we already have.” Setting aside the box of biscotti since it would keep; Hisoka opened the box holding the pair of cannolis and the large piece of tiramisu. Picking up one of the cannolis, Hisoka held it out in front of Tsuzuki and waited for him to take a bite.

 

Opening wide, Tsuzuki wrapped his mouth around the pastry with its sweet filling and bit down just half an inch from where Hisoka’s fingers held a firm grip. Chewing slowly, he gestured with one hand that Hisoka should finish the rest.

 

Hisoka popped the remaining piece in his mouth and licked the sticky filling off where it clung to his fingers. Not seeing Tsuzuki’s reaction, Hisoka looked to the box and picked up the remaining cannoli.

 

Tsuzuki’s eyes fixed on Hisoka’s hand when the long, slender fingers went into his mouth. Seeing that image while he ate his own portion made for a powerful effect. A mouth full of sugar and a lap full of Hisoka was a wonderful thing indeed. When Hisoka offered the remaining cannoli, Tsuzuki took a large bite as he had before, but closed his eyes while he chewed. He didn’t need the added temptation of seeing Hisoka lick his fingers again unless he wanted to embarrass himself. Unfortunately for Tsuzuki, his imagination was almost as bad as reality.

 

Taking the opportunity to watch Tsuzuki unobserved, Hisoka grinned in amusement at his partner’s expression. Tsuzuki sat with his eyes tightly closed and a beautiful red blush creeping all the way up his face from his neck. Some days it was annoying that Tsuzuki thought he could hide things from his empathic co-worker, but today Hisoka found it endearing. Feeling a wicked streak come over him, Hisoka reached forward again and retrieved the tiramisu box.

 

Tsuzuki opened his eyes when he felt Hisoka move around on his lap and saw the box of tiramisu in his hands between them. “Um, we don’t have any forks left on the table, we cleared them away when we put the dishes in the sink,” Tsuzuki observed.

 

“I know,” Hisoka said flashing a wicked smile. “Why dirty more silverware? I think we can manage without it. After all, my hands are already sticky.” Reaching into the box, Hisoka ran his forefinger through the mascarpone filling and withdrew a large dollop. As soon as Tsuzuki opened his mouth in surprise, Hisoka popped his finger inside.

 

Tsuzuki couldn’t believe what Hisoka was doing, but enjoyed the creamy, coffee flavored dessert and sucked all the remnants off of Hisoka’s finger before he let the digit leave his mouth.

 

Hisoka sat back in stunned embarrassment. That wasn’t what he’d expected. In thinking that he was going to tease Tsuzuki a bit, Hisoka found himself getting hard at the feeling of Tsuzuki licking and sucking on his finger. Now he sat motionless, still holding the dessert box and watching Tsuzuki watch him.

 

Tsuzuki grinned up at his friend and reached for the tiramisu. Knowing that Hisoka preferred his desserts to be more savory than sweet, Tsuzuki grabbed for the bottom layers of coffee soaked ladyfingers and pulled out a large chunk, heedless of the liqueur syrup dripping from his fingers. Putting it up to Hisoka’s mouth, he watched as his partner tentatively parted his lips and allowed Tsuzuki to pop the messy mouthful inside.

 

Hisoka tasted the full bodied coffee syrup and cake and moaned aloud. Never having enjoyed food that much before, Hisoka spared a thought to wonder if this tiramisu was really that good, if any tiramisu with Tsuzuki was that good, or if the food didn’t even matter because he was just funneling Tsuzuki’s own feelings into his thoughts. In the end, he decided he didn’t care. It was too much fun eating with his partner and he savored the flavor slowly before swallowing.

 

Each man looked at the other, and in an unspoken agreement, smiled and both reached into the box. The pair divided what remained in the box and each took a handful and fed the other. When the dessert itself had been consumed, each man grabbed the other’s hand. Fingers were licked and sucked clean. It wasn’t long before Hisoka was wriggling on Tsuzuki’s lap, the intense stimulation almost too much when he was open to both their minds.

 

Tsuzuki looked at his partner, flushed with happiness and arousal and still wearing his floral crown. Putting both hands on Hisoka’s hips, Tsuzuki pulled him forward to lick at a stray bit of cream that lingered at the edge of his lips.

 

Hisoka, caught up in the moment, grabbed Tsuzuki’s head and redirected that teasing tongue into his mouth and sealed their lips together. When Tsuzuki finally succeeded in pulling back, Hisoka breathed heavily and whispered huskily, “The only way you’re getting out of this chair is if you’re taking me to bed right now, otherwise, you’d better kiss me again. I’m tired of this. I want you and I can tell that you want me. If I need you to stop or slow down I promise I’ll tell you, but if you don’t touch me soon I’ll explode.”

 

Tossing aside the dessert box that had been crushed between them during the kiss, Tsuzuki looked at his partner and finally nodded his head. Getting a firm grip on Hisoka’s hips, Tsuzuki held their bodies tightly together and stood up.

 

Hisoka threw his arms around Tsuzuki’s neck and gripped Tsuzuki with legs that were now wrapped behind his back. When Tsuzuki decided he had a secure enough hold on Hisoka, he walked them slowly and carefully back to his bedroom.

 

Making his way to the bed by only the light in the hallway and his own memory, Tsuzuki put one knee carefully on the mattress and leaned forward until Hisoka’s back made contact with the bed. Trying to hold himself back slightly, Tsuzuki hovered over Hisoka and continued to kiss him.

 

Hisoka took his hands away from the grip he had on Tsuzuki’s neck and transferred them to the buttons on his partner’s shirt. Sticky fingers worked quickly and he yanked the shirt open and the tails out of Tsuzuki’s pants. When his hands reached for Tsuzuki’s belt, he felt his hand trapped in a tight grip.

 

“Whoa, slow down,” Tsuzuki said quietly, nipping at Hisoka’s chin.

 

Hisoka struggled to free his hand and search out Tsuzuki’s eyes in the dim light of the unlit room. “I don’t want to slow down, Tsuzuki. I know what I want.”

 

Tsuzuki’s silhouette nodded and he gave an unseen smile. “I know you do,” he replied, sincerity in his voice. He really did believe now that Hisoka knew what he was doing and he trusted his partner to let him know what the limits were. “I just didn’t want it to end quite so quickly.”

 

Hisoka shifted his hands away from Tsuzuki’s belt and to his own shirt hem. Lifting it quickly over his head and tossing it away, he gave Tsuzuki a quick peck on the lips and answered, “Who said anything about it ending? Unless you’re planning on kicking me out right away, I plan on a nice shower after this and then spending the night right here in bed with you. I would, however, like to be able to touch you in the next sixty seconds if you think you can manage that?”

 

Tsuzuki’s eyes went wide at Hisoka’s bold challenge and he knelt upright on the bed for the few seconds it took him to process what he’d heard. “You want to stay? Really?”

 

Hisoka crooked his head sideways in confusion. “Well of course I do, and you want me to stay, too, right?”

 

“Of course I want you to stay, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki protested. “I want you to move in tonight and never leave if that’s what you want. I just didn’t want to assume that this meant… I mean I know we both want… well…” Tsuzuki drifted off, tongue tied and confused.

 

Eyes mostly adapted to the filtered light creeping into the room from the lamps in the rest of the apartment and past the mostly closed blinds, Hisoka took stock of his flustered partner, hair ruffled, face flushed, and erection pushing against the front of his pants and growled in affectionate exasperation. “You’re over thinking things again, Tsuzuki.” Hisoka paused to reach up and pulled the end of Tsuzuki’s belt through the loops of his pants and unhooked it. “We have time to talk about all of this later, after we’re done,” he said emphasizing the word after. Popping the button on Tsuzuki’s slacks and lowering the zipper, Hisoka smiled at the groan of relief his partner moaned when the tension against his cock was finally released and Hisoka ran a single finger up and down the hardness in front of him.

 

Tsuzuki’s eyes rolled back in his head at the incredible feeling of Hisoka’s slowly stroking touch running over his erection. Even through the layer of underwear still separating him from Hisoka’s hands, the feeling of his love’s touch was unbearably good.   It was a wicked temptation he felt to reach down and force Hisoka’s hand into a tighter hold, a firmer touch, but Tsuzuki resisted. He had to let Hisoka take the lead this time. He didn’t want to do anything to scare his love away. Reaching over to the head of the bed, Tsuzuki grabbed the edge of the covers and pulled them down to where they met his knees before reluctantly backing away from that heavenly contact and standing on the floor.

 

Hisoka savored the sensation of the love and lust rolling off of his partner, but the nervousness he felt made him uneasy. “Are you worried for yourself, Tsuzuki, or are you worried about me still?” he asked as he scooted to the edge of the bed and joined his partner in standing by it.

 

“I’m afraid,” Tsuzuki confessed quietly. “I’m afraid of hurting you or forcing you to do something you don’t want to. Just now, I wanted so much to grab your hand and make you stroke me instead of just tease.” Tsuzuki paused and looked into lusty green eyes, speaking earnestly. “If you really want this, if you really want me, then I need you to show me what’s okay. I’m sorry, I feel like I’m failing you somehow, like I should already know these things, but I don’t want to make a mistake.”

 

Hisoka smiled gently and reached out to push down Tsuzuki’s slacks, underwear, and socks, before removing his own. When he stood up and both men faced each other, naked under the moon and street light that penetrated the window shades, Hisoka reached forward and gently cupped Tsuzuki’s cheek. “I never asked you to be a mind reader, Tsuzuki, or to be perfect. It’s okay if you’re nervous, if you have questions. Everyone is different. No one should ever expect you to know how to please everyone, that’s ridiculous. We’ll find out together what we like and what’s okay. I have more issues about this stuff than you do so I understand your hesitation.” Grabbing Tsuzuki’s face more firmly and with both hands this time, Hisoka made certain Tsuzuki’s eyes were focused only on him before he continued. “I trust you, though, Tsuzuki. I wouldn’t be able to do this with anyone else but you. I believe it will be okay because I know how we feel about each other.” Leaning back and tugging Tsuzuki along, Hisoka sat back down on the bed and scooted backward while still gripping Tsuzuki’s face. “Now, show me how much you love me.”

 

Tsuzuki braced his arms on the bed to keep his balance as Hisoka drew him inexorably forward. When both of them were fully stretched out on the bed, Tsuzuki lowered his face and kissed Hisoka’s lips. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered softly when the kiss ended.

 

Hisoka listened to the voice whispering in his ear. It sounded so different than the hissing whispers Muraki had spoken to him all those years ago and made Hisoka wonder why he ever would have feared that it would feel the same. This was Tsuzuki lying over him, their flesh pressed together. He didn’t feel stifled or frightened. There was no sense of being pressed into the mattress to prevent him from fleeing, the weight was more a comforting reminder of Tsuzuki’s ‘here’ ness. Wanting to feel even closer, Hisoka grabbed Tsuzuki’s hips firmly and pulled their bodies tighter together. The feeling of their erections trapped between them and pushing against each other was nearly painful in intensity, but each man rocked against the other, desiring more.

 

Tsuzuki’s desire to be able to touch Hisoka finally overruled his fear, and he rolled them over onto their sides. Stroking his free hand up and down Hisoka’s back, Tsuzuki pushed the arm underneath them up under Hisoka’s head and ran his fingers through the soft, wheat colored hair.

 

Hisoka moaned his appreciation at the feeling of Tsuzuki’s nails running lightly over his neck, back, and buttocks. Clenching his ass cheeks tightly at the teasing stimulation, Hisoka thrust forward each time and then back again seeking more feeling when the errant hand would retreat. As his frustration grew, so too did his arousal until Hisoka could no longer hold back. Reaching back, Hisoka grabbed for Tsuzuki’s hand and placed it on his cock, showing his partner blatantly what it was that he wanted.

 

Tsuzuki leaned back slightly when Hisoka grabbed his hand and thrust it between them. Hisoka took his hand and directed it, palm outward, over his cock and pressed it in place so that Tsuzuki could feel the satiny skin stretched tightly over the firm, hot flesh. When Hisoka finally removed his hand, Tsuzuki leaned back out of the light and took a moment to visually explore the body in front of him. Hisoka’s body, preserved as it was forever at the age he was when he died, was physically smaller than Tsuzuki, but very much an anatomical adult. The cock that pulsed eagerly under his hand was waiting and longing for his touch and Tsuzuki nearly wept with the knowledge that he was loved, desired, and trusted so much. Not wishing to tease his partner, Tsuzuki took a firm grip on the erection entrusted to him and began to slowly stroke Hisoka off.

 

When Tsuzuki finally gripped Hisoka’s cock with purpose and took the first stroke, Hisoka threw his head back and thrust his hips forward, adding to the movement. The feeling of euphoria, now rapidly building, was more intense than any he’d ever felt before his death or since. As Tsuzuki’s hand moved ever faster, Hisoka reached for Tsuzuki’s shoulders and gripped them tightly. Panting now, breathless from the exertion and excitement, Hisoka looked into Tsuzuki’s eyes. “Gods, yes,” he panted out before closing his lips over his partner’s and spilling himself over Tsuzuki’s hand.

 

Tsuzuki watched and listened as Hisoka’s climax broke. The feeling of hot semen flowing over his hand and Hisoka’s nails digging into his shoulders made him feel proud that he’d made his partner feel so good. He held quite still as Hisoka panted and recovered his breath and then Tsuzuki began to slowly withdraw his hand, carefully, from over sensitized flesh. When he started to sit up, intending to get a tissue from the nightstand to wipe them both off a bit, Hisoka stopped him.

 

“Please don’t go,” Hisoka begged breathlessly. Grabbing at Tsuzuki’s hand, he wound their fingers together, smearing the mess even more and now over both of them.

 

Tsuzuki relaxed back onto the bed. He didn’t understand Hisoka’s reaction, but neither was such a little mess worth making a fuss over. “S’okay, I’m not going anywhere.” Stretching out next to Hisoka, he kissed his new lover gently and then nipped at his lips.

 

Assured that Tsuzuki wasn’t leaving, Hisoka relaxed and kissed the lips nipping at his own. Now that he’d recovered enough to feel his fingers and toes again, Hisoka felt the cooling mess gluing his fingers together and realized that Tsuzuki was lying next to him, eyes closed, content, but still hard. Determined to return the pleasure, Hisoka reached out and closed his hand over Tsuzuki’s cock and as the tacky, wet semen, chilled by the air of the room touched hot flesh, Tsuzuki flinched in surprise. “Sorry,” Hisoka whispered in apology as he worked attentively to stroke Tsuzuki’s long cock back to its full hardness.

 

Tsuzuki gasped in shock when the cold fingers grabbed at him. His passion had waned to a comfortable arousal and he’d been in no hurry to rush to completion, content as he was holding Hisoka and petting him. “You don’t have to do this, you know. I’m fine.” Even as he spoke the words, Tsuzuki felt the fire of passion building inside him once again and his rocking hips betrayed his generous words.

 

“You have no idea just how much I want to do this,” Hisoka answered in a voice as sultry as it was certain. “Look at me, Tsuzuki; watch my eyes. I want to see you when you come.”

 

Tsuzuki obediently looked at Hisoka and fell silent in awe at what he saw. This wasn’t the Hisoka who had arrived in Meifu years ago as an angry child seeking vengeance and hating and mistrusting those around him. This was a man who had reclaimed his life and his right to love, who was learning how to receive the gift of friendship and who was just as eager to give back to those in need. This was a man who trusted him, loved him, would have died all over again with him, and who desperately wanted to make him happy. This wasn’t the Hisoka of the past; this was the Hisoka Kurosaki that was always meant to be. The boy had become a man and Tsuzuki felt blessed to have him in his life. The surging feelings in his heart grew as powerful as the ones rising up from Tsuzuki’s groin and, eyes fixed firmly the loving green eyes smiling back at him, Tsuzuki arched his body into one powerful last stroke with his hips and erupted with his own climax.

 

Hisoka burrowed his head into Tsuzuki’s neck and listened to his partner’s rapid heart beat and panting breath as he came down from his sexual high. Hisoka smiled and indulged in a small chuckle at the thought that he’d been able to please a lover, something Muraki had implied he’d never be able to do unless he was directed in every particular. Hisoka was no doll, and he’d just proved it. If living well was the best revenge, Muraki must be gnashing his teeth somewhere in whatever hole he’d hidden himself in. Hisoka was happy.

 

No longer distracted by overwhelming passions, the cool air of the bedroom eventually intruded after a few minutes more spent lingering over the afterglow and then the pair retreated to the shower to wash away the stickiness of sex and dessert and the cares of the day. When they returned to the bedroom, they declined to dress, comfortable enough with each other now to simply climb between the sheets and wrap themselves around one another. Content in the relationship they were forging with each other, it was enough to hold and be held for the rest of the night. There was no impatient rush to repeat their passionate coupling when they knew that they had time.

 

“So,” Hisoka said, breaking the stillness of the room. “Would you like to go house hunting tomorrow?”

 

Tsuzuki didn’t bother to give voice to an answer. His heart had leapt into his throat and he wasn’t certain he could form words anyway. Giving Hisoka a squeeze, he merely nodded his head. _‘Hisoka will understand,’_ he thought… and Hisoka did.

 


	12. Coffee Break

**Chapter Twelve:**

 

 

Tatsumi Seiichiro walked into his office, sat down at the computer and turned it on to get ready for yet another day in the office. It was still very early and the office was empty except for him. Usually, it was his favorite time of day. He accomplished a great deal of paperwork before the squabbling idiots that were his staff arrived to complicate his life. Today, however, he was not enjoying his usual, peaceful morning routine. Today, Tatsumi was cranky.

 

Last night had been the second night in a row that Watari had stayed in his lab, working on some super secret project of his. Tatsumi had finally entered into the tempestuous relationship with his irrepressible chief scientist after many years of tension filled flirtation and hesitation. Tatsumi never did things by halves though and having made the leap, he now had trouble sleeping without his beautiful blond by his side. Two nights alone was two nights too many.

 

Tatsumi leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling while his ancient computer booted. The view reminded him of his encounter in the office with Watari two days earlier, the last time he’d seen his partner for more than a minute in a day and a half.

 

They’d just returned from Earth after cleaning up yet another of Tsuzuki’s messes when Tatsumi remembered the apple pie he’d confiscated earlier and hidden in his small office pantry. Tatsumi was far too busy, and too cheap, to go out for lunch and kept a small cabinet set aside as his larder where he stocked items he brought from home. He’d placed the apple pie inside, but pulled it out when he thought of all the trouble and paperwork Tsuzuki’s mission would cost them.

 

As he strode into the bullpen with paperwork of his own to file, Watari caught sight of Tatsumi through the open door and watched Tatsumi take a bite of that pie, just one bite, before he got THAT look, the look that always told their co-workers to take cover because something dangerous was about to happen. In this instance, Watari had moved into the private office, closed the door, took the plate away from Tatsumi, pushed him back to sit on his office chair and dropped to the floor in front of him. Kneeling between Tatsumi’s legs, Watari pulled open the belt and top button, unzipped Tatsumi’s fly and then pushed his underwear aside to expose him.

 

Tatsumi had imagined that he was about to get another of Watari’s incredible blow jobs, and he wasn’t wrong, he just didn’t expect the unusual scent and slippery sensation of apple pie filling that eventually accompanied Yutaka’s hand and mouth. Tatsumi enjoyed his desserts as much as the next man, unless the next man was Tsuzuki, but he would never look at apple pie in quite the same way again.

 

After that wonderful interlude, he’d received an email from Watari saying not to wait up for him and other than a handful of messages and one brief office visit to deliver some additional paperwork and a stolen kiss or two, he’d neither seen nor heard anything more from his partner. When Watari didn’t return home again last night, Tatsumi had decided enough was enough.

 

Opening his email program, Tatsumi had decided to send an email telling Watari to come see him when he noticed a message from his lover already sitting in his in box. Clicking the link to open the message, he read a request from Watari asking Tatsumi to, ‘please come visit me in the lab at your earliest convenience.’ At any other time, the fact that Watari had used the word please would have set off the warning bells in his head. At that moment, however, Tatsumi was too focused on getting answers and getting his own way to notice that something was just a shade off.

 

Storming off down the hallway and flinging aside the lab door, Tatsumi came face to face with his blond bombshell, wet from a shower and wearing nothing but a towel.

 

“Oh,” Watari gasped in surprise at the sudden appearance of his lover. “That was fast. I only just finished up and sent you the message a few minutes ago. Did you call while I was in the shower? I thought I’d have time to clean up the lab, shower and change before you would find the time to come over.

 

Tatsumi reeled back and took a deep, cleansing breath. The sight of all that pale, wet flesh revealed in front of him after going without for two nights was doing things to him that he decided he shouldn’t be encouraging in the office. Trying to regain control, Tatsumi cleared his throat, pushed up his glasses, and replied brusquely, “I wasn’t aware that I was required to call when visiting my missing employees. I got your email and I’m here. What was it that you wanted?”

 

Watari adopted an expression of mock offense. “My, aren’t we the little cranky pants this morning? What’s wrong, Tatsumi? Did someone on the cleaning crew break your adding machine last night?”

 

That did it. Watari always knew how to push Tatsumi’s buttons and it took very little to tip him over the edge this morning. Stalking forward, Tatsumi backed Watari up until he had him pinned against one of the heavy laboratory benches and leaned forward, trapping him with his body. “What is wrong with me is that a certain blond has been hiding himself in his lab doing Enma only knows what instead of coming home with me at night to eat a proper dinner and sleep in a proper bed.”

 

“Aww, Tatsumi,” Watari leaned forward to give his lover a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose, “I do believe you care.” Watari’s grin reflected his inner satisfaction. He loved to see Tatsumi riled up enough to cut loose. Sometimes the Secretary for the Department of Mysteries needed to express all that pent up passion and Watari was more than happy to help. The fact that it usually led to mind blowing sex didn’t exactly hurt his enthusiasm for the effort either.

 

Tatsumi growled at the ridiculous gesture, but decided to ignore it otherwise. “Of course I care and you still haven’t told me where you’ve been or what you’ve been up to. It doesn’t look as though you’ve blown anything up this time,” he paused and looked up and down the body he was leaning against, “and you appear to be,” Tatsumi swallowed with effort, “uninjured.”

 

Watari leaned forward and put both of his arms around Tatsumi’s neck and his face just an inch away from his partner’s. “Mmmm, I like the way you look, too, Tatsumi, and what I’ve been doing is making a present for you. Would you like to open it now or later?”

 

Tatsumi moved away a few inches and looked at his partner’s face in confusion. Slowly, his eyes moved south until they rested on the front of Watari’s towel. “You didn’t do anything… odd to yourself, did you?”

 

“What are you talking… oh that. No, no, I don’t work on the sex changing potion anymore except in my spare time. This was a special project, something much easier than changing the body. Oh come on,” Watari paused to give Tatsumi a quick kiss on the lips and then pushed away from the lab bench, “let me just show you.”

 

Across the room was a bench full of test tubes and glassware that had yet to be cleaned. Watari approached this bench and reached for a rack of test tubes that held a grey, gelatinous liquid. “Tada!” he shouted as he grabbed a tube and displayed it in front of him with pride.

 

Tatsumi stayed where he was, folded his arms, and looked unimpressed. Watari had invented sludge. Part of his brain set off on finding the forms for reporting a hazardous chemical spill before he realized that Watari was hoping for a better response. “It’s… ah… interesting. What is it exactly?” He hated asking the question and was fairly certain that he didn’t really want to know, but it was expected of him to ask.

 

Mood undaunted by Tatsumi’s lack of enthusiasm, Watari bounced over to Tatsumi and unstoppered the bottle directly under his nose. “Take a whiff,” he directed.

 

Hesitantly, Tatsumi braced himself for pain and took a small sniff. With a look of surprise, he remarked, “It smells like apple pie.”

 

Watari’s grin turned up a few more notches and he dipped his index finger into the thin tube to extract a tiny amount of the fluid. “Taste it. It even tastes like apple pie. That’s why it looks so bad. I just couldn’t get the chemicals to mix properly to result in a clear gel without losing either the taste or the smell and that just wouldn’t do.”

 

Cautiously, Tatsumi touched the tip of his tongue to the end of Watari’s index finger and tasted the oddly colored liquid. It did indeed taste like apple pie, very good apple pie, in fact. “Very interesting and impressive too, I’m sure, Watari, but what practical purpose does it serve to make a thing like this?”

 

Unable to hold it in any longer, Watari laughed out loud and reached for Tatsumi’s hand. Holding it parallel to the ground, Watari poured out a teaspoon of the thick gel over Tatsumi’s fingers. “Rub your fingers together,” he instructed with a giggle.

 

Tatsumi complied and his face immediately snapped up to lock eyes with his partner. “Is this…?”

 

“It most certainly is,” Watari answered his lover. “It’s lube.”

 

Tatsumi looked back at his fingers with a combination of fascination and horror. When rubbing the solution between his fingers continued to provide only its frictionless property with no unwelcome Watari like side effects such as color changing skin, warts, or searing pain, he grabbed Watari, tore off the still damp towel and poured a generous tablespoon over the scientist’s groin. With his sticky hand, Tatsumi gave four quick strokes to Watari’s rapidly expanding cock to spread the fascinating substance all around; then reached around his lover with his other hand to set the tube back into its rack.

 

“Sit on the bench,” Tatsumi growled and Watari immediately popped his ass up onto the cold laboratory bench in compliance. With Watari’s lap now at a more comfortable angle, Tatsumi bent over the short distance and swallowed the lube covered cock eagerly jutting into his face.

 

Watari closed his eyes, braced his arms on the bench just behind him, and threw his head back with a moan. _‘This is what I gave up two nights with Tatsumi to get and, oh, Enma, is that good.’_ Tossing his head side to side, Watari felt the tickle of his own hair dancing back and forth across the top of the twin globes of his ass and it added to the incredible sensations that Seiichiro was creating with his wickedly talented tongue.

 

Tatsumi devoured the dick in his mouth. The taste of the apple pie lube was nice, he admitted to himself, but mostly he just desperately missed being able to touch and taste his lover. With a lube this good and with Yutaka finally at his fingertips, there was no way he was waiting until tonight to get his fill of his energetic lover even if it was during business hours. They would test out the new creation thoroughly before he went back to his office.

 

Watari felt the first stirrings of his orgasm at the same time that Tsuzuki’s voice sounded in the hallway. _‘Oh, no,’_ Watari thought to himself. _‘Tsuzuki, please, by Enma’s mercy, not now. Go away and come back later. If Seii hears you…’_ Watari tensed and held his breath, waiting to see if the voice would come closer to them or if Tatsumi might quit and flee. Mercifully neither came to pass and Watari felt the stirrings begin once again. Seiichiro had an amazing mouth and Watari often wondered, sometimes with a touch of irritation, if there was anything their precious shadow master couldn’t do well.

 

Tatsumi listened to Watari’s stifled cry of completion and eagerly sucked down the taste of his lover along with the flavored lube. Standing up, he readjusted his glasses and looked at his panting lover with a smug look on his officious face. He allowed Watari a full thirty seconds to compose himself before flipping his lover over across the lab bench and reaching for the still open tube in the rack. One handed, Tatsumi opened his pants and freed his raging erection before pouring lube down over the crack of Watari’s ass.

 

With one hand stroking himself slowly, Tatsumi plunged one slippery finger deep in Watari’s ass, spreading the lube inside to coat the way thoroughly. Quickly, he progressed to two and then three fingers, by which time Watari was tossing his face this way and that over the cool stone surface of the lab table and pleading with Tatsumi to thrust his cock inside.

 

“Enma’s mercy, Seii, just fuck me already.” Watari had just had a wonderful orgasm, but having Tatsumi’s fingers dancing over his prostate brought back his arousal powerfully. Having his lover touch him so deeply inside, made Watari ache to be stretched and filled again. Just two days without Tatsumi were torture even for a good cause. Watari made a mental note to take more Seii breaks the next time he had a project going.

 

Tatsumi grinned at the sound of Watari’s voice begging to be filled and using both hands to hold apart the cheeks of Yutaka’s ass, he plunged inside pinning him hard against the table. Once fully seated, Tatsumi collapsed over the blond’s back and savored the feeling of Watari’s body gripping him tightly. Tatsumi braced his hands on the bench on either side of his lover’s back and paused to kiss and nip at one perfect shoulder. Slowly, he pulled back until he was almost completely outside of Watari’s body and held very still.

 

Beneath him, Watari whimpered feeling the cruel loss of that precious fullness that signaled his connection to his partner. “Seii, please,” he finally begged again.

 

Leaning over, Tatsumi whispered an admonishment in Watari’s ear, “If you want it so badly, quit hiding from me in the future.” Tatsumi interrupted his speech to thrust completely inside and listened with satisfaction to the rush of air coming out of Watari’s lungs. “If you love this so much, don’t abandon our bed again.”

 

Bent over the table and ass high in the air, Watari murmured muffled promises in sorrowful agreement as Tatsumi set up a steady pattern of thrusts and withdrawals working them both toward ecstasy. The bench was warm under Watari’s belly where he’d been sitting, but was blissfully cool under his face now when he needed the relief the most. Sweating with effort and exertion, both men began to pant and grunt, striving their way to mutual bliss.

 

Tatsumi reached under Watari and took holding of his lover’s throbbing cock. Tatsumi was close, but he wanted to hear Watari scream, feel the clench of spasming muscle around his cock before he took his own release. Stroking with a firm hand, it only took ten more thrusts before he heard Yutaka’s voice crying out his name against the unforgiving stone surface of the bench. Tatsumi reveled in the feeling of the vice-like grip that milked at his aching cock and teased him over the edge. With one last powerful thrust, Tatsumi leaned over Watari’s back, whispered, “Yutaka,” and fell into blind sensation.

 

Watari smiled as he lay crushed under Tatsumi’s comforting weight and listened to the panting breaths escaping Seii’s heaving chest. It felt so good each time he was with Seii. It had taken some time for the two of them to come together and it wasn’t until Tsuzuki’s relationship with Hisoka had developed that Watari felt as though he even had a chance. Seii had been worth waiting all these years for, though, and his lover was right. He missed their bed too. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the closeness for as long as it would last. It would be a long day ahead before they could go home together once again.

 

***

 

Tsuzuki woke up feeling boneless and happy, stretched out over the surface of his bed and with the sun’s rays warming the skin on his chest. Slowly blinking his eyes to adjust to the brightness, Tsuzuki craned his head looking next to him for Hisoka, but the bed was empty. With a dejected plop, Tsuzuki let his head fall back down onto the pillow. Just as his mind was about to concoct scenarios wherein Hisoka had changed his mind and decided to leave, the odor of coffee floated in through the open doorway of the bedroom. Seconds later, the man himself appeared bearing a tray that held two steaming mugs and a plate covered in last night’s biscotti.

 

“It’s not exactly breakfast, but I thought you’d appreciate a snack. At least, I thought a few calories would help me to get you up and out of the bed. You slept like a log last night. I swear, I don’t think you ever moved once you fell asleep.” Hisoka sat down on the bed while he spoke, handed one mug to Tsuzuki and balanced the plate on the bed between them.

 

Tsuzuki held his coffee with both hands, but ignored the food in favor of looking at his lover. Hisoka looked delightfully rumpled wearing his jeans but no socks or shirt and with his hair still mussed from going to bed with it slightly damp. He’d never seen anything that looked quite so beautiful to him as Hisoka did at that moment. Leaning forward, Tsuzuki stole a brief kiss before leaning back against the headboard and smiling. It was true that he slept well. Generally his dreams were plagued with visions of his past or fears for his future, but on the two occasions he’d shared a bed with Hisoka, those nightmares had passed him by. “Probably not,” Tsuzuki replied finally, “I slept very well. How about you?” he asked, suddenly concerned at Hisoka’s early morning foray into the kitchen. “You couldn’t sleep?”

 

“Oh, no, I slept just fine. I like to get up early when I can get enough sleep and I have lots of plans for today.” Hisoka paused to take a sip of his coffee. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to stop by the office for a quick change of clothes and then we can check in with Watari about Byakko.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded at the comment about the clothes. Many of the agents kept spare clothing at the office in case things got messy on a case. It saved them having to constantly run home. The comment about Watari left the shinigami baffled, however and he wrinkled his brow in confusion. “I don’t understand. Why would you want to tell Watari about Byakko?”

 

“Not tell him about Byakko as much as just see if there was something he could do to help. Don’t you remember when I was asking you about this allergy thing? Well, I just thought maybe Watari could come up with something that Byakko could take so that he wouldn’t need to worry about it anymore. It obviously upset a lot of people and if it’s something that can be fixed…” Hisoka let the statement hang in the air, but Tsuzuki caught the drift.

 

“Then Byakko wouldn’t need to be so fearful of something like this ever happening again and could get on with his life,” Tsuzuki finished the thought. He paused to set his coffee on the nightstand and hugged his partner enthusiastically. “I remember now. Thank you, Hisoka. It was really nice of you to think of that and I’m sure the guys will appreciate it.”

 

Hisoka wriggled within the heartfelt embrace as much from embarrassment as from the coffee splashing over the rim of his cup. “Quit it, Tsuzuki, you’re getting my coffee everywhere.”

 

Tsuzuki let go and sheepishly looked down at the damage. Spots of coffee were visible on the blanket and on Hisoka’s jeans. “That’s okay,” he said cheerily. “The stains on the blanket will just wash out and you were going to change anyway, right?” Retrieving his cup, Tsuzuki snagged up one of the biscotti and dunked it into his coffee.

 

Hisoka sighed and reached for one of the hard cookies. _‘Life with Tsuzuki isn’t going to be easy, but it will be interesting…and fun,’_ he admitted silently to himself.

 

The pair quickly polished off the remaining biscotti and dressed. Fifteen minutes later, they were walking down the corridors of the Department of Mysteries.

 

As they reached the junction of the hallway that led to the laboratory, Tsuzuki paused and sniffed the air. “Do you smell that, Hisoka?”

 

Hisoka stopped in the hall and inhaled through his nose. “No, I don’t smell anything. What is it, a chemical smell from the lab?”

 

Tsuzuki sniffed again taking six steps in the direction of Watari’s sanctum. “It’s not a chemical smell, but it does seem to be coming from Watari’s place. It smells like,” he paused to sniff again and shook his head in disbelief. “It smells like apple pie.” Tsuzuki took two more steps down the hall. “Watari’s got apple pie in there and I bet he wasn’t planning on sharing the little sneak. He’s probably saving it all for his boyfriend.”

 

Hisoka opened his mouth to berate his partner when a wave of emotions hit him like a tsunami. He knew who it was, what they were doing, and where it was coming from. Hisoka shook off the effects of the empathic connection and watched his partner stalk down the hall. “Tsuzuki!” he whispered loudly. “Get back here!”

 

Tsuzuki looked back and forth between the door to the lab and Hisoka’s insistent face. He tried a pleading face, but Hisoka looked resolute. Walking back to where Hisoka stood waiting, he opened his mouth, but Hisoka spoke.

 

“I’d like to get changed, if you don’t mind, since a certain someone decided to give me a coffee bath. Once you summon Byakko and Touda, we’ll be back here in fifteen or twenty minutes. If they had pie in there and if it’s gone, I’ll take you out somewhere and you can have pie for breakfast. Personally, I think I’d prefer to go somewhere a bit more conventional and have a proper meal. Someone tired me out last night and if we’re going house shopping today I’ll need my strength.”

 

Hisoka’s speech had the effect that he’d hoped and Tsuzuki looked perfectly distracted by the combination of guilt, quantities of food, and the prospect of having Hisoka by his side daily. Nearly bouncing, Tsuzuki led the way down the corridor to their office to wait for Hisoka to retrieve his bag and change.

 

In the bathroom, Hisoka stalled for as long as possible. It was risky taking Tsuzuki back down that hallway right now. Using wanting to soak the coffee out of his jeans as an excuse, Hisoka bought himself an extra five minutes. _‘Watari,_ ’ Hisoka growled silently, _‘you are going to owe me big time for this and I intend to collect._ ’ Twenty minutes later, the pair emerged from the bullpen to see Tatsumi striding down the hallway towards them.

 

Tatsumi nodded at the pair, intending to simply pass by on the way back to his office but was stopped when Tsuzuki grabbed his arm. Dumbfounded he watched as Tsuzuki sniffed at his carefully knotted tie.

 

Tsuzuki looked up at Tatsumi with an accusing glare and held up the end of Tatsumi’s tie so that he could see it. “I knew it! I just knew it!”

 

Tatsumi blinked and looked at the bottom of his tie which was now being thrust in his face. At the very bottom of the tie, a small stain nearly the size of a quarter glistened brightly and emitted the odor of cinnamon and apples. Tatsumi paled. He’d gotten the lube on his best silk tie. Looking back at Tsuzuki, Tatsumi saw the shinigami turning red with anger. Turning to Hisoka for assistance, Tatsumi watched Tsuzuki’s partner give him a knowing glance and an unsympathetic shrug as if to say, ‘you made your bed…’

 

Tsuzuki shook Tatsumi by the front of his carefully tailored suit and rose on his toes to look his superior straight in the eyes. “Damn it, Tatsumi! I knew you two had apple pie in that lab. You’d better have saved a piece for me, Tatsumi. You owe me after stealing my last one.”

 


	13. That's What Friends Are For

**Chapter Thirteen:**

 

 

Eventually, Hisoka managed to drag an annoyed Tsuzuki down the hallway and out of the building. “I’ll make sure that they get you some apple pie later, Tsuzuki, but for now you’ve got to calm down. We need Watari’s help for Byakko’s sake and you don’t want to go charging in there like a bull when we’re asking for a favor, right?”

 

Tsuzuki took a deep breath and calmed himself down. It was just too much. First Tatsumi stole his pie, then he sent them on the mission where all of this had happened, and now, when they go looking for help sorting the mess out, Tatsumi’s eating the pie all over again. It was like rubbing salt in an open wound, except it was cinnamon instead of salt. Tsuzuki tilted his head to the side at his own strange train of thought and then shook it away. “You’re right, of course, Hisoka. Should I call them now?”

 

Hisoka nodded. “I’ll go ahead and make sure Watari can set aside some time for us while you explain the idea to Byakko and see how he feels. He might not be interested in investigating a treatment if he isn’t comfortable with the idea of having to share his past with a stranger. If he and Touda agree, you can just meet up with me back at the laboratory when you’re ready and we’ll go from there.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded at the suggestion and watched as Hisoka walked away. _‘Things have changed so much for me since he came here,’_ Tsuzuki thought with a wistful smile on his face. _‘I’m a lucky man.’_ Turning his focus back to his current assignment, Tsuzuki closed his eyes and reached through the link for Touda.

 

~Good morning, Tsuzuki,~ Touda answered when the link was established. ~I’m very glad to hear from you this morning. Byakko and I were wondering if it would be alright to come and visit with you today.~

 

Tsuzuki laughed at the happy coincidence and his mirth passed over the link. ~I was just about to summon the pair of you, if you aren’t too busy, that is. Hisoka had an idea that maybe our scientist, Watari, might be able to help Byakko with his catnip problem. Do you think he’d be interested?~

 

Touda considered the idea for a moment. ~I think he might,~ Touda opined, ~but perhaps you and Hisoka should explain it to him. How soon would we be able to come? We were rather hoping to spend some time with you and Hisoka today if you are free. Byakko even has a picnic lunch planned.~

 

~That sounds nice. Hisoka and I were planning to take part of the day off anyway to go looking for… Well, um, that is… I mean, we’re free. Can you come now? If you’re ready, I can take you over to the offices and get Byakko started with Watari and then afterward we could visit and eat while he works.~

 

Touda’s curiosity was aroused. Tsuzuki was hiding something, and what was more, there was a certain amount of embarrassment leaking through the link associated with the idea. The fire shiki smiled. He would worm whatever it was out of his friend this afternoon while they were alone. ~We’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Will you send a summons so that we can find you?~

 

After conveying his agreement with Touda’s request, Tsuzuki broke off the connection, sat himself under one of the sprawling Sakura trees and then checked his watch. Between the petals floating gently down over his dark coat and the sight of his watch, he was reminded of Kazutaka Muraki.

 

It was strange to think of his old nemesis when he felt so happy and content. Generally thoughts of Muraki arrived amid murder and mayhem. The doctor and his obsessed fantasies had cost Hisoka his life and nearly finished off both Hisoka and Tsuzuki when Tsuzuki was pushed to his breaking point and summoned Touda. It seemed both an eternity since Kyoto and yet also as though it had just been yesterday.

 

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath of the artificial spring air, Tsuzuki reflected on the changes in his life since Hisoka’s arrival. Their relationship had had a tempestuous beginning. Hisoka had arrived angry and distrusting of everyone, but especially Tsuzuki. It had felt so important at the time to win the boy’s approval. Tsuzuki liked to be liked, but it had been more than that. He had wanted to forge a partnership at the office that would last, that would help him get through the endless days of being an Angel of Death, and yet it was more than that too.

 

When Hisoka, amid the flames and smoke and falling timbers, had crawled into his lap in Kyoto and declared that he would follow Tsuzuki into oblivion, Tsuzuki had felt as though his dead heart had finally begun to beat again with a new kind of life. He was in the hospital for a long time afterward, still trying to sort out all of his feelings, but even then, even in the midst of all that fog and confusion, he knew that he had feelings for Hisoka. He knew somewhere, deep inside, that he loved Hisoka.

 

Now that they had talked and each knew for certain how the other felt, they would move on with their lives together. Even if Muraki decided to pop up again after all this time, it really wouldn’t matter. Tsuzuki and Hisoka had each other and they were stronger together than they were apart. Their feelings for each other were something even Muraki could no longer touch.

 

Tsuzuki was learning from his mistakes. He had friends and co-workers who cared about him. He had a lover who watched over him. He didn’t have the nicest job, it still bothered him to retrieve souls, but he had people that helped him keep life in perspective now. He had people that cared enough to help him grow and Tsuzuki admitted to himself that he had indeed changed for the better. Sohryu had said to him that he should let himself live and Tsuzuki intended to take his friend’s advice. Even if it was just for today, he would live and he would love and he would be happy.

 

Tsuzuki glanced down at his watch and was amazed to see how quickly the fifteen minutes had passed. Standing up, he brushed away some of the loose grass and petals and prepared to summon his friends. Speaking the words that opened the barriers between their worlds, Byakko and Touda appeared and walked toward him.

 

In the time that it took for Byakko and Touda to cross the field, Tsuzuki looked at his shikigami. His first shiki and his last walking hand in hand and so obviously in love with one another. It was another relationship that no one in their world had believed would work, yet it had weathered storm after storm, trial after trial, some quite literally. Byakko and Touda had been through a lot, together and separately, and they were still a couple, still determined to let nothing stand in the way of their happiness.

 

Tsuzuki admired his friends and hugged Byakko back fiercely when he was glomped by the tiger. When Byakko moved away, Tsuzuki embraced Touda and felt the serpent return the hug awkwardly.

 

“It’s good to see you guys,” Tsuzuki said as he stepped back.

 

“You saw us yesterday, Tsuzuki. It’s not as though it’s been years,” Touda answered, uncomfortable with the display of affection from his master.

 

“But we didn’t get to see that much of him,” Byakko said with a pout before amending, “Well, I suppose you spent all afternoon with him, but I didn’t get to see him for more than a few minutes.”

 

Tsuzuki shook his head. “I know I just saw you, but I meant that it’s nice to see you like this, you know, happy again. You two look a lot better than you did yesterday and it makes me happy to see that you’re alright.”

 

Taking his friends by the arms, Tsuzuki walked between them and urged them toward the ministry offices. “So I have a proposition for you,” he began and proceeded to tell them about Hisoka’s plan as they walked.

 

***

 

Hisoka rapped his knuckles lightly on the sliding door to the lab before pushing it aside and peering in to look for Watari. Across the room, Watari sat at his computer, 003 perched on his shoulder grooming his hair, and worked on entering some data from a thick sheaf of hand written notes.

 

Hearing the soft noise, Watari turned his head and greeted his visitor. “Hey, kid, how are you doing today?”   With a wave of his hand, he motioned for Hisoka to come in the room while he saved his data, marked his place, and set his work aside. “Is this a social call or can I do something for you?”

 

Hisoka poked around the room after closing the door behind him. Walking to one of the lab benches, he noted a rack of six test tubes one of which was open and emitting the faint scent of apples and cinnamon. Tentatively, he reached out with one hand and touched the tall table on which it sat. Instantly, the echo of passionate lust that lingered for the empath to find swept over Hisoka and he withdrew his hand as if it had been burned.

 

Watari noticed Hisoka’s strange reaction and, thinking he’d burned himself on some acid or stray bit of something present on the work surface, rushed over. “Hisoka, are you alright?” he asked with concern.

 

Hisoka took a deep breath and turned to face the scientist. “I have a favor to ask you now that you’re free.”

 

“Now that I’m…” Watari’s voice drifted off and his brow furrowed in confusion. Suddenly realizing where he was standing, he guessed Tsuzuki’s timely departure this morning might not have just been a happy coincidence. “Oh, um, yeah, thanks for that. It was you two in the hall and you got him away, right?”

 

Hisoka tried to smile in response, but remembering Tatsumi’s face, could only grimace. “Tatsumi seemed very distressed when Tsuzuki accused him of eating apple pie in the lab and not sharing any with the rest of us.”

 

Watari groaned. “Oh hell, I can only imagine the look on Seii’s face.” Turning pale white, Watari turned in Hisoka’s direction, eyes wide in fright. “You didn’t happen to mention that you knew what was going on, did you?” Watari had visions of a ‘no sex in the lab’ rule being levied and enforced in the future and that would be very bad indeed.

 

Hisoka wandered to the other side of the bench and examined the open test tube more carefully, from a safe distance of course. “I didn’t say I knew in so many words, but I think he may have gotten the idea when Tsuzuki started sniffing at the apple pie scented spots on his tie and I didn’t look too surprised.”

 

Watari staggered to the nearest chair and slumped down in it. “That’s it. He’s gonna be so pissed off.” Putting his head down on the table, the depressed scientist wept aloud while 003 sat on his head and tried to comfort him with her little cooing sounds.

 

Across the room, Hisoka’s natural curiosity finally overcame the embarrassment and he was forced to ask, “What exactly is this stuff that’s got you in so much trouble?”

 

Watari sat up carefully and transferred 003 to the top of his computer screen. With the cat out of the bag, there was no reason not to tell his friend. “It’s lube,” he answered simply.

 

“Are you serious?” Hisoka stared at the grey goop filling the small rack of test tubes, eyes wide. “And, it smells like apple pie?” he continued after a moment.

 

Watari’s mood lifted at the sound of curious appreciation in Hisoka’s voice and he crossed the room. “It doesn’t just smell like apple pie, Hisoka, it tastes like it as well.” Watari was proud of his little invention. It had certainly made his morning memorable even if that particular bit of fun wasn’t likely to be repeated any time soon.

 

“I don’t understand; why would you need it to taste like apple pie as well? Wouldn’t it be simpler to just make one that had the right smell and consistency?” Hisoka asked.

 

Watari gave Hisoka a look over the rim of his glasses and grinned wordlessly.

 

It was only a few seconds before Hisoka turned bright red with dawning comprehension. “Oh, I see,” he remarked.

 

Watari giggled softly and picked up the rack of test tubes. “I guess I may as well dump these. I don’t suppose it would be good to use them again now that there are embarrassing memories attached to them. Seii would get annoyed with me all over again each time I broke one out. Probably just best to hope he forgets quickly. I mean, if he changes his mind, I have the data saved, but having them sit around here is not a good idea.” He started to walk to the lab sink and poured out the partially used tube first before reaching for the next one in line.

 

“Wait!” Hisoka commanded as Watari unstoppered the next tube in the rack. He quickly crossed the room to join Watari at the sink. “Is it, well, is it safe? I mean did you guys actually use the stuff and know that it’s okay?”

 

Watari looked shocked. “Of course it’s okay. Do you think I’d let Tatsumi anywhere near something that wasn’t?” The scientist harrumphed. _‘Just because I’d use you guys as guinea pigs doesn’t mean I’d ever mess with Tatsumi. Even if he wasn’t my lover, that would just be foolish.’_ “Go ahead and test it yourself if you don’t believe me,” he insisted.

 

Cautiously, Hisoka took the newly opened tube from Watari’s outstretched hand and sniffed at it. Reaching inside, he touched the tip of his finger to the liquid and then quickly pulled away. Rubbing it between his fingers provoked no reaction other than a slippery coldness. “Um, Watari?” Hisoka started to ask. “I could take this off of your hands, if you’re sure you don’t need it.” Ideas rolled through Hisoka’s mind, ideas that involved the christening of a new home with Tsuzuki and needing at least two days of leave to accomplish. A quick count revealed that there were still five tubes left. Perfect.

 

Watari exchanged a look with Hisoka and broke into laughter. “Absolutely, kid, take the whole thing with my compliments.” _‘Bout time you two got around to catching each other instead of just chasing,’_ Watari thought. “Now what was this favor that you wanted to ask me for? I assume it wasn’t the test tubes since you didn’t seem to know what was in them when you got here.” Watari gestured to a small table and two chairs and the men made their way to it and sat down.

 

“I don’t understand all the details,” Hisoka began, “but Byakko seems to have some kind of reaction, a bad one, to catnip.” He broke off when Watari started to giggle and gave him a stern look.

 

“I’m sorry, kid,” Watari apologized between snickers, “but a cat shikigami and catnip. You’ve gotta admit, it’s funny.”

 

Hisoka’s scowl faded slightly. Watari didn’t know the whole story, how much damage the reaction had managed to cause for Byakko and Touda, but Hisoka could imagine that he might feel the same way if it had been harmless. Tsuzuki’s account of Byakko playing with the flowers had been incredibly cute. If that’s all that ever happened as a result, they might not even need to have this conversation.

 

Taking a deep breath, Hisoka tried to explain. “The problem is, Watari, it doesn’t stop at cute and fluffy. If something angers Byakko when he’s in that state, he becomes uncontrollable and lashes out. He’s hurt people before and this time he was with Touda. They’re both okay now, but I was really hoping you could do something to help. It sounds to me as though it would be a big burden off of Byakko’s shoulders if there was something that could help him to control this.”

 

Watari’s face became serious and he reached for a nearby lab book to start taking notes. “It sounds to me like it’s more of a sensitivity than an allergy. I’d need to do an interview with him and possibly others, really nail down his symptoms and reactions. It would help, too, if I could get a blood sample, and I’ll need some catnip as well for analysis.” The scientist’s expression lit up and he jotted notes and ideas in his book for investigation. He was on the trail of a new mystery and nothing made Watari happier than solving a puzzle of science.

 

A soft rapping on the door made both men look up and Tsuzuki entered the lab followed by his two shikigami. “Mind if we come in?” Tsuzuki asked cheerfully.

 

Watari launched himself out of his chair and across the room to usher in his new visitors. “Come in, come in,” he requested enthusiastically as he directed them to chairs. “Sit down, make yourselves comfortable. Hisoka here has been telling me just a little bit about this catnip reaction of yours. It sounds fascinating. If you don’t mind giving me some more information and letting me run some tests, I’m sure I could come up with something to help you.”

 

Byakko stared at the whirlwind blond whose energy seemed to match his own. He liked Watari and was impressed at the idea that something might be able to be done about his problem. He had trouble believing it could be as simple as all that, but the expression on Watari’s face was quite genuine. The man seemed quite certain he would succeed and Watari’s reputation was well known, even in the shikigami realm of GenSouKai. “Thank you,” Byakko exclaimed, rising from his seat and clasping Watari by the hands. “Thank you very much.”

 

With the happy scene playing out in front of them, no one noticed the approaching footfalls in the hallway until Tatsumi poked his head into the doorway and cleared his throat. “Excuse me. Would someone mind telling me exactly what is going on here?”

 

Tatsumi’s sudden appearance reminded Hisoka that he was still seated at the table holding his small rack of test tubes. Taking advantage of the sudden distraction, Hisoka whipped off his jacket and wrapped it carefully around his glass and steel bundle and edged towards the door. “I’ll be back in half an hour, Tsuzuki,” he called out and without looking back at anyone scooted out into the hallway and sped for the building exit. _‘I’ll just stash them in my apartment, grab a paper for our house search, and be back in twenty minutes with no one the wiser.’_

 

Tatsumi started to enter the lab when Hisoka flew his way. Sidestepping, he allowed Kurosaki to leave before continuing in. “Tsuzuki, your shikigami’s arrival has been noted on the scanners and set the alarms off. Since I heard no accompanying explosions I assumed it was something of this nature and covered for you, but in future, please remember to let me know beforehand. You have been told about this before.”

 

Tsuzuki did his best to look apologetic and shuffled his feet. “Sorry, Tatsumi, it was kind of a sudden idea Hisoka had this morning about getting Watari to help Byakko and I sort of forgot.” He batted large purple eyes in Tatsumi’s direction and hoped for forgiveness.

 

Tatsumi stared at his subordinate. Twenty minutes earlier, Tsuzuki had been railing at him over apple pie and now he was apologizing for bringing two powerful gods into Meifu. Life with Tsuzuki was never boring.

 

Touda walked over to Tatsumi and bowed his head slightly. “I offer my apologies for disrupting your security. I will endeavor to remind Tsuzuki the next time we plan a visit that he should inform you first.”

 

Tatsumi pushed up his glasses, looking rather disconcerted with the shikigami’s formal apology. The secretary was stiffly formal himself, but was unaccustomed to dealing with anyone else who held the same manners after so many decades with the current staff in the Department of Mysteries. “Thank you, Touda, I appreciate your consideration,” Tatsumi paused and looked at Tsuzuki’s back as the man wandered the room inspecting the lab like a curious child. “It isn’t your responsibility, but I would welcome your assistance in the matter. Welcome to Meifu, by the way.” Eyes still trained on Tsuzuki who was poking and sniffing as he walked around the lab, Tatsumi finally lost patience. “What are you doing, Tsuzuki?”

 

Tsuzuki looked back over at Tatsumi from his place next to a small coat tree Watari kept in the corner and dropped the lab coat sleeve he’d been holding. “I was trying to find the apple pie you guys have hidden in here.” Turning to Watari he added, “Your lab coat smells like cinnamon.”

 

Watari and Tatsumi exchanged glances. Tatsumi’s look told Watari clearly that he was going to handle this situation and Watari got the feeling it had better be good if he wanted to get lucky this evening. “It was a new ‘recipe’ that I’ve been working on for the past two days. I guess that was the lab coat I was wearing when the cinnamon incident happened. Anyway, I haven’t had time to wash it yet.”

 

Tsuzuki continued to stare at Watari. “But where is the pie?”

 

“The pie is… I sent my creation home with Hisoka,” Watari blurted out. It wasn’t exactly a lie, Hisoka had inherited the lube; he could inherit the problem to go along with it. “Tatsumi and I only shared one portion, you know, just to see if it was worth keeping since it was a new recipe and all. When Hisoka came and said that you wanted it, I gave him the other five portions that were left.” As Watari’s quick mind spun his imaginative story, he beamed a smile full of sincerity and happiness and hoped Tsuzuki would let the subject drop before Tatsumi had heart failure.

 

“Oh,” Tsuzuki remarked remembering Hisoka’s hasty departure. “Is that what he was up to sneaking out of here? He probably wanted to make it a surprise for me later. Isn’t he sweet?” Tsuzuki asked no one in particular.

 

Not realizing that Watari had been telling the truth about the final disposition of the lube, Tatsumi cleared his throat and tossed a grateful look Watari’s way for diverting Tsuzuki’s attention. “Well, if that’s all then, I’ll be returning to my office. Do feel free to stop by and do some work once in a while, won’t you, Tsuzuki?”

 

“Sure, Tatsumi,” Tsuzuki answered happily, not really hearing the sarcasm in the Secretary’s voice.

 

“Right, then,” Watari said rising from his chair and walking over to his computer desk. “Let’s get started.” Poking at the keys, Watari brought the computer back up, and started a new file for his investigation. “I’ll get some history first, observations from both Byakko and witnesses of what happens and the timeline for it, amounts of exposure, things like that. Then we’ll get some samples and run some chemical analyses.”

 

Fingers flying over the keys, Watari listened as first Byakko and then Touda and Tsuzuki recounted the events that they experienced and witnessed. At some point, Hisoka snuck back into the room, but he remained quietly in the back, observing the others and investigating his paper. When the reportable observations were all catalogued, Watari stood up from his chair and stretched. “Alright, just let me get a blood sample and then you guys can take off and enjoy the rest of your day.” Watari moved next door to the medical wing and returned with a syringe.

 

Byakko paled in his seat and Touda felt the hand holding his own squeeze very hard. Looking over at his lover, Touda saw Byakko trembling slightly. “What is it?” he asked in a low whisper.

 

Byakko leaned over and Touda was forced to strain to hear the soft reply. “I’m not really, um, fond of needles.”

 

Touda sat back up in his seat and stared at his partner. Byakko had fought battle after battle at Tsuzuki’s side and had come home battered and covered in blood, some of it his own, some of it his enemies’. Never would Touda have believed that his brave and powerful partner could be nervous over a small needle.   “Are you serious?”

 

Byakko looked on mournfully as Watari returned and pushed up the sleeve covering Byakko’s free arm.

 

“Look at me,” Touda said softly, but insistently.

 

Byakko turned in Touda’s direction and winced as the tourniquet pinched the skin above his elbow. There was the cold, scratchy sensation of the alcohol wipe over the skin and he shut his eyes tightly as he felt the first pricking sensation.

 

“Look at me,” Touda said again and squeezed Byakko’s hand.

 

Byakko opened his eyes and stared at his lover’s face. Touda wasn’t worried and he wasn’t teasing him over his reaction. Byakko read nothing but love on his partner’s face and it took his breath away. Touda was so good for him. He kept Byakko grounded when he needed it, offered his loyalty and companionship, but the gift of love the introverted serpent had offered him was the best of all. Byakko might be younger than the rest of his peers, but he was smart enough to know a good thing when he found it and he’d do anything for his Touda.

 

“All done,” a voice called from the side and Byakko realized that Watari had been telling him that he was finished, he was free to go.

 

Touda leaned forward and placed a small, chaste kiss on Byakko’s lips. “Ready for that picnic now?” he asked as he rose and helped pull an unsteady Byakko to his feet.

 

Byakko smiled and started to walk out with Touda, Hisoka and Tsuzuki before turning to look at Watari once again. “Thank you for everything you’re doing. Even if you can’t find anything to change the way things are, I do want you to know that. It means a lot to me that someone would agree to help.” Byakko stopped before his voice cracked and bowed low to the scientist before scurrying out of the lab.

 

Watari watched the foursome leave the lab and closed the door behind them. “Don’t worry,” he softly whispered a promise that no one could hear but 003. “I’ll find something that will help you, and not just for Tsuzuki’s sake.”

 

Turning back to face the vast lab that was his domain, Watari rubbed his hands together and looked over at 003. “All right then, let’s get to work.”

 

 


	14. The Dessert Fork in the Road

**Chapter Fourteen:**

 

 

At Touda’s request, the four took their picnic away from the hustle and bustle of Meifu’s central city and moved out into the lands between the ministry buildings and the distant palace which housed the Hall of Candles. They spread the large woolen blanket over the grass and settled in with the lunch Byakko’s cook had packed for them.

 

As Touda finished a bite of his sandwich, he looked over at Tsuzuki with an appraising eye and suddenly asked, “So what was it you two were planning on doing today before Byakko and I came over?”

 

Tsuzuki, who had been sipping from a cup of tea, spluttered and looked over at Hisoka, not certain how much his partner wanted him to reveal to his shikigami. “We, that is, Hisoka and I,” Tsuzuki paused and watched Hisoka nod his head. “We’re going house hunting, or apartment hunting, whatever. We’re looking for a place to move into… together.”

 

Byakko sat up quickly, eyes bright with joy. “Really? That’s terrific! Does that mean you two finally got around to having sex?” Byakko looked back and forth eagerly between Hisoka and Tsuzuki looking for answers.

 

Touda dropped his head and chuckled softly. He truly loved Byakko, but his partner often had the tact of a ten ton nuclear device.

 

Tsuzuki’s face froze completely and he sat staring at his first shikigami with his mouth open. No sound emerged and those looking at him weren’t even certain the shinigami was breathing.

 

Hisoka watched his partner and felt Tsuzuki’s panicked mind shut down. Looking at Byakko, Hisoka answered plainly, “Yes, we have.”

 

All eyes shifted to Hisoka then, including Tsuzuki’s which carried a note of confusion. “Hisoka?” he asked with a squeaky voice.

 

“It’s alright, Tsuzuki. I don’t care who knows, do you?” Hisoka was happy with the way things turned out and he really didn’t care whether people approved or not. Tsuzuki was his; they were moving in together, that’s all that mattered to him. “Besides, with your link to Touda, I’m surprised they didn’t know already.”

 

Touda sat up slightly, disturbed that he was being dragged into a personal discussion. “I wouldn’t pry, Hisoka. It’s true that I do pick up things from Tsuzuki when he’s extremely upset or stressed, but I don’t try to spy on him.”

 

Hisoka faced Touda. It was true that Hisoka had experienced some measure of jealousy over the years concerning Tsuzuki’s shikigami and about his close relationship with Touda in particular, but he’d gotten past that as he truly understand the dynamics of what their relationship was and wasn’t and what his own relationship with Tsuzuki would be. “I’m not accusing you of anything, Touda, honestly. I just know how crappy he is at shielding sometimes. With the way he was projecting last night, you must have needed mental earplugs to avoid ‘hearing’ anything.”

 

Tsuzuki’s mouth opened and closed like a fish and he turned back and forth looking at the other three individuals gathered on the picnic blanket, calmly discussing his sex life.

 

“Oh, I see,” Touda said nodding his head. “I was a bit distracted last night and still recovering. That must be why I missed it.” Pausing to take a sip of tea, he continued, “I am rather glad he finally got around to sharing with you how he feels. He’s been driving all of us crazy angsting over it when it’s clear that you two love each other.”

 

Byakko nodded enthusiastically with Touda’s assessment as Hisoka replied, “That’s what I told him. It’s time to just get on with things. So now,” Hisoka held up the paper with its bits of highlighted advertisements, “I’m trying to find something for us to move into. I thought a new place for a new start, you know?”

 

“What a great idea,” Byakko said enthusiastically and hopped over next to Hisoka. “Let me see what you’ve found, maybe Touda and I can help you pick someplace and get moved in.”

 

Byakko and Hisoka put their heads together and began to quietly compare the offerings listed in the paper. Tsuzuki watched them for a moment before turning back to face Touda. The fire serpent merely stared at him and smiled before raising his tea cup in a silent toast and taking another sip.

 

Letting himself fall back onto the cool grass, Tsuzuki looked up at the clouds floating by and the occasional butterfly that danced through the air. Closing his eyes, he felt the closeness of his partner and his shikigami and smiled. Hisoka was right, he over thought things too much. Who cared what anyone else thought? His friends would all be happy for him and anyone who wasn’t didn’t matter. In his mind, he began to envision life with Hisoka in their new apartment. He imagined what it would look like and how they would spend their time together, and he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

 

“Tsuzuki? Tsuzuki?” A voice called out to him and an insistent buzzing tickled his chest as Tsuzuki tried to wake up from his nap. “Tsuzuki, your phone is buzzing. It might be something important.” The voice seemed determined to rouse him, but the sun was so warm and he felt so sleepy. Just as he was drifting back off again, a sharp poke in the side brought him fully awake and shying away from the painful stimulus.

 

“Hey!” Tsuzuki shouted as he sat up. Looking around, Tsuzuki saw only Touda and the remains of the picnic lunch which he was repacking back into the basket. “What… where are Hisoka and Byakko?” The shinigami rubbed his eyes and glanced at his watch. Three hours had passed since they had set up their lunch and the sun was getting low on the horizon.

 

Touda grinned and closed the lid on the picnic hamper. “They left hours ago to go house shopping. Apparently, they had found the ‘perfect’ place and wanted to check it out right away so I volunteered to stay behind with you.” Pointing at Tsuzuki’s jacket pocket, he added, “Your phone has been ringing, by the way.”

 

Tsuzuki remembered the buzzing feeling and reached inside his coat to find his cell phone. It had stopped ringing before he was fully awake, but the screen showed that he had missed three calls, two from Hisoka and one from Watari. Flipping open the device, he punched the button to return Hisoka’s call.

 

“Hey, Tsuzuki,” an energetic voice which was not Hisoka’s answered.

 

“Byakko? What are you doing with Hisoka’s cell?” Tsuzuki asked.

 

“Oh, he’s busy with the landlord working out the details. We’ve been waiting for you, but I don’t know how much longer he’ll stay. You’ve gotta see this place, Tsuzuki. It’s so cool!” The tiger’s enthusiasm was genuine and infectious.

 

Tsuzuki felt bad that Hisoka had needed to look around without him. The last few days must have really tired him out if he’d napped for three hours and missed two phone calls. “Tell Hisoka that I’m sorry and that if he really likes the place to go ahead and take it. If you two like it that much, it must be very nice. I got another call from Watari that I need to return, but I can meet up with you guys afterwards if you’re still there.”

 

“Hold on a sec, Tsuzuki.”

 

Tsuzuki heard Byakko move the phone away from him and relay the message to Hisoka. His partner’s answer was muffled by distance and he couldn’t make out the reply.

 

Byakko’s voice came through the line again, “Hisoka said he’d fill out the paperwork if you’d stop by his apartment and grab his checkbook off the desk for the deposit.” Byakko went on to give Tsuzuki directions to the out of the way house. It wasn’t far from where they’d had their picnic so it was a good distance from the city.

 

 _‘Away from all those people and easier on his shields, no wonder Hisoka likes it better. It’ll be more relaxing for both of us and nice for Byakko to be able to romp and play if he and the others want to visit. It would be nice to be able to visit Ryu more often as well and that’s easier if we’re closer,’_ Tsuzuki thought to himself. “It sounds really nice, Byakko. I’ll call Watari and try to be there within the hour. If something comes up and I can’t make it, I’ll give you guys a call back right away.”

 

“Okie-dokie, see you later, Tsuzuki,” Byakko replied cheerfully before disconnecting the call.

 

Touda, who’d heard Tsuzuki’s side of the conversation, shooed the shinigami off of the picnic blanket after his call ended. Tsuzuki stood up and stretched to shake off his post nap lethargy and then called Watari while Touda finished packing up.

 

“Hey, Watari, what’s up?” Tsuzuki asked when the scientist answered his phone.

 

“Tsuzuki, hi there. I’ve finished my analysis and I have something I’d like Byakko to try as a treatment.”

 

“Really? Already? Wow, that’s great, Watari. Should we come by and get it now?” Tsuzuki asked, his enthusiasm coming across in his voice.

 

“Oooh, not a good idea. I’ve had catnip around the place so it’s probably best if I meet you guys somewhere instead of here at the lab,” Watari suggested. “In fact I’m gonna change my clothes too, just to be on the safe side. Where are you?”

 

“I’ve gotta run back to the apartments, but why don’t I give you directions to the new place. You can meet Hisoka, Byakko and Touda there and I’ll be over there soon,” Tsuzuki offered.

 

 _‘New place’_ Watari wondered to himself, but agreed and took down the directions before ending the call.

 

When he was done, Tsuzuki turned to Touda and explained the plan.

 

“How exactly will this treatment work?” Touda asked as they set out on their way.

 

“I don’t know,” Tsuzuki admitted. “I didn’t really talk to Watari for very long. He’ll meet you guys at the house and explain it all, I’m sure.” As they reached the fork in the road, Tsuzuki handed Touda his cell phone and pointed the way. “It’s along this road. If you can’t find it, just punch this button here and you’ll get Hisoka and they can come out to meet you.” Tsuzuki showed Touda the operation of his phone and then started off toward the city. “I’ll be back as fast as I can,” he called over his shoulder.

 

***

 

Tsuzuki stood in the middle of Hisoka’s apartment. He’d gone to his own place first to get his checkbook, wanting to split the expense evenly, and now he was here to retrieve Hisoka’s checkbook. As he picked up the small folio from its well organized location and walked back to the door, a sudden idea occurred to Tsuzuki. Where was the apple pie?

 

Tsuzuki looked at his watch. He had promised Hisoka that he would return quickly, but his curiosity about the apple pie was strong and, he reasoned, it wouldn’t take long. He just wanted to find it. He just wanted to see if it looked as good as it smelled.

 

Wandering into the kitchen, Tsuzuki began to open cupboard doors and the refrigerator in his insatiable quest for that most perfect of foods, apple pie. Oddly, he could neither find the pie nor detect any trace of its scent. “That’s strange,” he observed aloud to the empty apartment. “I could smell it clear down the hall when it was in the lab, but I can’t smell it at all here. I wonder if he hid it somewhere…”

 

Leaving the kitchen, Tsuzuki walked slowly through the small apartment and finally caught a whiff of his culinary desire in the bedroom though, once again, nothing was visible on the top of the dresser or anywhere else. “In a cabinet?” he wondered aloud. Walking through the bedroom, the odor grew progressively stronger until he arrived at the nightstand on Hisoka’s preferred side of the bed.

 

Cautiously, Tsuzuki pulled open the single drawer that was located just below the top, but found nothing that looked like a pie. Kneeling down, Tsuzuki opened the door to the large space under the drawer and was hit with a blast of apple pie scent, yet he could still see no pie.

 

It wasn’t long before Tsuzuki realized that the odor was coming from a small rack of test tubes sitting carefully in the bottom of the cabinet. He looked at them curiously before opening one and sniffing carefully. Tsuzuki’s mouth watered at the intense aroma of apple and spice and before he knew what he was doing, he’d tipped the tube and poured a small quantity into his mouth.

 

“Mmmm,” Tsuzuki hummed with pleasure. It tasted as good as it smelled, but the consistency was odd and why would Watari make apple pie that wasn’t apple pie. Replacing the stopper, Tsuzuki put the vial back into its rack and closed the door before noticing that the tube had dripped a small quantity down onto his fingers. Not wanting to touch anything and risk spreading the mess in Hisoka’s apartment, he tried rubbing his fingers together to see if the liquid would evaporate and suddenly realized what it was he’d consumed.

 

In a flash, all the pieces of the puzzle came together; Hisoka’s behavior in the hallway, Tatsumi’s reaction in the office, Watari’s stuttered reply in the lab. The only question that remained was why Hisoka had the remnants of the experiment in his nightstand. It was a full fifteen seconds before Tsuzuki realized what he’d asked himself and the answer was obvious. Hisoka saved it and brought it home, because he wanted to use it. He wanted to use it, with him.

 

“Whoa,” Tsuzuki remarked in a deep whisper as the enormity of the idea settled in. The more he thought about it, though, the more Tsuzuki liked the idea. Hisoka said that he was ready for this, more than ready, and he was obviously thinking ahead to what they would need. Tsuzuki wanted it too, if he admitted it to himself. Most of his hesitation up to this point had been fear over Hisoka’s feelings. A new house, a new start, casting away old fears; maybe it really was time for him to show Hisoka how he truly felt.

 

With a gleam in his eye and a newfound courage inspiring him, Tsuzuki walked to the bathroom and retrieved a clean washcloth. Taking one of the tubes out of the rack, he carefully wrapped the small glass vial in the cushioning cloth and tucked it inside his trench coat pocket. He made one final stop at the linen closet and pulled out three spare blankets. Balancing his bundle carefully on one arm, he turned out the lights and locked the door behind him. He and Hisoka would christen their new house properly after all and Tsuzuki for one couldn’t wait to start his new life.

 

***

 

Watari debated whether or not to call Tatsumi. The Secretary hated to be embarrassed, particularly in the office, and Watari was unsure how any lingering frustration over ‘the apple pie incident’ might color Tatsumi’s reactions to the news about Hisoka and Tsuzuki.   Eventually, Watari gave up and simply sent an email detailing his research on Byakko’s behalf and mentioning their friends’ new home. Watari told himself that he wasn’t hiding from Tatsumi so much as simply delaying a bit. If he could just beat Seii home, cook a nice dinner, and dim the lights a bit, then maybe they could just gloss over everything that had happened and move on to a nice reunion after Watari’s two night absence.

 

Most nights, Tatsumi worked until at least seven or eight o clock. Watari glanced at the clock and reasoned that he could likely be back to the apartment by seven which would give him time to at least get their dinner started and set out some candles. He just had to deliver the tincture he’d created today, first.

 

Once he’d changed his clothes and shoved the bottle into his pocket, Watari sat 003 on his shoulder, turned out the lights and locked the door behind him. The scientist loved his lab, but it was much more fun to spend the night in bed with Tatsumi than it was to be alone on the cot in the side room.

 

Watari walked through the main areas of Meifu and followed the directions he’d been given once he left the city. Within minutes, the scenery changed and became more open. Meifu was always green given the artificial spring air that reigned, but wide expanses opened up before him and Watari enjoyed his stroll while 003 whistled her approval in his ear.

 

 _‘Tatsumi would never move to a place like this, too far from the office,’_ Watari thought. It’s too far from the lab, too, he admitted to himself with a sigh. _‘I can see why Tsuzuki and Hisoka would like it out here, though.’_ It was another brisk fifteen minutes before he saw lights in the distance and made out the distinctive white hair of Byakko’s head bouncing around a wide porch.

 

The tiny house was a small A frame shaped chalet. A porch ran the width of the first floor in the front and the back and a small balcony with a large window marked the lone room that made up the second floor. It gave the structure an open, expansive feel, but Watari could see that the area of the interior likely added up to less than 75 sq meters. A small chimney poked its way through the center of the house and up the side of the second floor. A thin line of smoke puffed out into the early evening sky making the place look already homey and lived in.

 

“Hello,” Watari called out as he neared the house and watched as Touda and Hisoka joined Byakko on the porch. “Gang all here?” he asked as he reached the bottom step.

 

“No, you managed to beat Tsuzuki which means you’ll get to see the place before he does if you want the grand tour.” Hisoka sounded annoyed, but looked happier than Watari had seen him since Kurosaki first arrived in Meifu.

 

It wasn’t a large house and took only five minutes to view. Watari half listened to Hisoka explaining where he thought he might put furniture, what they might have to keep, get rid of, or replace, but he paid sharp attention to the young man’s manner. Hisoka looked rejuvenated. A funny way to think of it since Hisoka was the youngest of them in age before death and in the number of years since his arrival, but Hisoka had always had the air of someone much older. _‘You’ve seen too much pain in your short years, kid. It’s about time you and Tsuzuki had something to be happy about.’_ “Congratulations,” was what Watari actually said aloud, but it didn’t come close to expressing the depth of his joy for his friends.

 

As the pair descended the open stair to the ground floor, they heard Byakko’s voice shout, “Tsuzuki!”

 

Watari sat on the top step and watched as Hisoka hurried down to the door to meet his partner. The two men never noticed the three sets of eyes that watched their reunion, seeing only each other and as Hisoka started to show Tsuzuki around their new home, Watari descended and stepped outside.

 

On the porch, Byakko stood grinning with amusement and Touda held a large bundle of blankets.

 

“What on earth is all that?” Watari asked the confused looking shikigami.

 

“I have no idea,” Touda answered flatly. “Tsuzuki came charging up here, shoved these at me and ran in the house. I guess he’s planning on spending the night here.” Turning to look at Byakko, he asked, “Can they do that?”

 

“I suppose so. Turns out the landlord lives just over the rise there,” Byakko lifted a hand and pointed back in the direction Watari had come from. “He couldn’t hang around any longer, but he said they could have the keys tonight if they signed the lease when Tsuzuki got here and then went over and gave him the deposit, rent and paperwork.”

 

Byakko’s eyes lit up and he bounced back through the front door. “Hisoka,” he called into the house.

 

The sound carried well in the nearly empty structure and Hisoka poked his head into the stairwell from where he and Tsuzuki had ended up at the top floor. “Right here,” Hisoka answered.

 

“If you guys have all the checks and paperwork and stuff, I’ll run it over to the landlord’s place for you.” Byakko grinned. There wasn’t much he could really do for his friends besides moral support, but he could take care of this little job which meant they could stay home and arrange their blankets. The tiger shiki giggled slightly and his tail swished in amusement.

 

Hisoka looked behind himself at a nodding Tsuzuki and then back to Byakko. “Are you sure you don’t mind,” he asked as he came down the stairs.

 

“Not at all; I’ll be there and back with your keys in a jiffy.”

 

Byakko and Tsuzuki followed Hisoka into the kitchen where he showed Tsuzuki what to sign and how to make out the check. Each man wrote their portion and then gave all the papers to Byakko.

 

“You’ve been a huge help today, Byakko,” Hisoka said. “Thank you.” Hisoka hesitated for a moment and then, impulsively, leaned forward and gave the Protector of the West a brief hug. When he stepped back, Hisoka was blushing slightly, but Byakko looked proud and happy.

 

“I’m happy to help, really,” Byakko insisted looking back and forth between Tsuzuki and Hisoka. With a single bounce, he launched out the door and down the street, a blur of white disappearing into the darkness.

 

Touda and Watari had heard a bit of the exchange inside and had wisely moved away from the door before Byakko’s charge. As the white haired steak flew past, 003 chirped into Watari’s ear, prompting him to check his watch by the porch light. Seeing the time, he frowned at Byakko’s retreating form.

 

“You need to go soon?” Touda asked, observing the movement.

 

Watari nodded. He really wanted to beat Tatsumi home, but he also needed to explain the tincture. He pulled the small glass bottle with its eyedropper lid out of his pocket and stared at it.

 

Guessing the problem, Touda asked, “Is it something you can explain to me, or do you need to tell Byakko directly?”

 

“It’s not really all that complicated, I suppose. When I started working on this, Hisoka had explained it as an allergy. It really isn’t a true allergy. His reactions haven’t gotten worse over time, if anything, they seem to be improving. That could be situational or sheer coincidence of course, we don’t have a lot of data to go by, but the severity of the reaction seems to be moderated as time goes by and as Byakko ages and matures. It appears to be more like a drug sensitivity, so my theory is that we could improve it by desensitizing him over a period of time.”

 

Touda stared at Watari and tried to follow the scientist’s train of thought. “Give him catnip on purpose?” he asked incredulously.

 

“Not full strength, of course.” He held the bottle out to Touda who accepted it. “This is a very weak tincture. I’ve recorded the precise concentration so that we can make adjustments as needed. Try it some evening when he’s relaxed and at home in what he’d perceive as a safe, comfortable environment. Try just two or three drops on the back of his hand and then observe his reactions. If he shows no effect, we’ll up the dose, if he wigs out, well, obviously we’ll have to dilute it again. Gradually, the theory is that he’ll build up a tolerance to it. He’ll never be able to roll in a giant pile of actual catnip herb and walk away unaffected, but my hope is that his reaction will be moderated so that he doesn’t need to worry about hurting himself or someone else.”

 

Touda stared at the small amber glass bottle in fascination. “So, he’ll what, behave as though he’s a little drunk if this works the way it should?”

 

“Something like that is what I’m hoping. Based on his body chemistry and the reports, I’ve adjusted the strength to a dose that I think is in a good range. As I said, we may have to increase or decrease, but I don’t think he’d go on a rampage at this potency unless he poured the entire bottle over himself.

 

Touda bowed from the waist and extended his hand as he straightened up. “Thank you, Watari. I will explain it all to him very carefully. Please know that we both appreciate all your effort in this very much.”

 

Watari shook Touda’s outstretched hand, but blushed and protested at the fuss. “It’s no trouble at all, anytime. It wasn’t that big a deal, really.”

 

“It is to us, Watari.” Touda paused for a moment, overwhelmed by the possibility of helping his lover get past this incident.

 

Watari looked at the serious expression fixed on Touda’s face and felt a wave of sympathy for the stern shiki. He and his partner had been through a lot the last few days and Watari kicked himself for ever having laughed at Byakko’s predicament. To look at the happy, energetic tiger god, you’d never guess that something like this had been a problem for him. “Right,” Watari responded quietly. Reaching his arm out, he put on a hand on Touda’s shoulder and squeezed it briefly, trying to convey his support. “Good luck,” he added. “Please let me know how it goes.” Releasing his hold on the dark man, Watari walked down the porch and away from the house. “Bye, Tsuzuki, Hisoka, congratulations on the new place,” he called out over his shoulder as he walked away. “Tatsumi and I will be expecting invitations to your housewarming.”

 

Touda watched until the scientist and his tiny owl, returning the way they’d come, were swallowed up by the darkness. In many ways, the blond’s energetic and positive outlook reminded him of Byakko, and Touda decided that he liked the unusual shinigami. He’d been very generous with his time and acted as though he truly cared. Touda paused and looked at the glass vial in his hand. _‘Can it really be this easy? Will this really help Byakko learn to retain control when he’s exposed to the herb?’_ Touda stared in wonder, full of hope that something could help his lover and ease his mind. He also experienced a small twinge of jealousy. ‘ _Nothing stopped me,’_ then Touda shook his head. _‘That’s ancient history; I shouldn’t dwell on that now, not when so many things are right again in my life.’_

 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Byakko’s voice intruded on Touda’s thoughts. “You’re brooding over something again.” Noticing the bottle, he asked, “What’cha got there?”

 

Touda looked up, away from the small, amber bottle and straight into beautiful red eyes. Leaning forward, he pressed their lips together and kissed his lover gently before pulling away to answer, “It’s your medicine.”

 

“Cool,” Byakko responded, “and that rates a kiss? Can I have some now?” Youthful hands reached for the bottle and tried to grab at it, but Touda pulled his hand away and put the bottle behind his back.

 

“Oh no you don’t, you naughty cat. I’m going to keep this out of your paws until we get home and maybe after that too. I need to explain to you what Watari said and we can decide where to go from there.” Touda tried to look firm, but Byakko’s playfulness made it hard to keep a straight face. Trying this remedy was serious though, and he didn’t like to think what Byakko’s state of mind would be like if things went wrong. He had to be very careful.

 

Byakko stepped back and saw the earnest worry in Touda’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I was just kidding around.” Suddenly unable to make eye contact, Byakko lowered his eyes and stared at the small pile of blankets Touda had balanced on the porch railing. “I’ll just take these inside with the keys and tell the guys that we’re leaving.”

 

Byakko started to reach for the blankets when Touda grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay, Byakko. I just…” Touda didn’t want to alarm his lover, but he didn’t want to hide anything from him either. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay. The treatment contains catnip and we don’t want to have any accidents.”

 

Byakko recoiled away from Touda as if the snake had bitten him. “It has… no way. Keep that stuff away from me. What the heck is he thinking?” Before Touda had a chance to explain, Byakko grabbed the blankets and ran into the house.

 

Touda sighed and looked up into the night sky where thousands of stars winked back at him. He had had a feeling it was going to be difficult to explain the situation to his lover, but Touda hoped he hadn’t just made things worse. “Well, that went well, didn’t it?” he asked aloud to the celestial bodies overhead and then followed his lover into the house.

 


	15. Moving In

**Chapter Fifteen:**

 

 

Hisoka and Tsuzuki stood alone together on the porch of their newly rented home and watched the stars once the shikigami couple had returned to GenSouKai.

 

“It was nice of Touda to help us out with the fireplaces. At least we’ll have some light this evening.” Hisoka remarked after they’d gone inside, as he helped Tsuzuki arrange the blankets in their second floor loft.

 

“And Byakko left us the rest of the food in the picnic basket too,” Tsuzuki added when his stomach rumbled again. “I didn’t get much lunch, you know.”

 

Hisoka laughed at his partner and the pair went down into the kitchen to make up a small, cold, picnic dinner for themselves.

 

As they sat on the floor in front of the fireplace and finished off the contents of the basket, Hisoka asked, “So what prompted you to grab the blankets and think of staying?”

 

Tsuzuki leaned back, full and contented, and stared into the fire. “I don’t know, it seemed like it would be nice to spend the night right away in our new place. I hadn’t even seen it yet, but you and Byakko seemed so excited. Besides, I wanted to do something nice to pay you back for the apple pie.”

 

Hisoka went still and not a sound could be heard in the room except for the crackling of the well stoked fire. Finally, taking a deep breath and attempting an air of nonchalance, Hisoka managed to ask, “Pie?”

 

Tsuzuki turned his head and gave his partner a knowing glance. “Don’t play dumb, Hisoka. Watari told me all about how he gave you the rest of the pie when we were in the lab this morning. I didn’t see it in your kitchen when I picked up your checkbook, so I thought maybe you had it stashed here at the house somewhere.” Tsuzuki leaned back again and watched the patterns of light dancing across the ceiling. “I’m full enough for now I suppose, but it would make a great bedtime snack.”

 

Grateful both that Tsuzuki was looking away and that he had no empathic gift, Hisoka’s face blanched stark white as panic set in. His mind raced back and forth, trying to sort out what had happened and what to do next. _‘Tsuzuki must have cornered Watari about the pie and so he passed along the problem to me. What do I do now? I don’t have the lube let alone a real pie, how am I supposed to explain this?’_ Hisoka glanced at Tsuzuki. His partner was lying in front of the fireplace, eyes now closed and with a supremely contented grin on his face. Tsuzuki was the picture of blissful happiness and now Hisoka feared that he was going to have to ruin the man’s good mood. “Tsuzuki… about the pie…” he started, not sure how to break the sad news to his partner that they had no dessert.

 

Tsuzuki bolted upright. “Then again,” he said, eyes flashing with excitement at his new idea, “there’s always room for dessert. Let’s grab the pie and head upstairs now.” Tsuzuki hopped up from his place in front of the fire and gathered up the empty containers and basket before racing to the kitchen to deposit them on the counter. Rifling his coat pockets, he found the small, glass vial and tucked it carefully into his pants pocket.

 

When Tsuzuki returned to the room, Hisoka was still sitting in the same place, facing away from him and staring into the fire. His poor lover looked so miserable that Tsuzuki felt a twinge of guilt at teasing him. _‘He’s really worried about my feelings,’_ he thought to himself, heart filling with happiness that anyone would care for him that much. “Hey, Hisoka,” he started to say as he edged up the loft stairs, “I’ve already got the pie. You’d better hurry up if you don’t want to be left out.” With that challenge issued, Tsuzuki raced up the remaining steps and tucked the small vial under the top edge of the blanket that was serving as their pillow for the night.

 

Distracted and distressed, Hisoka’s mind finally processed Tsuzuki’s statement and his head snapped up in disbelief. _‘He has the pie? How can he have the pie? There is no pie.’_ Confusion and curiosity finally overcoming his embarrassment, Hisoka stood up and tiptoed up the stairs. By the time he arrived, Tsuzuki was between the blankets and Hisoka spotted a pile of clothing nearby that indicated that his partner had undressed completely before climbing into bed. The only thing Tsuzuki was still wearing was that enigmatic grin he’d had all night.

 

“What’s going on? I thought you said you found the pie, so why are you in bed?” Hisoka’s confusion was plain on his face and in his voice.

 

“I did find your pie, Hisoka, and if you want to share it with me, you’ll have to get undressed and come to bed.”

 

Hisoka was completely lost. The only feelings he read from his partner were happiness and contentment, so whatever was going on it couldn’t be bad. _‘Maybe Byakko had some pie in the picnic hamper that I missed,’_ Hisoka speculated. Deciding to play along, Hisoka began to slip, piece by piece, out of his clothing under his partner’s watchful stare.

 

Tsuzuki’s eyes devoured the sight of his partner as each inch of beautiful skin was revealed to his gaze. He suddenly realized that he would have the honor of that sight each and every night from now on and he knew that he’d never get tired of seeing it.

 

When Hisoka was completely naked, he crawled between the blankets and propped his head up on his hand with his elbow on the makeshift pillow. “Okay, here I am,” he said nervously.

 

Tsuzuki leaned back and retrieved the test tube from its hiding place and dangled it in front of Hisoka’s face. “I only brought one ‘piece’ of your ‘pie’, but I think that’ll be enough to satisfy us this evening, right?”

 

Hisoka stared at the lube in Tsuzuki’s hand and his jaw dropped. His eyes shot back and forth between the tube and his grinning partner and eventually put the pieces together.

 

“Tsuzuki, you rotten bastard,” he shouted as he smacked his lover on the shoulder. “You’ve been messing with me this whole time.”

 

Tsuzuki roared with laughter and even Hisoka’s irate and embarrassed face couldn’t curb his amusement. Hisoka looked even cuter when he was angry. When his laughter finally died down, he looked at his angry partner and leaned forward for a kiss. Hisoka tried to back away, indignant at being the butt of Tsuzuki’s joke, but Tsuzuki set the tube down and grabbed Hisoka, pulling him close and holding him tight with both arms. When Hisoka finally gave in to the kiss, Tsuzuki eased up on his hold and let the kiss come to a natural conclusion.

 

“I’m sorry, Hisoka,” he finally answered when they parted. “I wasn’t trying to make fun of you. I was just teasing you a little. The thought of you sneaking out of the lab today with this stuff under your jacket just made me feel a little silly in return, I guess.” Tsuzuki put on his best begging puppy dog face. “Forgive me?”

 

Hisoka tried to stay angry, but failed in the face of pleading, purple eyes. Wrath melting away, Hisoka leaned forward until their foreheads touched and inhaled. The scent of blueberries lingered on Tsuzuki’s breath and his skin still had a touch of mint from his soap. Underneath it all, the scent was Tsuzuki’s, and something in that made all the tension flow out of Hisoka’s body. It was just too good to fight. “Idiot,” was all he said before tangling his arms and legs with Tsuzuki’s and kissing him breathless as he ground himself and his partner together.

 

Tsuzuki rolled them slightly so that he was on his back with Hisoka on top and let his lover take control of the pace. Hisoka was obviously willing, despite his anger, and their passion grew, even as the flames in the fireplace slowly died down.

 

Hisoka broke away from the kiss and panted into Tsuzuki’s ear from above, “Want you.”

 

Tsuzuki nodded and, putting his hands on Hisoka’s hips, encouraged his partner to move. “Scoot up here so that you’re sitting on my chest.”

 

Hisoka looked confused, but complied and Tsuzuki reached behind and above him for the test tube. Popping the cork, he drizzled a generous amount over Hisoka’s erection and a small amount over his own right hand.

 

“Put your hands on the floor above my head and lean forward,” Tsuzuki asked, and when Hisoka moved himself into position, Tsuzuki swallowed Hisoka’s cock.

 

Hisoka closed his eyes and immersed himself in the feeling of Tsuzuki’s mouth surrounding him. With his left hand, Tsuzuki encouraged Hisoka to raise and lower himself slightly, fucking Tsuzuki’s mouth. Gradually, Tsuzuki worked his way to Hisoka’s now exposed ass, always letting Hisoka know where his hands were. When Hisoka seemed fine with each new level of contact, Tsuzuki finally took his right hand and circled Hisoka’s hole with his lube coated fingers.

 

Unable to form words, Hisoka opened his eyes and looked down at Tsuzuki. Nodding enthusiastically to indicate that it was alright, Hisoka leaned back slightly and relaxed to allow Tsuzuki’s finger to penetrate him. As foreign as the sensation was, it also gave the sense of brushing over an itch. It was strange, but he wanted, he needed more. The urge to thrust in and out of Tsuzuki’s mouth now warred with the desire to push that unsatisfying finger further into his body and Hisoka whined in frustration.

 

Tsuzuki withdrew his finger, prompting a groan from his partner, and hummed in satisfaction around the thick prick filling his mouth. Using his thumb and ring finger to spread Hisoka’s cheeks a little wider, Tsuzuki gently started to push two fingers into his enthusiastic partner.

 

Hisoka felt the first twinges of real pain at the double penetration and stopped thrusting. Tsuzuki immediately responded by backing off slightly and holding very still while Hisoka panted through the sharp, burning sensation and focused on relaxing his now tense muscles. Hisoka felt the waves of worry rolling off his partner even through the physical distractions. Shifting his weight to one hand, Hisoka reached down with his other and brushed the bangs off of Tsuzuki’s face. “It’s okay,” he whispered softly.

 

Readjusting his knees, Hisoka leaned back and pulled himself out of Tsuzuki’s mouth. Reaching back, Hisoka took hold of Tsuzuki’s wrist and held it steady where it rested in the crease of his ass. “Start again, just go slow. I’ll let you know if you need to stop,” he asked.

 

Tsuzuki gave his fingers a slight twist. At this angle, it felt easier to move and he once again pushed forward through Hisoka’s tight passage. Above him, Hisoka panted with exertion, but made no move to stop his hand’s slow progress. There was a moment of intense resistance and then he heard Hisoka give a sigh. Tsuzuki’s fingers had gone as far as they could.

 

While Tsuzuki waited for Hisoka’s signal to proceed, he reached forward and gave a few slow strokes to Hisoka’s flagging erection. His lover arched his back and thrust down on his fingers as Tsuzuki reached the top of the stroke and then rose again. When Hisoka’s keening changed from strained to excited once again, Tsuzuki began to slowly, gently, rotate and wiggle his fingers. At one point, he accidentally brushed over Hisoka’s prostate and Hisoka cried out.

 

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka’s voice echoed through the empty bedchamber and through the night air and his grasp on Tsuzuki’s wrist tightened enough to be painful. “That’s so… oh, that’s good.” Hisoka gave a little shiver as the last echoes died away and he fell forward, releasing Tsuzuki’s hand and collapsing over his lover to crush their lips together.

 

Tsuzuki kissed his partner back with enthusiasm and twisted his fingers once again, glowing with pride when he felt Hisoka shake with pleasure once again. Reluctantly, he pulled his fingers free and broke off the kiss. “I need to use three fingers next, Hisoka, and it’s going to hurt. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 

Hisoka nodded and clung to his partner’s neck. “Go ahead, Tsuzuki. I want this, I’m ready for it.”

 

Tsuzuki rubbed his fingers to spread the lube over his ring finger and pressed forward once again. Hisoka did his best to relax, knowing what was coming, but it was as painful as Tsuzuki had predicted it would be. Slowly, Tsuzuki progressed, moving slightly and then backing off. Each time he thrust forward, he gained a little more ground and the thrusting movement helped to ease the penetration. Within minutes, Hisoka was taking the three fingers and only lingering echoes of pain remained beneath the adrenaline of arousal.

 

“Now,” Hisoka asked plaintively.

 

“Now,” Tsuzuki whispered in response. “Lean back again and lower yourself onto me. It’ll be easier for you that way since you can control how much and how fast. Okay?”

 

Hisoka nodded and sat up. As much as he wanted Tsuzuki, Hisoka could admit, to himself at least, that he was nervous and that he didn’t want to repeat the positions in which Muraki had abused him, at least not this first time. He wanted nothing to spoil this moment for them. It was their time, and he didn’t want thoughts of that madman entering their bedroom if he could help it. Muraki certainly had never let Hisoka be on top and the idea excited him as much as it relieved him.

 

Reaching behind himself, Hisoka took a firm hold of Tsuzuki’s hard cock. Now that the moment was here, it seemed so much larger than it had the day before when he’d stroked his lover off. Hisoka closed his eyes and tried to calm himself until he felt a tapping on his leg.

 

“Hisoka,” Tsuzuki asked. His partner was holding the half empty test tube in front of him and concern was written over his features. “If you’re certain you want to do this, you need to use some of this on me first, but remember, we can stop any time you want. Anything you and I do will be making love. It doesn’t have to be this one thing. Please don’t force yourself.”

 

Hisoka looked down into loving eyes and felt the tension leave his body. Taking the test tube, Hisoka smiled at his partner. “I know,” he replied as he poured out the remaining fluid in the palm of one hand and reached behind to lube Tsuzuki’s cock. _‘As long as I look at him, as long as I see that it’s him, feel that it’s him, it’ll be alright,’_ Hisoka thought.

 

Dropping the empty test tube on the floor away from their blankets, Hisoka sat up on his knees and moved himself into position. Keeping his eyes always on Tsuzuki’s, Hisoka slowly lowered himself down until he felt the head of Tsuzuki’s cock pushing into his body. At the halfway point, there was a moment of pain and resistance, but Hisoka bit his lip and lowered his weight until the rest of Tsuzuki popped inside and Hisoka sat heavily on his lover’s lap.

 

After years of fear and pain, Hisoka breathed a sigh. It felt good to have Tsuzuki inside his body. He could do this. He could make this good for both of them. A small laugh escaped from Hisoka in his relief and Tsuzuki looked up at him in confusion. Brushing away a small tear, Hisoka reached forward and cupped his lover’s cheek. “It’s okay, Tsuzuki. Everything is perfect now.”

 

Tsuzuki looked as though he was about to ask Hisoka a question, but at that moment, Hisoka decided to try raising himself up and down, experimenting with moving them closer to climax.

 

Tsuzuki’s mind emptied of all thoughts but the pleasure of Hisoka’s body surrounding his cock as his partner shifted and wiggled, trying to find his pace and leverage. It took several attempts, all of which Tsuzuki enjoyed immensely, but eventually Hisoka settled on a position where he could push with his arms and legs and began to raise and lower himself quickly.

 

Sweat beaded on Hisoka’s body as he worked them forward in their ecstasy. Looking down at his prostrate partner, there was a brief moment after Hisoka’s muscles began to burn when he wondered if his lazy lover was happier with his submissive role in the proceedings. _‘If I didn’t know better…’_ his thoughts began, but Hisoka quickly squashed them. While it may be a happy bonus for Tsuzuki, Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki had suggested this position for Hisoka’s benefit and not his own.

 

Eventually though, even Hisoka’s determination was no match for his tired legs and fatigued body and he began to slow down.

 

Tsuzuki gently took hold of Hisoka’s hips. “Lean up and forward for me just a little,” he directed as he showed Hisoka how to crouch over him and then he began to thrust up from underneath. Tsuzuki kept one hand on Hisoka’s leg and the other he tucked under himself for leverage and took stroke after stroke, varying his depth and angles until both men were dancing close to the edge. On one powerful thrust, Tsuzuki once again brushed Hisoka’s prostate and once he heard his lover’s cry, repeated the action and direction over and over.

 

“I’m coming, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka cried out, face contorted in pleasure.

 

Tsuzuki sped up his thrusts and drove himself to climax with his partner, focusing on Hisoka’s face until the blankness of orgasm painted the room first white and then black.

 

When both men came to their senses, Hisoka had collapsed on top of Tsuzuki and both men were panting heavily.

 

Words escaping him and being useless with an empathic partner, Tsuzuki cradled Hisoka on his chest and covered his face in light kisses, pouring his love and happiness at their closeness into each and every one.

 

Hisoka submitted to his partner’s affection and floated on the waves of happiness that had taken him over as if he was drunk on them.

 

There would be fights over dirty laundry and dishes, late bills, garbage, groceries, and even the temperature of the house, but both men knew as they drifted to sleep, sticky and sated, that this house and this love would bring them much joy and their faces wore idyllic smiles as they passed into dreams.

 


	16. Shadows Need the Light

**Chapter Sixteen:**

 

 

Tatsumi reached the front door of his apartment and shifted his briefcase to his left hand in order to fumble for his house keys. Hearing a noise coming from inside, he jiggled the knob and the door swung open. _‘Unlocked,’_ he asked himself before realizing that Watari must have already arrived. After two lonely nights without his lover, Tatsumi had grown accustomed once again to actually having to unlock his door when he arrived home at the end of a long day.

 

As the door opened wide in front of him, the scent of beef wafted towards him and Tatsumi’s stomach rumbled. Setting the briefcase down in the entryway and kicking off his shoes, Tatsumi crept quietly into the kitchen archway and watched as Watari focused on his dinner preparations. On his way through the living room, Tatsumi had spotted 003 sitting on the back of one of the chairs and dozing. As he passed, she opened her eyes, but with a quick gesture of one finger to his lips, coaxed her to remain silent. Knowing that her friend was safe in his lover’s home and under his watchful eye, 003 remained quiet and hopped onto Tatsumi’s shoulder to watch the proceedings.

 

Kneeling in front of the oven door and looking at his roast, Watari talked to himself about his preparations. “Okay, the tenderloin and roasted veggies look good, the salad is done,” Watari stood up and put a finger aside his mouth as he thought. “I’ve got the wine open on the table to breathe and… oh, right, I need to make the dressing for the salad. Now, what should I make?”

 

From his place leaning on the kitchen archway, Tatsumi volunteered his suggestion. “How about just making a simple balsamic vinaigrette?”

 

Watari jumped at the sound of Tatsumi’s voice and spun around, hand on his heart. Spying his little owl perched comfortably on Tatsumi’s shoulder, Watari waggled a finger in her direction. “You were supposed to warn me when he got home.”

 

003 hooted in response and blinked innocently, but both men detected a light in her eyes that looked like amusement.

 

Watari looked skeptically at 003, but moved forward and gave Tatsumi a small kiss on the cheek. “Welcome home,” he greeted his lover.

 

Not to be outdone, 003 gave Tatsumi a small peck on the cheek before abandoning her perch and flying over to land on Watari’s shoulder.

 

“Well, thank you,” Tatsumi shifted his eyes to include the small bird in his words, “and thank you. Looks like you’ve gone to a lot of effort this evening,” Tatsumi remarked as he glanced back at the small dining table covered with a tablecloth, candles, and the ‘nice’ china. “It’s not our anniversary or my birthday.”

 

Watari beamed a smile at his partner. Tatsumi was gruff at work, but always noticed the little things at home. He was an attentive lover and partner, considerate to Watari’s physical and emotional needs. “Why should it have to be a special occasion? Let’s just say it’s an, ‘I’m glad to be home with you’ dinner.” Watari blushed slightly under the scrutiny and finally pushed at Tatsumi’s arm. “Why don’t you go change and wash up. I’ll be done here in a minute and we can sit down when you get back?”

 

Heading back the way he came, Tatsumi collected his briefcase, left it on the desk in his study and retreated to the bedroom to change out of his suit. Knowing that they were staying in for the evening, he slipped on the pair of well worn jeans and soft cotton sweater that Watari had given him as a gift the year before. It wasn’t the sort of thing Tatsumi would ever wear outside of the apartment, but it gave Watari pleasure to see him in it and the garments were incredibly comfortable.

 

By the time Tatsumi walked back to the other side of the apartment, Watari had poured the wine and was just lighting the candles. Tatsumi flicked the switch to turn off the over head lights in the kitchen, dining room and living room and smiled at the deep shadows left behind by the flickering candlelight. Ideas started to swirl in Tatsumi’s mind and the shadows danced in response, eager to comply with their master’s wishes. Reining his thoughts in, Tatsumi regained his tight control over his power and took a seat at the table next to his partner.

 

The meal passed pleasantly, Tatsumi enjoyed the delicious food and listened as Watari recounted his adventure in Tsuzuki and Hisoka’s new home. Watari mistook Tatsumi’s silence and a worried look passed over his face. “You’re awfully quiet, Seii. Are you okay with the two of them moving in with each other?”

 

Tatsumi put his fork down gently on the edge of the plate and dabbed at his lips with a napkin. He might be off duty, but he was still Tatsumi Seiichiro. “More than okay, my dear, I’m actually quite pleased for both of them. I was quiet because I’ve been enjoying my wonderful dinner and the sound of my beautiful lover’s voice.” Tatsumi paused to look into still skeptical amber eyes. Heaving a deep sigh, he pushed his chair away from the table and stood up only to pull Watari’s chair away from the table and kneel directly in front of him. “Once upon a time I had feelings for Tsuzuki, yes. We’ve talked about this before. He and I…” There was a pause. “We could never be happy, there was just too much pain there and neither of us could help the other. It was just too close, too much the same. I couldn’t even stay as his partner, even feeling the way that I did. When Hisoka came, I could see how good they were for each other.” Taking Watari’s face in his hands, Tatsumi forced their eyes to meet. “It was a long, long time ago. Tsuzuki is a friend and I will always care about him, but I love you, Watari. You were my breath of fresh air, the one who woke my heart just as Hisoka woke Tsuzuki’s. I wish I could make you understand just how much I need you, just how much I love you.”

 

Watari leaned forward and pressed their lips together before pulling away and brushing a tear away from his cheek. “I’m sorry, Tatsumi. I get a little paranoid about my run of good luck now and then. It isn’t anything that you do, Seii, truly.” Watari sniffed and giggled a little. “Heck if I didn’t know you loved me beforehand, the minute you built that little wooden coop nest thing for 003 on top of your best bookcase would have been a dead giveaway.”

 

“Is that why you do things like this?” Tatsumi asked.

 

“What? Make dinner?” Watari replied.

 

“No, disappear for days on end trying to do something to please me.” Tatsumi stood up and rubbed at his knees before pulling his chair away from the table and setting it next to Watari. Taking hold of his partner’s hands, he continued, “You get an idea for something that you think will please me, like this week with the lube, and then you’ll lock yourself away in the lab or disappear to earth to work or shop or investigate something. I like the sweater, I like the jeans, I even liked the lube, but I like being with you more. I wish you would stop running away.”

 

“I’m not-” Watari started to protest, but stopped short when he really thought about what Tatsumi was saying to him. “Am I?”

 

“When something’s bothering you, you can work in the lab non stop for hours. If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable, you make a joke. I’m a master at hiding in shadows, Watari, I know running away when I see it. What I don’t understand is why? Have I done something to make you feel uncomfortable with our relationship? Am I going too slow or too fast? Am I doing something wrong?”

 

Watari shook his head vigorously in disagreement. “No, Seii, it isn’t you. Sometimes it just feels as though things are too good, if that makes any sense. We danced around each other for years since I didn’t know you were interested too and I’m always haunted by the notion that maybe I was given this gift by mistake. There are days when I wake up and wonder whether today is the day when the universe realizes it goofed and you somehow disappear from my life. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave me. I guess it’s just… I’m trying to chase you, make you want me more, but I’m also trying to keep some distance to prepare for the worst.” Watari looked up into deep blue eyes, filled with confusion. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t make much sense.”

 

“Fear never does make much sense, but I recognize it,” Tatsumi responded when Watari finished. “I left a partner once before with no explanation and while this is very different, I can’t say that you have no reason to feel this way. I can say that I’ll never leave you, not voluntarily, but it’s a matter of trust. I can’t make you believe me. I’ll do whatever I can, reassure you in any way that you want. Do you want us to get a place like Tsuzuki and Hisoka did? Shall I take you to some country on Earth that allows men to marry and put a ring on your finger? Should I tie you to the bed and never let you leave?”

 

Watari’s eyes lit up and he licked his lips slowly before answering in a seductive voice, “Maybe.”

 

Tatsumi sat back and looked his lover up and down. “Which question were you answering, Yutaka or was that to all three?”

 

Watari leaned forward until his hands were resting on Tatsumi’s chair and their lips were inches apart. In a breathy whisper, he responded, “Maybe.”

 

Tatsumi closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. Watari Yutaka was the most infuriating, mysterious, sexy, clever, loving, and devoted man he’d ever met and Tatsumi couldn’t imagine his life without him even when the man was being a complete pest.

 

When Tatsumi’s eyes opened, Watari saw a dangerous look behind the glinting eyeglasses. The game was on.

 

“So, you want to play this evening,” Tatsumi remarked, cool amusement in his voice. “I ask you a simple, straightforward question and you avoid giving an answer in just the same way you’ve been evading me all week. That’s just fine, Yutaka. I know exactly what to do with you.”

 

Watari felt a chill creep across his skin just seconds before he noticed the shadows in the room had all begun to move. As they wound around his wrists and ankles, binding him to the chair, Watari felt a moment of panic and looked at his partner with pleading eyes. “Seii,” his voice questioned softly.

 

Tatsumi reached forward and touched Watari’s cheek for a second before bringing their lips together. “It’s all right, Yutaka,” he whispered in Watari’s ear when the kiss ended. “You’re in control. It’s just a game, and you can stop it whenever you want. Just say…” Tatsumi paused trying to think of a good safe word. “Just say ‘taxes’.” Tatsumi smiled as he nibbled on his partner’s neck. The word was one Watari would never have used accidentally and would be certain to get Tatsumi’s attention. Nothing could crush thoughts of romance and sex faster than the idea of taxes.

 

Watari sighed in relief as Tatsumi sucked at a spot just below his ear. _‘It’s just a game.’_ For a moment, the scientist had been afraid that he’d finally pushed Tatsumi too far and that the shadow master was genuinely angry with him. _‘I’ve certainly provoked him this week,’_ he thought with regret. It had always been fun to rile his lover up, but his avoidance problems were not something Watari had been consciously aware of and he certainly had no idea how much it had been bothering Tatsumi. _‘I’ve been so worried about Tatsumi’s commitment to me, but I’m the one running away. It’s time to stop running. It’s time to let Seii know exactly how I feel about him.’_ Watari threw his head back and pushed his neck out, offering it up to Tatsumi’s attentions.

 

Tatsumi responded with a pleased growl knowing that Watari had agreed to the game and was reacting to it with such enthusiasm.   After a minute, Tatsumi moved away and admired the mark he’d left on Watari’s neck. The deep red area would bruise, but on a shinigami with unaffected healing powers, the mark would disappear before morning. Tatsumi would have to enjoy it this evening before it faded away from view entirely.

 

“It’s time to teach you a few things, Watari,” Tatsumi began in his best office disciplinary voice. “You have a very bad habit of running away, and we need to address that. I will be asking you questions. You WILL answer them. If you answer them to my satisfaction, there will be a reward. If you do not answer or if you answer in what I consider to be an unsatisfactory manner, there will be consequences. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Tatsumi,” Watari answered meekly while trying his best not to giggle. Part of him was already wondering what sort of punishment his lover had in mind and curiosity was overwhelming his desire to comply.

 

“I think we’ve already established that your ‘maybe’ applied to at least one of the questions I asked.” Tatsumi stood up and looked over his captive victim. Watari looked positively edible tied up in his shadows. It was going to be difficult to keep the game alive for long when he already wanted to strip off his lover’s clothes and bury himself inside the man. Clearing his throat, Tatsumi continued, “Would you like for us to consider moving to a new place?”

 

Watari’s natural curiosity was part of what made him such a good scientist and researcher; it also got him into a great deal of trouble. Already unable to resist the challenge by only the second question, Watari grinned and answered, “Maybe.”

 

Tatsumi scowled. Watari was testing him already. _‘I should have known he wouldn’t be able to resist. I need to make this punishment a real punishment or we’re not going to get anywhere tonight. We need to get past this. I want my lover back. I don’t want to wonder when the next time will be that he’ll wander off and leave me behind going crazy wondering why. I need answers and I need them tonight.’_

 

Watari wriggled in his chair with excitement. _‘Will he spank me, or take my shirt off? I wonder what he’ll do.’_ When Tatsumi picked up his chair and quietly returned to his place at the table, Watari’s jaw dropped.

 

“Your answer,” Tatsumi began as he sat down and picked up his utensils to finish his meal, “was unsatisfactory. You will sit there, quietly, for,” Tatsumi paused to consult his watch, “five minutes and then I will ask you again. Be ready with a proper answer this time.” Without so much as a glance in Watari’s direction, the shadow master resumed his neglected meal.

 

Watari stared at the side of Tatsumi’s head in utter disbelief. _‘He’s going to ignore me. He’s seriously going to sit there and eat without me and not speak to me at all?!’_ At first, Watari was outraged, but that emotion quickly moved aside for the growing loneliness that crept into his heart. His lover was sitting just a few feet away. He could see him, but he couldn’t touch him or speak to him. It was torture. _‘How can you do this to me?’_ he thought.

 

When Tatsumi finally finished his meal and returned to Watari’s side, however, the scientist could see the pain he felt mirrored in his partner’s eyes. Watari wasn’t the only one suffering from this separation and finally he got it. Tears filled Watari’s eyes as he thought about Tatsumi alone in the apartment while he’d been in the lab, or the nights he’d spent on earth searching down a rare substance for an experiment, the times he’d gone on missions overnight without checking in. _‘It must have been hell for you, Seii, and I can’t even last five minutes.’_ Watari broke down and sobbed, “I’m so sorry, Seii.”

 

By the time Watari uttered his lover’s name; Tatsumi was kneeling at his side and hugging him tightly. As he cradled Watari’s head in the crook his shoulder, Tatsumi ran a soothing hand up and down as much of his distressed lover’s back as he could reach. “Shh, it’s alright,” Tatsumi whispered reassuringly.

 

“No, I would send you two sentence emails and assume that was enough. I just assumed you knew that I loved you and never explained why I was gone or kept in touch. I’d just go off and do my own thing and you never knew. I’m sorry, Seii.” Watari leaned back and tried to meet Tatsumi’s eyes.

 

“The first few times you did it, I was certain I’d done something wrong, that I’d driven you away,” Tatsumi admitted. “Then you would come back and act as though nothing had happened, give me a gift and we would just pick up where we left off. I didn’t understand. You didn’t seem to want to talk about it though, so I never wanted to pry. When you were ready, I thought you would talk to me. After this week though…”

 

Watari nodded when Tatsumi’s words trailed off. “After this week, you just couldn’t take it anymore, the not knowing. I’m so sorry, Seii. I didn’t realize. It isn’t you, I promise. Some days an idea will pop into my head and I lose all track of time. When I get absorbed in a project, I don’t think about anything else. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgotten to even eat or sleep unless someone comes in and tells me to do it. It’s just the way I’ve always been. I’ll admit, some of my ideas have been more desperation than inspiration though and I’m sorry for that. I should trust you enough by now to know that you won’t just leave me. While I was alive, my research, my work, was all I really had and when I’m worried or upset, it’s what I fall back to. It’s become my comfort zone when I don’t understand life.” Watari paused to take a breath and softened his voice. “I don’t want it to be that way anymore though, Seii. I do want us to be partners. I want to turn to you and have you turn to me. Promise you won’t leave me. I promise I’ll try to get better at talking to you.”

 

“Shhh, that’s enough, Watari.” Tatsumi stroked Watari’s head until his partner calmed down and then leaned in to kiss him, a long, slow, deep kiss full of passion and love. “Do you want me to let you go now?”

 

Watari shook his head no, even as the bonds around his hands were dissolving away. Throwing his hands around Tatsumi’s neck, he hugged his lover close and said, “Never let me go. Take me to bed, make love to me; but, never let me go.”

 

Tatsumi looked down at his lover and was shocked to see how unnerved Watari appeared. The scientist was always so energetic and quick witted and it was a rare thing to see him undone. Tatsumi brushed the long blond hair away from Watari’s face and kissed away the remaining tears. It had taken thirty years before the pair had gotten together and even then it had been a hesitant dance. Oh, they’d hopped into bed quickly enough, but attachments of the heart were another thing entirely. Tatsumi knew that he loved Watari and he believed that his lover felt the same way about him, but relationships were something that were difficult for both of them and they were still learning how to be a couple.

 

Slowly rising to his feet, Tatsumi took Watari’s arm and helped him to stand. “Why don’t you go ahead and lie down. I’ll just clean up and be right behind you,” he suggested, but Watari clung to his arm and his eyes said what his voice couldn’t.

 

Tatsumi kissed his partner’s brow, wrinkled with anxiety, and relented. “It’s alright. It’ll keep for a while. We’ll just leave it.” Reaching over to the table, Tatsumi picked up the candelabra and led the way down the hall to the bedroom.

 

Watari held Tatsumi’s free arm tightly, gripped by sudden nervousness he’d never known before. “I’m afraid, Seii,” he whispered behind his partner’s back in the stillness of the apartment hallway. “Why am I so afraid?”

 

Tatsumi urged Watari on the last few steps to the bedroom and sat the candles down on a wide wooden dresser. Hands now free, he scooped up his lover in both arms and walked him to the bed where he gently laid him down. Kneeling next to Watari’s prostrate form, Tatsumi looked down into frightened amber eyes. “There’s no reason to be afraid now, Yutaka. We know where we stand now. Things are better now.”

 

When Watari’s face showed no sign of relaxation, Tatsumi sighed and stretched out next to his partner. Putting his arms around Watari, he continued, “I was worried about us, where we were going, what we were to each other. I didn’t have the courage to ask you before because it seemed like you were trying to get away from me. I want to be with you and only you. I’d like a committed relationship with you. I suppose that makes me a little old fashioned, but that’s the way that I am. I wasn’t sure whether or not that was something you would want with anyone, let alone me though, so I kept quiet. If you’re that nervous about changing the way things are, we don’t have to.”

 

Watari shook his head vigorously. “No, Seii, that’s not it. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s not that I don’t want to be close to you. I think it’s how close I came to ruining everything and I didn’t even know it. How can I be in a relationship with you, love you as much as I do, and hurt you without even knowing it?”

 

Tatsumi felt a shiver run down Watari’s body and hugged his partner a little tighter. “You didn’t even come close to losing me, Watari. I’m not that easy to get rid of. I just thought it was time to deal with this before either of us got hurt. It’s alright now, I promise. As long as you are happy with where we are, we’re fine.”

 

Watari took a deep breath and listened to the comforting sound of Tatsumi’s heart beat. He’d missed that sound the last two nights, but didn’t really understand why until this moment. Over the years, his relationship with Tatsumi had changed from boss/employee, to partner on missions, to friends, to lovers, and now… It felt like more now. Oh, they still worked together and Tatsumi was still his best friend and a wonderful lover, but those descriptions all somehow fell short of describing what Tatsumi was to him. “Tatsumi?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“That question you asked earlier; did you really mean that?” Watari pulled away slightly and craned his neck in order to see Tatsumi’s face.

 

“Question,” Tatsumi repeated with a puzzled expression. “You mean about the apartment? I like it here and I thought you did too, but if you really want a new place, it’s fine with me.”

 

“No, not that question. I do like it here and so does 003. I don’t need a new place. I think your apartment is just right for the three of us as long as you don’t mind us being here.” Watari paused for a moment. “No, I meant… your other question.”

 

Tatsumi looked down into Watari’s eyes. He’d always found the golden color to be fascinating although Watari himself was so self conscious about the unusual color, much like Tsuzuki. “You mean about getting married?”

 

Watari nodded his head, but remained silent.

 

Without hesitation, Tatsumi answered, “Yes, I did mean it.”

 

“Okay,” Watari said quietly as he burrowed his head back down into Tatsumi’s chest, “just checking.” Long fingers snaked under Tatsumi’s sweater and Watari ran his hands over his partner’s chest and around to his back.

 

Tension finally creeping away, both men felt the stirrings of arousal and then Watari added another question. “Would you adopt 003 too?”

 

Movement ceased and the bedroom became still and quiet until Watari’s giggles burst forth and Tatsumi moved far enough away to smack his lover on the shoulder. “Why you little… I’m… you… Oh, you’re going to pay for that.” Complexion bright with arousal and indignation, Tatsumi’s shadows shot forth across the room and pinned the wildly laughing blond to the headboard and footboard of their bed.

 

Watari, reassured now of his love’s affections and once again himself, laughed freely with joy and teased Tatsumi with ‘come hither’ looks. “Oh yes, Mr. Secretary, I’ve been a very naughty shinigami. I think maybe you ought to punish me.” Barely getting the words out, Watari laughed uncontrollably until tears rolled down his face and it became hard to breathe.

 

Tatsumi sighed heavily and started to undress his hysterical lover. Tatsumi imagined that there would be a lot of joy for them and troubled times too in the years to come, but no matter what the future might bring, there was one thing he was certain of; life with Watari Yutaka would never, ever be dull.

 


	17. Fear Is a Choice

**Chapter Seventeen:**

 

 

“Absolutely not!” Byakko shouted his response across the bedroom after the pair arrived home.

 

“Byakko, just listen to me, please. I’m not telling you to try it right now, or even this week. I just want to explain to you what Watari had to say.” Touda sat heavily in one of the chairs by the fire and tried to instill a sense of calm in his words.

 

Byakko was highly agitated and paced the length of the room and back, waving his arms as he spoke. “There’s nothing to talk about. I have no idea what the man was thinking, but he’s clearly misunderstood something. I can’t be around that stuff.” Turning to face Touda, Byakko continued, “And I can’t believe you would be trying to get me to use it?! You were there the last time. I can’t go through that again and I don’t understand why you’d want to put either of us in that position.”

 

“And you aren’t going to understand if you never let me talk, Byakko.” Touda’s voice was raised slightly and clipped in his agitation. He understood why it was that his partner was worried about a course of treatment that included what Byakko saw as poison, but Watari’s reasoning had made sense to him when he’d explained the process and the scientist had deliberately kept the concentration extremely low for safety’s sake. In Touda’s mind, it was well worth the small risk to give it a try, but Byakko needed to agree and right now that looked impossible.

 

“What would be the point of letting you talk, Touda? You obviously want me to try this… this,” Byakko waved at the small, brown glass bottle where it stood on the table between the two chairs and looked at it with daggers in his eyes. Words failed him as he searched for an appropriate epithet for what he saw as the root of all evil and he gave a small shiver as he gave up speaking. Turning away, Byakko started rifling through drawers and grabbing at clothing.

 

Touda watched as Byakko raided the dresser, casting garments left and right, but didn’t fully comprehend his actions until the small pile he’d tossed on the bed began to be stuffed into a large bag. “What are you doing?” Touda asked incredulously.

 

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m leaving. I can’t stay under the same roof with that stuff. It just isn’t safe. It was bad enough what happened the first three times, but at least I could say that those were accidents. This… this is premeditated insanity.” Byakko shoved the last of the clothes inside and paused to grab a handful of things from the bathroom. When he returned, he looked at Touda with tear filled eyes and continued, “I know you’re going to be angry, we promised to talk about things and I’m breaking that promise. This is too important, Touda. I’d rather have you angry at me. I’d rather have you hate me than have to live with the idea that I killed you. If I took that stuff, I could kill you and it would be murder. I can’t be a murderer and I can’t live without you.” Byakko’s tears overcame his ability to speak and stuffing the last of his possessions into the small bag, he ran for the door and out of the house.

 

Touda ran to the open door and screamed out to his partner. “Byakko, come back here!” The retreating form showed no sign of slowing down, however, and Touda slammed his fist into the wall in frustration. “Damn it!”

 

Returning to the bedroom, Touda left the door open, fell into his favorite chair and stared accusingly at the small, innocent bottle that had started the mess. “You’re supposed to hold all the answers, so why can’t you tell me what to do now?”

 

The bottle remained silent, but as Touda stared at its glossy surface, he saw his own face reflected back at him. He saw his own eyes staring back at him in misery. Like a light bulb going off in his head, Touda grabbed the bottle and ran out of the room. “Maybe you really are smart, little bottle,” he said aloud as he raced out of the house and into the streets. He knew who to talk to now. He knew the one person that Byakko might listen to long enough to at least make him come home – Rikugo.

 

***

 

Rikugo looked up from his charts at the sound of the knock. It wasn’t the two-tap knock of one of his servants, the tentative knock of Tsuzuki, the imperious knock of Sohryu, the hollow sound of Genbu’s stick banging on the door, or the rhythmic tap of Byakko’s happy little cadence. It was a normal knock, efficient and to the point, and was thus alien to his everyday household recollections.

 

His curiosity was enough that Rikugo actually stood up from the desk where he was working and opened the door himself rather than just calling his usual, ‘come in.’ That his visitor was Touda didn’t surprise Rikugo, but the astrologer did find it interesting.

 

Stepping to the side, Rikugo opened the door fully and gestured at the room. “Come in, Touda, come in.”

 

Touda entered the room awkwardly. He’d been in Rikugo’s study before, but it had been a long time ago. He wasn’t a constant visitor here like Tsuzuki or Byakko. Touda wasn’t a frequent visitor anywhere since escaping the bowels of Tenkuu except for the palace office where he had begun to work again since his exoneration, his own small place, and Byakko’s home. He still maintained his cottage in the woods where he had lived for the first years of his release and he frowned at the memory of the humble dwelling. _‘I suppose I’ll end up staying there tonight. I don’t want to go back to Byakko’s when he isn’t there and if I’m there he might not even be willing to return.’_ Realizing that he was still standing in the middle of the room with Rikugo waiting on him, Touda quickly found a chair not covered in papers and sat down.

 

“So,” Rikugo began as he took a chair opposite Touda. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this evening?” Rikugo had a pretty good idea what sort of things it would take to bring the fire serpent to his door at this hour of the evening, but he considered it polite to at least ask.

 

Touda frowned and pulled the bottle out of his pocket where he’d stashed it while he dashed across the plaza to Rikugo’s palace. Placing it on the table between them, Touda sat back and said, “It’s Byakko. We had a fight about that.”

 

Rikugo raised one eyebrow and reached for the bottle stopping just short of touching it. “May I?” he asked and waited for Touda to nod before picking the bottle up to examine it. A small, neatly printed label proclaimed the bottle’s contents and Rikugo’s eyebrow climbed higher. Looking back at Touda, he asked, “Where did you get this?”

 

Touda leaned back in the chair and tried to make himself comfortable. _‘This could take a while.’_

 

Seeing Touda’s discomfort, Rikugo stood and moved over to the bell pull. “A thousand pardons, Touda. I should have asked when you arrived. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

 

“A drink would be most welcome, Rikugo. Thank you,” Touda responded.

 

Taking in his guest’s appearance, Rikugo questioned further, “Tea, or would you like something stronger?”

 

Touda felt beaten up. It had been a hard few days for him, both physically and mentally. Just as he thought things were getting back under control, this chance had come along and then Byakko had blown up. “Maybe both,” Touda answered.

 

Rikugo nodded. _‘You look like you need it,’_ he thought. Summoning a servant, Rikugo sent for tea and then walked over to a cabinet where he retrieved a snifter and poured a generous measure of brandy inside. Retaking his seat, he handed the glass to Touda and gestured for him to drink.

 

Touda raised the alcohol to his lips and sipped slowly, enjoying first the flavor and then the spreading warmth it gave him. By the time the knock sounded at the door and their tea had arrived, Touda had drained the liquor and set the crystal snifter aside.

 

“Would you like more?” Rikugo asked as he picked up the empty glass.

 

“No thank you, Rikugo. Anymore than that and you might have to put me up for the night.” Touda tried to joke about it, but there was too much truth in the statement to be funny.

 

“I’m not so certain that would be a bad thing,” Rikugo remarked. “You’ve been under a remarkable amount of strain lately and if you and Byakko are fighting, I don’t like the thought of you being on your own.” Sitting down to pour the tea and hand his guest a cup, Rikugo asked, “Where is Byakko now?”

 

Touda took the cup and sipped at the hot tea. The tea warmed him as well, but in a different way from the brandy. Between the two, Touda was feeling much better than he had when he’d arrived. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’d half hoped he’d come here to you when he ran away, but I’m guessing that’s not the case since you don’t know. He packed a bag and ran off saying he couldn’t be under the same roof with…” Touda gestured with a shake of his head at the bottle sitting once again on the table between them.

 

“Yes, about that; you were about to explain that bottle and where it came from before I interrupted you.” Rikugo sat back with his tea and waited for Touda’s story.

 

“Byakko and I went to Meifu today to visit with Tsuzuki and Hisoka. When we arrived, Tsuzuki started to tell us about an idea Hisoka had had to have Watari, their colleague at the ministry, look into Byakko’s catnip problem and see if he could come up with a solution. We met with Watari and he seemed very excited and very hopeful that he could come up with a treatment.” Touda paused to sip his tea. “He was quite thorough in his research, asking a great many questions and drawing blood from Byakko to analyze his body chemistry. In the end, he thought the best course of treatment would be to gradually desensitize Byakko to the active ingredients of catnip by trying exposure to extremely small doses. He gave me the bottle and explained the process and how to test it. It all seemed very reasonable to me. When I tried to explain it to Byakko, though, it didn’t go very well.”

 

“He didn’t believe the explanation?” Rikugo asked.

 

“He never heard the explanation,” Touda answered gruffly. “Once the word ‘catnip’ left my mouth, he shut down. I never got a chance to explain anything to him, not the dosing, the procedure, the reasoning, nothing. He screamed at me, packed his bags and left. The worst part of all though was the look of pain and betrayal in his eyes.” The anger left Touda’s voice and was replaced by the hollow sound of a man in pain. “He couldn’t believe that I would even suggest the treatment to him. He’s convinced himself that if he goes near the stuff again, he’ll kill someone, maybe me, and to take it voluntarily… He thinks I want to make a murderer out of him, Rikugo. I don’t want to die and I would never do anything to hurt him.” Golden eyes pleaded with Rikugo. “Talk to him for me. He doesn’t trust me right now and I need to take this bottle back to my place or he’ll never return to his own home. I’m not asking you to convince him of anything. Just find him and make sure he’s alright. I’m sorry to ask this of you, especially so late in the evening. I don’t think he’d listen to anyone else right now though, not in the state he’s in, and I’m worried about him.”

 

Rikugo waved his hand. “I don’t mind at all, Touda. Of course I’ll go look for Byakko. Please, don’t worry about it anymore. I am still concerned about you however. Why don’t you stay here? There’s plenty of room here and no need for you to go so far out of the city by yourself.”

 

Touda shook his head emphatically. “No, Rikugo. Thank you for the offer, I do appreciate the gesture, but I can’t. You might need to bring Byakko here instead of to his own home and if that’s the case, then I can’t be here. Just being in the city might be too close. I don’t want to do anything to scare him off again.” Touda stood up and tucked the offending bottle back into his pocket. “It’s best for everyone if it and I are far away when he comes back. I’ll be fine, honestly.” Touda paused and extended his hand, formally. “Thank you, Rikugo.”

 

Rikugo took the offered hand and shook it, but felt cold. _‘You trust me enough to help Byakko, but not enough to help you. The war was so long ago and even knowing the truth now, there are still so many scars.’_ Rikugo took a step forward and clasped his other hand overtop Touda’s where it joined his. “You don’t need to thank me, Touda. I do care about Byakko, but I care about you as well. Take care of yourself and call one of us if you need us, please.”

 

Touda looked up into Rikugo’s normal eyes, framed as they generally were behind spectacles and saw sincerity and genuine concern for him reflected there. He held Rikugo’s hand for a moment longer and then pulled away, but nodded his head. He understood. He had seen and recognized the astrologer’s feelings and would consider them in the days to come. _‘I’ll have nothing but time to think until Byakko decides to talk to me,’_ he thought.

 

Taking his leave, Touda walked out of the astrologer’s home and into the comforting darkness of the night. There were few people out and about on the streets of the city and none at all near the woods where Touda’s home stood. Even if there had been someone standing nearby, in the darkness no one could have seen the tears that slid down Touda’s face as he retreated to his lair.

 

***

 

It didn’t take long for Rikugo to track down his former ward. The astrologer found Byakko, as he expected, kneeling in front of his parents’ grave, hands together in front of him, but his composure long gone. Tears streaked down the god’s face and Byakko’s shoulders shook with sobs.

 

“Byakko,” Rikugo whispered softly. He didn’t want to startle Byakko, but he needed to make his presence known.

 

“Rikugo,” Byakko asked before slowly opening his eyes and swiveling his head around to see if the face matched his guess. Hands now dropping to the tops of his legs, he asked, “Why are you here?”

 

Rikugo moved forward and knelt on the ground next to Byakko. Closing his eyes and putting his hands together in front of him, Rikugo took a moment to pay his own respects to his deceased friends before answering their son. “I came to find you.”

 

“You mean Touda sent you to find me,” Byakko responded coldly as he turned back to face the grave monument. “I was thinking about coming to see you after I’d walked around a bit, but when I got back to your place I saw Touda going inside.” Byakko paused and reached forward to caress the stone marker gently with the fingertips of a single hand. “I came here instead.”

 

Rikugo looked at Byakko’s pained profile and wished he could hug away the distress he saw there. Everything in the wind god’s body language, however, said ‘do not touch’, and so the astrologer kept his distance. “Has it helped,” he asked instead.

 

Byakko loosened his posture a little and shrugged his shoulders. He’d been gearing up for a confrontation over Touda that never came. “I suppose so. I don’t really come and visit them as often as I should anyway and I just didn’t know who else to talk to.”

 

Rikugo looked at Byakko curiously. “Why not talk to Genbu, or Sohryu, or Suzaku? I’m certain they all would have put you up for the night and would have been happy to see you and talk things over.”

 

Byakko turned back to face his former tutor, a look of disbelief spread over his young features. “Are you kidding me? I can’t do that. Genbu… Genbu is like my granddad or something. I can’t talk to him about this stuff. I’d be too embarrassed. I mean, how am I supposed to explain about the catnip without telling him about the things that I’ve done. He’d just think I was making too much out of it unless I told him everything and I just couldn’t.”

 

“Well,” Rikugo said as he pondered Byakko’s feelings, “I suppose I can understand that.” Genbu was a bit of a father figure or grandfather figure to most of the shikigami and while he was spry and wise and had a naughty streak of his own, there were just certain things that you didn’t say to him out loud. Oh, not that Genbu would have minded, Rikugo was sure. The old god had seen and experienced more than any of them, but it felt strange to the others to try to speak about personal things to someone you revered that much.

 

“But then, why not Sohryu or Suzaku,” Rikugo persisted. “Suzaku’s your own age, surely you wouldn’t feel awkward talking to her about something like this, and Sohryu has known all of it from the beginning. They both care about you and for you very much. Neither one would turn you away or judge you in any way.”

 

“Not me, no, they wouldn’t judge me, but they might judge Touda and that’s not fair. He’s done nothing wrong. This is my problem and I don’t want him getting any more pain from this than he’s already had. Both of them have a history with Touda and while they get along better now, they’d just assume that whatever had upset me was his fault. I won’t put him in that position just to make myself feel better.” Byakko’s voice had risen slightly and he was vehement.

 

“But… I thought you two were fighting.” Rikugo sat back heavily on the grass and stared at Byakko in confusion until the dampness underneath him finally attracted his attention. Rising to his feet and brushing at the bits of mud and grass that clung to his robes, Rikugo asked, “Why don’t we go somewhere else to finish our talk?”

 

Byakko was about to protest that he wasn’t in the mood to talk when he took in the astrologer’s appearance. The usually fastidious man was struggling with once white robes that were now filthy from nature’s generous hands. When Rikugo misinterpreted his stifled laughter as a nod of agreement, Byakko didn’t have the heart to say no. Getting to his feet, he said a final goodbye to his parents and retrieved his bag from the far side of the walkway where he’d left it.

 

As they left the quiet surroundings and wandered back toward the city, Rikugo asked, “So, where would you like to go?”

 

Byakko scuffed his feet on the ground as he walked and wondered about it himself. In his haste to flee his own home, he hadn’t given much thought to where he would go. He had responded to his fear of the herb that had so devastated his life by simply trying to put as much distance between it and himself as he could manage.

 

“Byakko,” Rikugo put his hands on Byakko’s shoulders and stopped him. “Honestly, where is it that you most want to be right now?”

 

“I want to go home, Rikugo, but…” Byakko’s voice trailed off in sadness.

 

“It’s not there,” Rikugo stated plainly. “It’s the bottle that has you concerned, yes?”

 

Byakko’s head snapped up and he looked Rikugo in the eye.

 

“Touda brought it with him when he came to see me. He thought you might be unwilling to return home if it was still there, so he has removed it.” Rikugo softened his voice before adding, “He loves you very much, you know.”

 

Byakko nodded. “I know he does. It’s kinda scary sometimes just how much he does love me. I love him too, but I wonder right now if that’s enough to make up for everything.”

 

This time Rikugo did put his arms around Byakko and the tiger dropped his bag and hugged him back fervently. “Don’t borrow trouble, Byakko. You have a problem that’s weighing on your mind and your confusion and depression is coloring your perceptions of everything else. Just take things one step at a time.” Grabbing Byakko’s shoulders, he pushed the other a short distance away and looked him sharply in the eyes. “You don’t have to solve everything in one night, you know?” Rikugo softened his advice with a smile then and bent to retrieve Byakko’s bag. “Let’s get you home now.”

 

Byakko lead the way back to the house and walked into his bedroom suite with Rikugo close behind. The room looked just the way he’d left it, fire blazing and clothes strewn everywhere.   The only thing missing from the room was Touda, and the room felt cold and empty without his lover’s presence. What little peace of mind he’d found at his parents’ grave and after speaking with Rikugo was wiped out in the face of that sterile room and he turned back to the doorway. “I can’t stay here,” Byakko stated, choking back tears. “I know there’s no fire downstairs, but would you mind talking there? I just don’t think I can stay up here right now.”

 

Rikugo walked into the room long enough to put the bag down on the bed and then urged Byakko out of the suite, closing the door behind them. “A fire is an easy enough thing to start and the parlor will be warm soon enough. Maybe we can even get some tea to help drive away the chill.”

 

Rikugo sat Byakko down on one of the large sofas in the parlor and went off to find the servants. Minutes later, the men were sharing a pot of steaming tea and a fire was blazing away on the hearth. “Better?” Rikugo asked.

 

Byakko nodded and put his cup down onto the small table in front of him. “Now we get to the part where you tell me how silly I’m being and talk me into trying Watari’s treatment, right?”

 

Rikugo turned and looked at his companion. “Is that what you think?”

 

“You talked to Touda and now you’ve come to find me. What else could it be?” Byakko stared into the fire and thought of how cold he felt without his fire serpent. “You said earlier that we were fighting, but that’s not really true. I ran out of here. I never let him talk. How can you fight if you’re never allowed to say anything? I never gave him a chance to talk and I know I should have, but I just couldn’t stay.” Byakko sighed. “He must be furious with me.”

 

“He’s not angry with you, Byakko. He’s scared and worried for you. He sent me to look for you, yes, but not to convince you of anything. He just wanted someone to make certain that you were alright.” Rikugo took a sip of his tea and put the cup back onto its saucer. “Even if Touda had wanted me to convince you that he was right, he would know better than to ask. We dragons are notoriously headstrong creatures with our own opinions and we don’t like to take advice or points of view from anyone.” Rikugo gave Byakko a small nudge in the ribs and the two shared a small smile.

 

“I didn’t handle it very well,” Byakko admitted quietly.

 

“No, you didn’t,” Rikugo agreed, “but I can understand your reaction and I think Touda does as well. I’ve heard what Touda has had to say about the treatment and I believe that Watari’s reasoning is quite sound. However, I can also understand your feelings as well. It’s fine for someone else to look at you and say, ‘try this’, but it is your life and you are the one they are asking to take a leap of faith. Your experiences with this substance are your own. No one can truly understand the fear you feel from what you’ve been through. You are cautious and suspicious and that’s not a bad thing. You should investigate this thoroughly and take the treatment only if and when you are satisfied that it is the right thing to do, no matter what anyone else says.”

 

“So, it’s okay for me to say no?” Byakko’s voice was timid and unsure.

 

“It’s alright for you to say no. For your own sake, I think you should understand why it is that you want to say no, but yes, you can make whatever decision you think is best.” Rikugo voice was steady and his eyes sincere as he spoke and then turned curious. “Why would you think that you couldn’t?”

 

Byakko squirmed on his seat a little and shifted his eyes away from his companion. “I feel like I owe it to Touda to get over this. I put him through so much and he hasn’t asked me for anything. When this idea came up, I thought it would be a great way to sort of make it up to him, you know? I thought making sure it couldn’t happen again would be a way for us to put it behind us for good. Then, it turned out to be the same stuff that caused the problem, and I… I freaked out.”

 

“Is he pressuring you in some way?” Rikugo asked.

 

Byakko shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. I mean, we didn’t really get around to talking enough for him to have said much of anything. I was trying to grab the bottle away from him back in Meifu before I knew what it was and he had to tell me to be careful because it had catnip in it. I don’t think I said two words to him the rest of the time we were with Hisoka and Tsuzuki. Once we came back home, he tried to talk to me about it again and that’s when I ran away.”

 

“It sounds to me as though the two of you have a great many things to discuss, starting with why you want to fix this problem. Your devotion to your lover is laudable, Byakko, but this is the sort of thing you need to want to do for yourself. You can make the decision as a couple and wanting to do it for the benefit of both of you can be part of your reasoning, but in the long run, this has to be something you want to do for you. You are frightened, and with good reason, but if the idea doesn’t come from you, you will never find the courage to face it, to stand up and fight it. I want good things for you, Hisoka and Tsuzuki and Watari want good things for you; Touda wants good things for you. In the end, however, only you can decide if the answers that are being offered to you are the best for you. It is your life and your choice.”

 

Rikugo paused then to sip his tea and watched as Byakko sunk into the sofa cushions, deep in thought. The wind god was quiet, but it wasn’t the sad quiet of before, it was a thoughtful quiet and he allowed his former student to ponder his words. Byakko fidgeted a little, sipped his tea, and stared into the fire, yet remained quiet for fifteen minutes. Rikugo wondered to himself if he’d ever seen the tiger remain silent for that long when he was a student and chuckled softly as he was unable to recall a single occasion. It wasn’t in Byakko’s nature to be solitary, silent, or inactive. That, however, did not mean that he was foolish or careless as many people assumed. His friends knew that well and his enemies learned it just before they died. It was the rare occasion though, that called for this much meditation from the Protector of the West and it spoke of the gravity of his troubles. When Byakko finally turned back to face Rikugo, there was determination and certainty in his eyes. He had made a decision.

 

“May I come back with you to your place?” Byakko asked.

 

Rikugo was taken slightly aback. It wasn’t what he’d expected to hear. “Well, of course, my boy, you’re always welcome, but why would you want to come over now?”

 

“I need to see Touda. I need to talk to him if he’s still willing to. At the very least, I need to apologize for running away.”

 

“Byakko, Touda isn’t at my home,” Rikugo responded.

 

“I don’t understand,” Byakko replied with confusion. “I saw him go into your place. He sent you to find me.”

 

“Yes, he did, but he wouldn’t wait there for me. He was concerned that you should have a place to go to where you felt comfortable, be it in your own home or mine, and was convinced you wouldn’t return if he was in either place, or the city for that matter,” the astrologer added, remembering the conversation. “I believe that he intended to return to his old home outside the city.

 

Byakko’s eyes opened wide and he shot out of his seat. “He left? He went out there, alone?” Byakko turned toward the door and back again before forcing himself to sit down. Even then, the god’s left leg twitched and his knee bounced up and down from the rapid fidgeting of his foot.

 

“Byakko!” Rikugo spoke forcefully as he clapped a hand over the bouncing knee.

 

Byakko dutifully froze and looked abashed, but immediately began gnawing at his bottom lip and twisting and pulling at his fingers.

 

Rikugo sighed and put aside his tea cup to stand from the sofa. “Go,” he ordered. “I’ll let the servants know that I’m leaving and I’ll have them lock up behind me. Just promise me that the two of you will talk this out, no more running away. Alright?”

 

Byakko launched himself at Rikugo and nearly knocked the taller man down as he hugged him fiercely. “Thank you, Rikugo. I will, I promise. You’re the best.” The words barely off of his lips, Byakko detached himself from his friend and tore off out the front door, running down the streets of GenSouKai and off to find Touda.

 

Rikugo watched as the white blur left the room and followed at a more sedate pace. _‘Young love,’_ he thought to himself chuckling before remembering that sometimes old love could be just as impetuous and unwise. With a wistful look up at the night sky, Rikugo turned away from the lights of his own home and directed his thoughts and steps toward a different destination, where the twinkling lights came from candles instead of stars.

 


	18. The Road Less Travelled is Sweet

**Chapter Eighteen:**

 

 

Byakko cursed at the vines and branches that grabbed at his legs and slowed him down. He felt certain that he wasn’t lost, he been to the little cabin with Touda many times, but in his haste to flee the house, he’d forgotten to bring a lantern to light the way and every root, vine, and weed in GenSouKai seemed determined to hamper his progress.

 

“Damn it,” he shouted into the night air as he fell for the third time. “Stupid cat,” Byakko chastised himself, “you’re supposed to be able to see in the dark.”

 

A distant voice called through the dense bushes, “You should know better than anyone that cats don’t see in the dark, Byakko. You’re just very good in very low light.”

 

“Touda,” Byakko whispered quietly and then smiled. _‘Good, I wasn’t totally lost after all. I thought I was close, but then I got turned around at the last bush.’_ Struggling to stand and realizing that his shirt was caught on a branch, he called out to his lover. “Well, then, assuming that you have some light with you, why don’t you come over here and help me get out of this tiger eating bush you’ve installed on your land.”

 

The sound of Touda’s laughter floated on the wind and eventually a small light peeked through the leaves to where Byakko still sat on the ground. The playful cheer turned to stifled chuckles when Touda reached his lover’s side and saw his predicament.

 

“I’m sorry,” Touda said while biting to lip to hold in his amusement. “It’s been a while since I cleared the brush around the house. I come out once in a while to check on the cabin, but I didn’t really think about the area around the path. It’s gotten very thick, hasn’t it?” As he spoke, Touda reached forward and tried to help Byakko unsnag his shirt sleeve and pants from the briars he was caught on. The light also illuminated a host of purple spots now covering Byakko’s white outfit.

 

“Ugh,” Byakko groaned. “It was a berry bush? What a waste of good fruit.”

 

Touda laughed again. _‘That’s my Byakko. Most people would be bitching about their outfit being stained and torn and all you care about is getting loose and having squashed the fruit.’_

 

Finally free from his organic prison, Byakko looked up at Touda’s dimly lit face. “Mind if I stop by for a visit?”

 

In silent reply, Touda lifted the lantern and gestured back to the proper path. Byakko reached for Touda’s free hand, took it in his own with a small squeeze and then allowed his lover to lead the way.

 

Byakko had indeed been close and now that the two men were back on the path, the wind god could see the lights from Touda’s open doorway helping to light their way.

 

“Come in,” Touda invited as they reached the door to the small one room cabin. “I don’t know what I have around here for you to change into, but there must be something.” Touda removed a few items from the top of a trunk that doubled as both table and storage in the room and searched for some clean clothing inside. He produced an overly large black shirt and a well worn pair of drawstring pants from his leaner days. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not much.”

 

Byakko reached up on tiptoe and stopped the apologetic flow of words with a kiss. “It’s fine, Touda. I’m very grateful for anything clean and dry right now since I’m apparently too clumsy to stay on my feet.”

 

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Touda started to say as Byakko removed first his shirt and then his pants. Whatever else Touda might have wanted to add was halted by the sight of his lover undressed in his home.

 

Byakko’s head popped through the neck hole of the shirt and he began to put his arms through the long sleeves before he replied. “I, uh, I wanted to apologize for earlier.” Giving up on fixing the collar that was stuck half in and half out of the shirt for the moment, Byakko reached for the pants and continued. “I’m really sorry that I freaked out at the house. You’re just trying to help me.” The sleeves of Touda’s shirt fell over Byakko’s hands and he struggled with trying to pull up the pants at the same time as trying to get the cuffs out of his way. Finally getting hold of the drawstring with two fingers, Byakko shimmied his hips, trying to get into and stay in the pants while freeing a hand, pushing up the sleeve by rubbing it against the side of his chest. “I should have listened to what you were saying.” One sleeve now far enough back to expose his hand, Byakko hunched over to transfer the laces over from his fingers and ended up hopping from foot to foot to keep his balance. “You were only trying to explain to me what Watari had said.” With only one hand free, Byakko tried to repeat the procedure he’d used on his sleeve with the other arm, but the pants started to slide down his hips again. “I was unfair to you and I’m sorry.” With one last heroic attempt, Byakko twisted to stand upright, and tripped over the trailing hems of the pants falling right into Touda’s arms.

 

“Gotcha,” Touda said as he caught his off balance lover. “Maybe you’d better let me do that for you,” Touda offered as he batted away Byakko’s hands and did up the ties on the pants and rolled up the overly long shirt sleeves. Finally fixing the collar on the shirt, Touda leaned forward and softly kissed Byakko’s lips. “I’m sorry you felt so betrayed. The pain in your eyes hurt much more than anything you said. I’m not angry, Byakko. I was just very worried about you. The way you were talking…”

 

“I know,” Byakko interrupted. “Can we sit down?”

 

Touda nodded and walked them over to his old futon. The mattress was barely thicker than a good blanket and the fabric was nearly transparent with years of wear; it hadn’t even been new when he’d found it and brought it back to his ‘home’ and now it seemed ancient.

 

Slightly more comfortable, Byakko crossed his legs and faced his lover. “I won’t say you don’t understand, because you do. You understand what I’m feeling, the panic over the loss of control, the anguish over hurting people that you love, better than anyone else in the world except maybe Tsuzuki. The two of you handle it so much better than I do. I feel like a spoiled child when I compare my problems to yours, and yet it feels so frightening and overwhelming to me. I should have talked to you. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn’t be in the same room with that bottle. Somehow, I just fixated on it. It was the source of everything that was wrong, distilled down into one tiny little object. It’s nuts, I know. Watari is too nice and too smart to send me home with something like that, but at that moment, that was all I could think.” Byakko paused and looked into Touda’s eyes. “Am I making any sense here?”

 

Touda nodded and then asked quietly, “You know that it’s here with me now, right?”

 

Byakko answered softly, “I figured.” Eyes shifting around the room, Byakko couldn’t spot the bottle. Touda had obviously put it away somewhere.

 

“Do you want to know where it is?” Touda asked, following the movement of Byakko’s eyes.

 

Byakko stopped searching and looked back at Touda. Smiling gently, he answered, “No, it’s okay. I’m sure you put it somewhere safe. For now, I’d just like to talk, if that’s okay?”

 

Touda sat back on the futon, his back against the wall and extended one arm in silent invitation. Byakko crawled across the bed and snuggled under his lover’s arm. The men were quiet for a time, enjoying being together once again before Touda spoke.

 

“What would you like to talk about?” he asked.

 

“I thought maybe you could explain what Watari told you when he gave you the bottle.” Byakko sat up and moved out of Touda’s embrace to look his partner in the eye. “I mean, I can’t really make a proper decision one way or another without knowing all the facts, right?”

 

Touda nodded his head and pulled Byakko back against himself, hugging his lover tightly. “You’re amazing,” Touda said quietly before he kissed Byakko lightly on the forehead.

 

“Huh,” Byakko grunted in confusion as he twisted his body to try to see Touda’s face. Touda maintained his grip though and eventually Byakko relaxed against his partner once again. “I don’t get it,” he finally voiced.

 

 _‘Of course you don’t,’_ Touda thought, _‘you’re as modest as you are brave.’_ “It’s nothing,” he said aloud. “Watari came to the conclusion that the reaction that you experience when you’re exposed to catnip is a sensitivity.”

 

“Well, duh,” Byakko observed sarcastically.

 

Touda gave his lover a pointed look and Byakko quieted down. “He decided that it was a sensitivity as opposed to, say, an allergy. You don’t really have an abnormal reaction to catnip, just a heightened one. I think it’s much like the way some people react faster to alcohol. They are still drunk, but it takes much less alcohol to make them that way than their peers.”

 

“Okay, that sort of makes sense, but I go completely nuts. That isn’t normal in cat shiki,” Byakko protested.

 

“You have extreme reactions to it, Byakko, but I don’t know that I’d say any one action is that out of the ordinary. In hindsight, it also sounds to me as though your reactions are becoming less wild over time and you are remaining more and more in control of yourself. That would also argue in favor of Watari’s theory. If you had an allergy, it should be getting worse, not better.”

 

“You think attacking you is better than leveling a city block? Cause I don’t!” Byakko’s voice rose in annoyance, but he calmed himself before continuing. “I didn’t hurt Suzaku and I hurt you. I don’t think that’s an improvement, Touda.”

 

“You’re just looking at the aftermath, Byakko. I’m talking about your actions and reactions as they were observed by others while you were drugged. You become less extreme with each exposure. You were positively playful while we were still on Earth. You didn’t hurt Tsuzuki at all and you were standing right on top of him. I really think Watari’s hypothesis has merit.”

 

Byakko considered Touda’s words for several minutes. “Okay, assuming that I buy this argument, I’m not saying I do, but assuming that I did, what’s this got to do with the bottle of catnip?”

 

“It’s not a bottle full of catnip. It’s a precisely concentrated extract. Watari analyzed your responses and the quantities you’ve been exposed to and made, essentially, a weak catnip tea. When you are feeling relaxed and safe, we would try it, just a drop at a time until you showed a low level reaction. As you become accustomed to each new level, the dose or strength is increased and you build up a tolerance. Watari warned that you would probably never be able to stand large exposure without a reaction, but a tolerance would help you maintain control and mitigate the response.”

 

Byakko became quiet and snuggled deeper into the curve of Touda’s body. He was curious about what he’d heard, but not afraid. “I admit that the first two times it happened; there was a whole lotta catnip. Those guys had completely filled my pillowcase and Suzaku threw me into a whole patch of it. What about this last time, though? There wasn’t really even any catnip there? I just thought it was a catnip mouse.” Byakko wanted to believe that there was a solution to his problem, but he still had reservations.

 

“I don’t really know,” Touda answered honestly. “Maybe Rikugo could answer that for us. It might be because you believed it so strongly and since the effect was directly on your mind instead of through your body, it reacted as it expected it should.” When Byakko didn’t answer, Touda looked down at his partner. Byakko was snuggled under his arm and deep in thought.

 

The minutes passed by and Touda slipped into a light doze as he waited for Byakko to think over what he’d said. Byakko’s reaction, when it came, startled him awake rather abruptly.

 

“Okay,” Byakko said, sitting up quickly.

 

“Okay? Okay, what?” Touda looked at Byakko in confusion.

 

“Okay, we should give it a try. Just one drop though, alright?”

 

“Just like that?” Touda asked in disbelief. “You don’t have to decide tonight, you know. We could go visit Watari again, ask him more questions. You could take a couple of days, heck, a couple of weeks to think it over if you need to.”

 

“I know,” Byakko answered. “I could take years thinking about it and never actually get around to doing it. I have the answers that I think I need right now. Anything more is probably just stalling on my part. At some point, the fear becomes a bigger problem than the catnip, you know? I’m tired of letting some dumb ass plant run my life and make me fight with you.”

 

“I understand what you’re saying, Byakko, but why tonight?”

 

“Why not? We’re already clear out here away from town. If something goes wrong, there’s no one here but you and I. The only thing I’d ask is that you promise me, if something goes wrong, you’ll clear out. That’s my only condition, but it’s non-negotiable.” Byakko looked intently at Touda.

 

Touda read the seriousness in Byakko’s eyes and nodded his head. He understood now what happened and how it could affect both of them. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. “I promise. I won’t go far, but I will leave if you turn violent.”

 

Byakko was about to push the issue, but finally decided that it was enough. He would have to trust Touda to know how far away was far enough. They understood each other now and he had always trusted Touda from the time they first got together. The promise he had made would have to do. “Okay,” he said softly. “Now what?”

 

Touda stood up and moved across the room to a small wooden box. Opening the lid, he took out the bottle and held it up. “If you’re really worried about it, maybe I should open this outside and put the single drop onto something else besides your hand. It’s the scent after all, and an open bottle in such a small room might skew the results.”

 

Byakko’s nervous smile brightened. “Sounds good,” he said with enthusiasm. As Touda turned to walk out the door of the small, wooden shack, Byakko stopped him. “Touda,” he said softly, eyes turned down to look more at Touda’s chest than his face. “Thank you for… well, for all of this. You’ve been really patient and understanding through this whole mess, and I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it. You really are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Byakko peeked up at Touda’s face from beneath his lashes and tried to gauge his partner’s reaction without looking directly at him.

 

Touda stopped in the doorway and turned around. Walking back to Byakko, he leaned over and pressed his lips gently over Byakko’s. After a moment, he pulled away slightly and said with assurance, “I love you, too, Byakko, just as you are. You are mine and I am yours and we will meet every day together, no matter what they bring.” Touda’s eyes were serious and he met Byakko’s without blinking. With one final kiss, Touda turned around and walked through the door, closing it behind him.

 

Byakko stood in the room and touched his fingers lightly over his lips where Touda’s warmth still lingered. A shiver ran through the tiger’s body at the thought of his warm and caring lover. So many people thought of Touda as cold and emotionless, but that was simply how the snake had guarded his feelings from the pain the years had brought him. The truth was so very different and Byakko felt blessed to have seen that side of the man and become first his friend and then his partner. His hopes bolstered by the love and faith of Touda, Byakko thought, _‘It’s gonna be okay. Whatever happens next, whether this works or not, we’ll be okay, and that’s all that matters.’_

 

The door opened and Touda stepped back inside, quickly replacing the small bottle in its wooden chest. Touda paused for a moment before turning around and sent up a small, silent prayer that this wasn’t a huge mistake. He couldn’t smell the small drop of the preparation that he’d placed on his shirt front, but he had no doubt that Byakko would find it and react to it. A small shiver of fear ran through Touda as memories flooded his mind and then he quickly clamped down on them. _‘No,’_ he said to himself, _‘it won’t be like that. It will be different. It will be fine. I have to believe that for both of us.’_

 

Fighting the fear, Touda turned around and walked over to his partner, grabbing Byakko and hugging him to his chest. Within seconds, Byakko’s body became less tense and Touda heard soft purring sounds. Byakko rubbed his face over the front of Touda’s shirt while Touda petted his head and soothed a hand down his back. Byakko remained where he was and returned the hug; content, it seemed, to just hold and be held.

 

Curiosity finally too much, Touda broke down and asked softly, “How are you doing?”

 

Byakko loosened his hold on Touda and peeked up at his partner. “Actually,” he answered with a glossy-eyed grin, “I’m really hungry, but you smell so darn good, I just don’t wanna let go.”

 

Touda laughed, as much with relief as at the notion of Byakko having the munchies. “I’m sorry, love. I don’t really keep much on hand out here. Since I come out so seldom, most things would spoil between visits.”

 

Byakko bounced on the balls of his feet enthusiastically. “Cookies, do you have any cookies? Cookies wouldn’t spoil. They’d keep for a really long time. I’d love some cookies. Do you have any?”

 

The small bundle of energy finally detached himself from Touda and began a systematic search of the cottage. Touda looked on as Byakko looked everywhere, even under the futon and cushions in a wild attempt to find something to eat. With a crow of triumph, Byakko finally emerged from a crate he’d half crawled into and held up a small box of saltines.

 

“It’s not cookies, but these are good too,” the tiger remarked as he bounced back over to Touda and pulled him along to the bed. “Snacks and snakes, snacks and snakes,” the singsong chant fell from Byakko’s lips with joy as he bounced along.

 

Touda allowed himself to be dragged along in the whirlwind and laid down on the futon, head propped on a pair of pillows, as directed. Byakko threw himself down at Touda’s side and snuggled into Touda’s chest on the side where Touda had left the catnip infused liquid.

 

Grabbing his crackers and munching as he snuggled, Byakko purred and burrowed deeper into Touda’s lap. “Mmm, you smell so good. These crackers are tasty. Still wish you had had some cookies, but they’re good too. Gosh, you smell good.”

 

Touda tried not to laugh because when he did, it just distributed the mass of crumbs further into his clothes and the bed. Byakko was trying to eat, talk, and snuggle all at the same time and the crumbs were flying everywhere. Eventually though, Byakko finished the crackers and yawned as the day caught up to him. Still sprawled half on and over Touda, Byakko squirmed and settled down to sleep, purring softly. Touda closed his eyes and held his partner tight, enjoying the rumble of Byakko’s purrs over his chest. As he tried to get more comfortably arranged to fall asleep himself though, bits of crumbs poked at his skin and he was reminded of the old Earth saying and repeated it to himself. _‘I love him so much; I let him eat crackers in my bed. Oh man, snake, you really do have it bad.’_

 


	19. Patience is not always a Virtue

**Chapter Nineteen:**

 

 

Byakko yawned and rolled over onto his back. His cheek was warm where it had rested on Touda’s chest and he immediately missed the toasty body that had been next to and under him. His back, however, was creaky from being in one position all night and the urge to stretch was too much to fight off. Opening his eyes, Byakko looked up at the ceiling of Touda’s small hut and watched the dust dance in the thin rays of light that peeked in through the shuttered windows. The view was pretty, if poignant, but the peaceful silence alerted him to the fact that Touda was awake as well.

 

“Sleep well,” Touda asked, his deep voice even more gravelly than usual from the disuse that comes after a long slumber.

 

“Like a log,” Byakko answered quickly. “How ‘bout you?” Natural curiosity made Byakko drop his head to the side and he stared at Touda’s face in the dim light.

 

“Well,” Touda began as he struggled to sit up. “My arm is numb and I have cracker crumbs in places I’d rather not think about, but once I get a shower and change of clothes, I’m sure my mood will improve.”

 

Byakko gave an embarrassed chuckle as he recalled the night’s events. “Umm, yeah, but how did you sleep?”

 

Touda turned exhausted golden eyes towards his partner and blinked twice. “Not well, but I’ll live,” he finally answered, too tired to do anything but tell the truth.

 

Byakko sat up on his knees and readjusted his oversized clothing, rolling back sleeves and retying the cord on his pants both of which had worked loose overnight. “Sounds like you need a nap as much as breakfast.” Satisfied with his adjustments, Byakko sprang to his feet and extended a hand to his weary lover. “Come on. We’ll go home and grab some breakfast and a shower. I’ll go into the office for a while and you can take a nap.”

 

“I can’t take a nap, Byakko,” Touda muttered as he gained his feet unsteadily. “I’ve missed close to three days already. If I’m away much longer, Sohryu will have my head.”

 

“Aww, he won’t be that…” Byakko stopped himself in mid sentence and looked at Touda’s doubting expression. “Okay, you’re right,” he relented, “Sohryu really is that grumpy. If I brought your lunch to the office, though, you could eat while you work and then nap through the break time.”

 

Touda looked at the contrite and hopeful expressions warring on his lover’s face and pulled him into a hug. “You’re too cute for my own good. Stop making that face, silly, I’ll be fine. I’ll just turn in extra early tonight and by tomorrow we’ll all be back on schedule again.”

 

“Okay.” Byakko returned the hug with a big squeeze and then broke away to retrieve and bundle up his original outfit which had been dirtied during the berry bush incident. “Ready to go?” he asked once he’d finished.

 

Touda straightened his clothing and started to follow Byakko to the door. “Just one question,” he asked, pausing in the doorway. “The bottle, do we take it with us or should I leave it here?”

 

Byakko turned to face Touda and bit his lip while he considered his response. “Well,” he finally started, “I guess they do say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? So, maybe we should take it with us… just so that we know where it is, you know.”

 

Touda nodded and went to retrieve the bottle. He understood what Byakko was saying and what he wasn’t saying. It was a powerful drug, not something to leave lying around unattended. Most people had no clue about Byakko’s weakness, but it wouldn’t do to have an enemy figure it out by discovering an untended bottle. By offering to bring it along, though, Byakko was also tacitly agreeing that the treatment wasn’t as bad as he had feared and that it might have merit. Touda thought he might be able to talk Byakko into a second attempt sometime in the future without much in the way of arm twisting or tears. Tucking the bottle carefully back into his pocket, Touda reached out and took Byakko’s hand and together they walked back through the woods to the city.

 

***

 

_Three weeks later in Touda’s office at Tenkuu…_

 

“Time to go home!” Byakko burst into Touda’s office without knocking and announced the end of the work day in a loud voice.

 

Touda sighed and picked up the papers he’d scattered when the sudden intrusion startled him. “I can’t go just yet, Byakko. I have to finish this report for Sohryu.” Things had finally started to really improve between him and the other members of the staff now that his full pardon was general knowledge, but Touda often felt as though he needed to prove his worth as much as his innocence and so he routinely worked longer hours than any of his colleagues save Sohryu. Lately, however, Touda had been spending even more time than usual, saying that he was trying to make up for lost time and keep up with the palace’s hectic schedule.   Sohryu knew all the facts, good and bad, of both his long past and more recent events, and yet Touda felt the need to prove to his leader over and over that he could indeed be trusted again.

 

“Touda, everyone has gone home for the night, including Sohryu.” Byakko tapped his foot impatiently. “Whatever it is, Sohryu at least thinks it can wait until morning. Please come home.” Batting large red eyes, Byakko put on his best pleading face and waited for Touda’s reaction.

 

Touda felt rather than saw his partner’s pleading stare and focused intently on his paperwork. _‘If I look up, I’m doomed,’_ he thought. _‘Just keep working; just keep writing, just…’_ Touda’s traitorous eyes looked up from under his lashes and glimpsed Byakko’s entreating face just seconds before he banged his forehead against the desk. “Damn,” he said aloud.

 

Byakko tried not to gloat despite thinking that he’d won, until he Touda’s face popped back up wearing a pleading expression of his own and Byakko’s restrained grin turned to a pout.

 

“Look, I know I’ve been really bad about getting home early enough to spend time with you, but Sohryu really does want this on his desk first thing in the morning. It won’t take me much longer, I promise. I just need a little more time.” Touda’s voice sounded as tired as he looked. He was working too hard and they both knew it.

 

Byakko looked at his exhausted lover and sighed. _‘If I drag him out of here now, he’ll just spend the evening worrying about the damn report and he still won’t get any rest.’_ Compromise was never one of Byakko’s strong suits, but the wind god made his best attempt. “Alright, snake, you’ve got half an hour. I’m going to go home and get things ready. If you aren’t walking through the front door by then, I’m gonna come back here and you don’t want to know what I’m gonna do. I have definite plans for the evening and if I don’t get Plan A, there will be a Plan B and it will involve Sohryu’s desk. You get my drift?”

 

The blood rushed out of Touda’s face leaving him pale as a ghost and his mouth fell open. Speechless in the face of Byakko’s suggestive threat and merciless determination, Touda nodded silently.

 

“Good, we’re agreed then. See you in half an hour.” Byakko paused to give a devilish look over his shoulder on his way out. “Don’t be late.”

 

The door closed behind his lover and Touda continued to stare at it for a moment, caught somewhere in-between horror and excitement at the thought of what Byakko might have planned. It had been a difficult month for the two. Up to now, Byakko had been more than patient with Touda’s shy behavior and late hours and hadn’t questioned him about it. Memories of Celingan Rocks persisted though, and while the two had kissed and fondled and petted one another, they had not engaged in intercourse since that horrible day. It wasn’t that Touda didn’t want Byakko, some days he was hard pressed to hold himself back, and yet he still hesitated for reasons he couldn’t express even to himself. _‘Byakko’s shown remarkable courage and resilience through all this and I know that he loves me. He has been so understanding with me, but he shouldn’t need to. I should be there for him. I ought to show him how much I love him._ ’

 

Once again, Touda’s mind wandered off at the idea of what it might be that his lover had planned. Suddenly realizing that his allotted time was quickly ticking away, Touda picked up his errant pen and refocused on his report. The sooner he was done, the sooner he could go home and could satisfy his curiosity. Besides, Touda had the distinct impression that the alternative, while it might be pleasant for a few minutes, would ultimately get him fired, or worse. “Sohryu’s desk?” Touda wondered aloud before giving a shiver.

 

Twenty seven minutes later, Touda found himself racing through the halls of Tenkuu, first to Sohryu’s office and his inbox and then toward the main doors. Running through the streets of GenSouKai, Touda arrived at the entrance to their home just as Byakko was coming out. “You’re late,” the tiger criticized.

 

“No… I’m not…” Touda panted out between gulps of air. “I’m right… on time.” Pasting a smile on his sweat covered face, Touda urged his lover back into the house and up the stairs. When he finally had his breathing under control, he asked, “So what are these big plans you have for the evening?”

 

Byakko flung open the door to their suite and called out, “Tada!”

 

The pillows from the bed and chairs were tossed onto the floor and the furniture had been moved back to make a small campsite in front of the TV. An assortment of discs sat amongst the provisions of sandwiches, sodas, and junk food.

 

“Movie night, huh?” Touda guessed. It had been more than a month since their last movie night and truth be told Touda missed the occasions almost as much as Byakko did. He didn’t have the same sweet tooth for chocolate or appetite for popcorn as his lover, but it was fun every once in a while to indulge and nothing beat snuggling with his lover when the tiger was content and purring.

 

“Yep, but you were late so I don’t think you get to pick first. I’ll find something good while you grab a shower.” Byakko pinched his nose and waved at Touda with his other hand. “I don’t feel like snuggling up to a sticky, stinky snake this evening.”

 

“Oh really,” Touda asked in a playfully mocking tone before grabbing Byakko in a bear hug. “Are you sure?”

 

Byakko twisted and wriggled in his lover’s tight embrace. “Ick! Touda get off me!” Finally free, Byakko looked at his wrinkled and now slightly damp shirt and tugged at it. “That is so gross. Now I’m gonna have to change too. Get in that shower already.”

 

Touda chuckled as he gathered up clean, comfortable clothing to change into and headed for the bathroom. Just before walking in, Touda turned around and looked at Byakko fussing with the food and looking through the stack of discs that had been a gift from Tsuzuki. “Thank you, Byakko,” he said quietly and then closed the bathroom door.

 

Byakko kept looking at the movie titles and pretended not to hear the soft comment. His ears had picked it up though and the Protector of the West silently celebrated his small victory. He was responsible for one quarter of GenSouKai’s population, but that task sometimes seemed effortless in comparison to the care and nurture of his own partner and their relationship.

 

Setting the small pile of DVD’s aside, Byakko bit his bottom lip and pondered an idea he’d been toying with for most of the day. Finally making up his mind, Byakko wandered over to the dresser and pulled out the wooden box that held the small vial of catnip extract. Penning a quick note, he quietly opened the bathroom door and placed both box and note on the counter next to Touda’s clothing. Byakko paused for a moment to smile at his lover’s naked outline, just visible through the frosty glass shower door, but then ducked back out into the main room before all the warmth escaped.

 

Leaning against the closed bathroom door, Byakko stared at the ceiling and tried not to second guess his decision. Nothing had gone wrong the first time they’d tried the treatment, outside of a bad case of bed crumbs. It was time to step up the dose to two drops and he trusted that Touda would be able to handle things should his response be drastically different. The first experience, though, had given Byakko a lot of hope. In addition to the reaction being so minor, he’d also been able to recall all the events the next day with perfect clarity. It was far different than what he’d experienced during his accidental exposures. _‘If Watari is right…’_ Byakko made a mental note to buy the scientist a nice present and take it along the next time he visited with Tsuzuki in Meifu.

 

***

 

Touda stepped out of the shower and reached for a fluffy, white towel where it hung nearby. There were many nice things about being out of prison. _‘Actually, everything about being out of prison is nice,’_ Touda thought, _‘but the nicest of all after having found Byakko has got to be this shower.’_

Running the soft white cloth over his skin and hair, Touda relaxed and enjoyed the rejuvenating effects of something as simple as soap and water. Byakko often teased the fire shiki about being so fond of water, but it had been a rare luxury in prison to get so much as a large bowl of water to use for a makeshift sponge bath once a week.

 

His years in Tenkuu had been hell. It was an experience he tried to put behind him though and so he could never explain his appreciation for Byakko’s multi head, massaging shower jets without explaining his past and Touda had no desire to see the sadness in Byakko’s eyes that he knew that tale would bring. It was enough to luxuriate in it and share his thankful joy with his happy lover.

 

Hanging the damp towel back in its place on the bar, Touda walked over to the counter where he’d left his clothing and immediately saw the box and Byakko’s note. It was hastily penned, but unmistakably his lover’s flowing hand, ‘Touda, Two drops only, same terms as before. Love you, Byakko.’

 

Touda’s eyes went wide as he read and reread the note. Byakko was upping the ante to two drops despite their first attempt having only been three weeks earlier. It had gone so well, it had obviously encouraged the tiger shiki and made him courageous enough to take another step forward.

 

Touda smiled. Byakko was always full of surprises and tonight was no exception. _‘At least being movie night,’_ Touda thought, _‘we’ll have plenty of snacks on hand.’_

 

Donning his soft cotton loungewear, Touda applied one drop of the formula to each of his wrists, rubbed them together until it dried on his skin, and then carefully recapped the bottle and returned it to its box. Walking quietly out of the bathroom, Touda replaced the box in his dresser drawer and walked over to where Byakko was sprawled on the floor in a nest of cushions, munching on roast beef, and watching an old Earth musical film about a veterinarian who could actually talk to animals. It was one of Byakko’s favorites and Touda stifled a giggle at his lover who was staring at the screen with rapt attention and mouthing the words along with the actors between bites of food.

 

Grabbing a plate of food of his own, Touda found one cushion that had escaped Byakko’s body and made himself comfortable along the edge of the ‘camp’. It was another fifteen minutes before Byakko put his plate down, content with a full belly, and inched over to where Touda was sitting. Plumping a cushion, Byakko put it on Touda’s leg and laid his head down in Touda’s lap.

 

The two men watched the film in silence, nibbling on food now and then, but always remaining in contact with one another. Byakko held onto Touda’s hands and kept one or the other pulled close around himself.

 

By the time the scene came between the veterinarian and the seal, the pair were lying on the floor with Byakko in front and Touda behind and with his arms around his partner. Byakko always got a little choked up at this part, the veterinarian letting the seal go back to her life despite his love for her. Tonight though, he seemed especially affected and was softly sobbing onto Touda’s arm.

 

Holding his partner a little tighter, Touda kissed Byakko’s hair and whispered, “I love you,” in his ear.

 

Byakko nodded and gripped Touda’s hand tighter, but didn’t respond with words. Burrowing backwards, Byakko tried to push himself closer to his lover and be surrounded by him.

 

Touda looked down at Byakko as best he could from his position plastered along Byakko’s back and wondered if the catnip had been a mistake. Byakko’s emotional response wasn’t dangerous, but his partner seemed excessively sad from a movie that he’d seen dozens of times before.

 

“Are you alright,” Touda asked in a soft whisper. “Should I turn the movie off?”

 

Byakko shook his head from side to side and then twisted to look back over his shoulder. “S’almost done. Happy ending,” he murmured before turning back around to face the screen.

 

In fact, Byakko did seem to calm down when the mood of the movie shifted and before long the movie was over. Rather than hopping up right away to change the disc as he usually would though, Byakko stayed where he was in Touda’s arms.

 

“Do you want me to put something else in?” Touda asked.

 

“No,” Byakko answered softly as he turned in Touda’s embrace. “Just wanna snuggle.”

 

“Would you like to go up on the bed instead of staying here on the floor?” Touda suggested.

 

Byakko shook his shoulders as if to say he didn’t care and held onto Touda even tighter.

 

Touda was baffled at his partner’s strange reaction, but remained where he was for another half hour. Feeling sleepy himself and wanting to clean up the room, Touda tried to move away to reach the remotes and the platters of uneaten food. Byakko clung to Touda like a limpet and refused to be dislodged.

 

Realizing that his lover’s odd behavior was likely being affected by the catnip, Touda decided to try a compromise rather than pushing Byakko too far. Gathering his lover in his arms, Touda stood up and made his way to the bed by way of the bell pull. Ringing for the servants and leaving the door unlocked, Touda continued to the bed and placed his lover in the middle. Byakko grabbed and tugged at him, so Touda was careful to never break contact with his partner. He wasn’t sure what this reaction meant, but it seemed as though Byakko’s mental state was fragile and Touda had no intention of upsetting the wind god.

 

The servants arrived and hurriedly attended to the room, leaving as quietly as they’d arrived. The TV and DVD player now off and the mess cleared away, Touda relaxed onto the bed with Byakko and turned off the remaining light next to him.

 

“Alright,” he asked Byakko quietly in the darkness.

 

“S’okay,” Byakko answered in a whisper. “Just wanna be close to you right now. Hold me?”

 

“I am holding you, Byakko,” Touda answered, concern in his voice.

 

“Wanna feel you,” Byakko responded, his voice pleading and desperate.

 

Touda, not knowing what else to try, worked at removing their clothing and tucked both of them underneath the blankets. Now able to touch each other full length skin to skin, Byakko seemed to relax and purred slightly at the feeling of Touda’s stroking touch as his fingertips ran soothingly up and down the length of Byakko’s back.

 

The intimate contact between the two lovers had a predictable effect and, before long, both men became aroused and erect. Byakko pressed close and rocked slightly against Touda’s leg, but neither man displayed an urgent need to resolve their arousal. There was no all consuming passion, no raging desire to race to completion. Rather, it felt more like a comfortable affection where they were content to hold and be held. If Byakko wanted no more, Touda felt no need to encourage anything either. He responded to Byakko’s gentle thrusts and purrs by simply kissing Byakko’s face and continuing the petting motion across the tiger’s back. Within fifteen minutes, Byakko fell deeply asleep.

 

Rolling onto his back and pulling the sleepy god onto his chest, Touda stared at the ceiling and reflected on the night’s revelations. The different doses were obviously going to affect Byakko in different ways depending on his mood and his outside influences. If they tried for a larger dose in the future, Touda made a mental note to be more aware of their surroundings and sensory input. For now though…

 

“No explosions, no scratches, and no crumbs; I have an armful of sleepy, sexy tiger and the room still stands. I’d say that makes this a very good night.”

 

Giving Byakko one last kiss goodnight over his sleepy brow, Touda closed his eyes and tried to join his partner in sleep. An idea suddenly occurred to him though and Touda’s eyes snapped back open in the darkness. His mind was now fully alert and Touda couldn’t shake the notion that Byakko’s reaction had a lot to do with the distance that he had put between them sexually. Despite his exhaustion from his long hours in the office, Touda’s concern for Byakko and the weight of his guilt kept him up late into the night.

 


	20. Faith, Hope, and Love

**Chapter Twenty:**

 

 

The summons tingled down Touda’s spine and he sat upright in his office chair. Tsuzuki needed him. Following the powerful instinct to protect that comes to shikigami who chose to bind themselves to a master, especially a master as beloved as Tsuzuki was to all of them, Touda shifted without hesitation from GenSouKai to Tsuzuki’s location and changed forms, preparing to fight to the death.

 

Seeing a large, horned demon looming over Tsuzuki, Hisoka, and some human, Touda needed no direction. Lunging at his opponent, Touda bit deeply into the demon’s neck and tried to draw him away from his master and the others. The demon roared in defiance, showing off his dagger like fangs, and long talons grew out of gnarled hands to tear into Touda’s side.

 

Touda twisted his body, still trying to seek a better position, one that would allow him to use his hellfire to finish off the battle quickly, but this demon was no fool and he was well aware of Touda’s attempt to minimize his only leverage in the battle.

 

Tsuzuki looked on as his bonded shikigami took over the battle with the demon, wrestling this way and that, but was confused as to why Touda hadn’t used his ultimate weapon already.

 

“It’s us.” Hisoka’s voice rang out in Tsuzuki’s ears over the crackling sound of the ever weakening structure around them and the deafening roars of the battling opponents. “He can’t fight to his best advantage as long as we’re here and we can’t drop the shields long enough to move without being squashed. We need more help, Tsuzuki.”

 

Closing his eyes, Tsuzuki summoned Byakko and was grateful at the cat’s quick appearance. Byakko took in the situation and quickly blasted the trio an escape route. Free to cover their retreat, Tsuzuki changed the direction of his shield while Hisoka and Byakko got the foolish human who had summoned the demon out of the area and then Tsuzuki followed behind.

 

Now able to fight to his full potential, a bloody Touda screamed his anger to the skies and poured gouts of black flame over the demon. The hapless demon, his advantage lost, screamed in pain and melted in the fire of hell flame. With the danger to his friends now past, Touda retreated to the outside of the building, shifted forms, and collapsed to the ground holding his right side.

 

Dozens of smaller wounds covered Touda’s body such as the raking claw marks that ran across his chest, but there was one vicious bite to his neck and a deep horn puncture through his right side. As the shinigami watched Touda stagger toward them, however, the healing power common to all of them kicked in and most of the wounds began to close. Within minutes, only the ragged bite and bloody puncture remained.

 

Byakko stood to the side and looked on, torn between wanting to rush to his lover and needing to be certain that the danger to his master was over. The human he and Hisoka had rescued stank of demon taint and it was obvious that the young man had summoned the entity on purpose. Byakko had no use for anyone foolish enough or foul enough to traffic in summoning such vile creatures and he watched the human suspiciously while trying to also see Touda’s progress.

 

Tsuzuki raced to Touda’s side and lightly shook the shikigami’s shoulder while trying to take a peek under the remains of Touda’s shredded clothing to check the severity of his injuries.

 

Touda, slightly disoriented from blood loss and exhaustion, managed to smile weakly in an attempt to calm his master. “I’m fine, Tsuzuki, or I will be soon.” He couldn’t lie to his master, so he qualified his statement. Touda wasn’t at all fine, but it was nothing time wouldn’t fix. “Go on. You and Hisoka need to get out of here. Byakko can get me home.”

 

Tsuzuki looked down at his shikigami, the one who was so like him, and smiled back. “You better had, I need you, you know.” The question was a rhetorical one and he didn’t expect an answer. Touda was Tsuzuki’s balance and vice versa. Each man needed the other and the bond between them ran deep. “Byakko,” Tsuzuki called over his shoulder. “Go ahead and get him home.”

 

Byakko moved over to where Tsuzuki knelt beside Touda, but made no move to comply. “I’ll take him once you and Hisoka are safely gone.” Tsuzuki looked ready to protest, but Byakko forestalled any comment. “It’s our duty, Tsuzuki. Please don’t ask me to do otherwise. Even if I was willing, and I’m not, Touda would kick my butt if I did what you asked. Get out of here already. The sooner you two are safe, the sooner I can get him home, so quit wasting time arguing.”

 

Tsuzuki sat back and looked at Byakko in shock. His usually laid back friend was serious this time and with Hisoka tugging on his shoulder, Tsuzuki found himself nodding mutely. The two shinigami took hold of their charge and disappeared from view.

 

Byakko, certain now that his duty was done, gathered his lover in his arms and opened a gate for home.

 

***

 

Reappearing on GenSouKai’s busy streets, Touda kicked in Byakko’s arms. “Put me down,” Touda whispered emphatically. The appearance of two gods wasn’t an unusual one for the citizens of the imaginary world, but Touda hated to appear weak in front of anyone. Being carried through the streets by one’s lover counted as looking weak in his book, especially covered as he was in blood, both his own and the demon’s black ichor.

 

“I will not,” Byakko responded sharply as he kept moving. “We’re heading home and it’s faster if I carry you. The only choices you are being offered at the moment are whether or not you want to see a healer before I throw you in a tub and then pack you off to bed.”

 

“Byakko, this is ridiculous,” Touda hissed. “I don’t need a healer. It isn’t that bad.”

 

“Demon injuries are tricky, Touda. You and I know that better than most.” Byakko softened his tone, but kept his vice like grip on his lover’s body. “For my sake, please let me take care of you right now. I need to know that you’re okay and I can’t do that if you’re just going to tell me what you think I want to hear.”

 

Touda looked up at Byakko and read the fear and concern that was etched in the lines of his face. It wasn’t an unreasonable request and it was only Touda’s fear of looking foolish that was holding them back from a quick resolution. “Very well, Byakko, I won’t fight you on this. Send for Rikugo if you need to. I don’t need to see a healer, but if a scan will make you feel better, I see no harm in it. Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

 

Byakko smiled and kissed Touda’s brow even as he quickened his pace. Arriving at his home, a servant was quickly dispatched to fetch the astrologer while Byakko carried Touda up to the bedroom suite.

 

“We need to get you out of these clothes,” Byakko remarked as he moved into the room. _‘I’ve been wanting to say that for weeks, but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind all those times I fantasized about it,’_ Byakko thought to himself.

 

Touda looked up into Byakko’s face and wondered about the mysterious blush that appeared across his lover’s cheeks. The itchy sensation intensifying across his skin was a distraction though and Touda agreed. “Yeah, I think the demon blood may be corrosive though so you might want to stand me up in the bathroom to do it.”

 

Byakko, now shocked out of his wandering thoughts, refocused on Touda’s state and noticed the holes appearing in his lover’s shirt and slacks. Over all of the places where the ichor had stained Touda’s body and clothing, the fabric was rapidly disappearing and an angry red rash bubbled over and around the injured skin. Byakko cursed and raced into the bathroom, setting Touda down carefully on his feet and tearing away the remnants of clothing.

 

Touda stood in the midst of the chaos and kept his hands away from his lover’s frantic gestures. In his haste, Byakko was ignoring buttons and zippers in favor or quick removal via careful claws.   The clothing was clearly ruined already and any further damage only meant that the contaminated cloth fell away from Touda’s skin faster.

 

Once Touda was naked, Byakko saw the full extent of the damage wrought by the demon’s toxic blood. “What should I do now? Do you think we should try to wash it with soap and water or use a salve or what?” Byakko eyes darted around the bathroom, cataloguing possible remedies while still holding Touda upright.

 

“It’s okay, I can stand, Byakko,” Touda insisted. When Byakko released him, Touda moved over to the shower head, turned the water on, and waited until it became comfortably warm. Wincing in pain, Touda let the water run over a few smaller areas on his arms and legs before bracing himself and trying to rinse away some of the poison covering the large areas on his chest and back.

 

Byakko looked on in sympathy as Touda reached for the bar of soap on the wall and, gritting his teeth, rubbed it slowly over the blistered skin. While the pain was obviously excruciating, the soap did appear to be helping. In the locations where Touda managed to wash away the sticky acid, his natural healing processes were finally able to kick in and the skin seemed to be rapidly fading from its angry red to a healthy pink as it returned to normal.

 

A light tap from the outer door carried softly into the bathroom and Byakko poked his head out the door to see Rikugo peeking into the bedroom suite.

 

“May I come in?” Rikugo asked softly. “I received word that you needed my help.”

 

Byakko waved his friend inside and returned to the bathroom. “It’s Touda,” he called over his shoulder. “He’s got a couple of nasty injuries and his skin is burned from the demon’s blood.”

 

Touda threw his head back, tossing water out of his eyes, and looked toward the doorway when he heard Byakko speaking to Rikugo but he didn’t bother reaching for a towel. The water felt soothing over his skin and his modesty wasn’t nearly as important to him at that moment as soothing the searing pain. The pain in his side was increasing, however. The movement and water were delaying the healing of the puncture in his side and Touda, desperate to remain in the shower for a few more minutes to allow the rest of his skin a better chance to heal, focused on putting pressure over the still bleeding injury.

 

Touda’s gesture wasn’t lost on Byakko, however, and the wind god immediately went over to his lover and, heedless of the water soaking his clothing, pried away Touda’s hand to check the injury. “What do you think?” Byakko asked Rikugo.

 

Rikugo walked into the room, but made eye contact with Touda before proceeding. “May I?” he asked. Once Touda had nodded in agreement, Rikugo took Byakko’s place and gently examined the injury. Opening his additional sets of eyes, Rikugo registered the injury on all its levels of existence. Glancing up, he checked the bite on the neck and gave a quick glance over Touda’s body before closing his eyes and stepping back.

 

“The injuries are healing slowly because of the poison and acid, but I see no evidence of infection or parasitic invasion. The wounds are clean and will heal perfectly well given sufficient time,” Rikugo explained to a relieved Byakko. “That is what you wanted to know, yes?”

 

Byakko blushed slightly and nodded his head, avoiding his mentor’s gaze.

 

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Byakko. You were being cautious with good reason. I’m glad it was nothing this time, but you shouldn’t regret checking.” Rikugo clapped a hand on Byakko’s shoulder. “Now, I would suggest that you get out of your clothing as well. A good bit of that ichor worked its way onto your shirt while you were carrying Touda and you’ll end up with a rash of your own soon if you don’t get out of it.” Pausing to turn to Touda, Rikugo added, “I hope you are feeling better soon, Touda. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do.” Bowing slightly at the waist, Rikugo backed away and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

 

His worries now relieved, Byakko focused on his own clothing and finally noticed the itch that was indeed starting to work its way across his chest and arms. Stripping out of his clothes, he joined Touda under the shower heads and reached for the bar of soap. Lathering and rinsing quickly, he looked up at Touda with concern. “Are you ready to get out now? You look really tired.”

 

Touda nodded and, leaning against a wall for support, grabbed one of the towels to gently pat away the water from his tender skin.

 

Byakko finished drying himself quickly and then took over the task for Touda, grabbing the towel from him and delicately dabbing at the moisture. When he was done, Byakko tossed the towel away, heedless of where it landed and took Touda’s arm.

 

Touda looked at the disaster on the bathroom floor: towels, filthy, torn clothing and spatters of blood and ichor and sighed audibly. He hated a dirty bathroom, but for once Byakko was right. It hardly mattered at this very moment and nothing in the world sounded quite as good as snuggling up to his tiger and being pampered for at least a little while.

 

Touda slid carefully between the clean sheets and sank deep into the soft pillow and mattress. He was glad that the summons had come late in the day and that he’d finished most of his work, because the thought of having to return to the office this evening was no match for spending the rest of the night right where he was. Finally comfortable, Touda turned his attention to Byakko who had been fidgeting slightly next to the bed and was now rooting through dresser drawers.

 

“What are you doing?” Touda asked as Byakko pulled clothing out of the drawer and shook out a pair of pants.

 

Byakko twisted the fabric in his hands and studied the footboard of the bed with interest. “I thought I’d go down to the kitchen and maybe make you some tea or something to eat and, you know, let you get some rest.” Byakko’s voice rose in pitch and lowered in volume as he finished, as though it was a question he was uncertain of.

 

Touda shook his head and reached over to pull the covers down on Byakko’s side of the bed. “Get in here, you silly cat. Why would you think I’d want to be alone? I’m not hurt that badly and even when I have been, you’ve never left me on my own.” Touda watched Byakko pad quietly over to the edge of the bed and climb in, but his lover never responded to his question. “Byakko, what’s going on?”

 

Byakko turned his head on the pillow to face Touda, but tried to avoid actually meeting determined golden eyes. “Nothing’s going on. Your skin is a mess. I just figured that you wouldn’t want anything touching you, you know? I mean, the sheets must feel bad enough and they’re really soft.”

 

The excuse sounded plausible enough in theory, but something in Byakko’s voice and body language still aroused Touda’s suspicions. “The damage to my skin is no worse than having a nasty sunburn right now and it won’t even be that in half an hour. Besides,” Touda reached over and encouraged Byakko to move closer into his embrace, “you always feel good.”

 

Byakko scooted nearer, but his body language was like a wall. The tiger hugged himself tightly and kept his body, now only an inch from Touda, from touching his lover at any point other than where Touda’s arm fell across his shoulders.

 

Touda, frustrated and worried, took a deep breath and counted to ten. _‘Something is wrong, but if he hasn’t told me by now, I’m going to have to figure this out on my own. He can’t still be worried about my injuries…’_ Touda closed his eyes and remembered other nights after they’d returned from fights by Tsuzuki’s side.

 

Sometimes, like today, one or both of them would be injured and they would come home, tend each other’s wounds, Byakko often licking at them like the cat he was, and then they would fall between the sheets renewing their love tenderly. Sometimes the tension was still thick in the air. If a victory was hard won or too quickly over, the adrenaline would key the men up and it would bleed over into the bedroom until it resulted in a fierce coupling of savage intimacy. The intense passion of war meeting love would leave them breathless and drenched in sweat as they pounded and clawed their way to mutual fulfillment. They were very different reactions, but always with the same ending: making love.

 

Opening his eyes and looking down at his nervous lover, Touda wondered if their lack of intimacy recently was affecting Byakko. _‘This has got to stop,’_ Touda thought to himself. _‘I promised him that we would be able to get back to where we were and I’m failing him. I need to let him know that I want him and need him. He shouldn’t look this afraid of touching me.’_ It was hard to set aside his feelings of failure and guilt, but Touda reached deep within himself, leaned over his lover and brought their lips together.

 

Byakko wasn’t expecting the kiss when it came, but melted into it with obvious warmth and desire. He wanted so much for Touda to do exactly what he was doing, and yet, Byakko felt fear.

 

Touda felt a shiver run through Byakko’s body where they were pressed together and reached out with his other arm to hold his lover tighter. Running soothing strokes up and down Byakko’s back, the tiger finally calmed in Touda’s arms.

 

Touda pulled away from the kiss, but lingered a breath away from Byakko’s lips. “You always used to help clean my injuries,” he whispered. “Aren’t you going to take care of this bite for me?” Touda arched his head back into the pillow and exposed the bite on his neck to Byakko’s view.

 

Byakko looked at the angry, red mark still covering the side of Touda’s neck and shoulder and filled with rage at the demon and sympathy for his lover. Possessive feelings rose to the surface and the need to wash away the hurt and taint compelled him to act. Crawling up Touda’s body, Byakko took a single tentative lick along the edge of the wound and then looked to Touda’s face for some sign of acceptance or approval.

 

Touda, knowing he was being watched, let his eyes fall closed and moaned his appreciation of the gesture. “More please,” he asked, wanting to be clear that he desired his lover’s touch.

 

Emboldened by Touda’s reaction, Byakko licked and sucked and nipped at the area, arousing both of them. As the injury beneath his tongue and lips faded from view, replaced only by a bruise of his own making, Byakko’s passion intensified and he slid down Touda’s body to repeat the treatment on the puncture in the fire shiki’s side.

 

Touda groaned out loud as Byakko’s tongue ran over and into the hole in his right side and he felt his eager cock fill and rise under the cotton sheet. Byakko’s hand wandered away from where he was leaning against Touda’s hip and brushed over and along the hardness making Touda groan a second time before also growling in frustration. As much as Touda was enjoying what Byakko was doing with his tongue and hands, he was developing very definite ideas about what he’d like to do next and he could only pray that his body was up for the challenge.

 

“Lube,” Touda growled as Byakko continued his teasing.

 

Byakko’s head popped up and he looked at Touda as if to confirm what he’d heard. “Really? Are you sure? I mean, is it really okay?”

 

“Get the lube, Byakko, unless you want to risk my fucking you dry.” Touda’s threat was an idle one, he would never do such a thing to his lover and Byakko knew it, but it did serve to answer the eager tiger’s question.

 

The smile that crossed Byakko’s face lit up the room and Touda crowed to himself with victory. _‘Now that looks like my cat,’_ he thought to himself. _‘I should have realized sooner that you were holding yourself back. You were afraid to act first for my sake and my inaction made you feel unwanted. We were so busy acting as though everything was alright, that we forgot we still had one more step to take together.’_

 

Byakko bounced out of the bed and grabbed the nightstand drawer with so much force, that it fell onto the floor. As he bent over to grab the bottle of lube, Touda’s carved wooden box caught his eye from amongst the wreckage. Byakko paused and looked at the box, over at Touda and back again before reaching for the box. When Byakko finally faced Touda again, his eyes were full of emotion: confusion, hope, and uncertainty.

 

The two men stared at each other. The silent question hung in the air for a long thirty seconds, obvious without being voiced, and it was Touda who finally spoke first. “Go for it,” Touda challenged his lover as he threw his arms wide and waited for Byakko to return.

 

Byakko’s eyes went wide and he picked up the lube with his free hand before returning to the bed. Slowly opening the wooden box, Byakko carefully removed the small, glass bottle and offered it to Touda.

 

In a surprising gesture, Touda refused the bottle and pushed Byakko’s hand back toward him. “It’s your show, Cat. You control the bottle. You decide when, you decide where, you decide how much. It doesn’t run your life anymore, Byakko. You can control it and I trust you.” Touda looked on and watched the stunned expression on his lover’s face. Byakko was clearly weighing Touda’s words with a mix of both fear and pride.

 

Byakko, who had been kneeling on the bed, sat back on his heels in shock. Staring at the amber bottle, Byakko debated with himself. _‘I control this? I’ve never been able to control myself on catnip, and yet I can’t deny that I’ve been able to hold onto my own thoughts and there’ve been no ‘accidents’. Still, even after what I put him through, he trusts me with the whole bottle?’_ Byakko looked up at Touda for a moment, questions in his eyes, but met with nothing except firm resolve. _‘He means it; he really, really means it.’_

 

Hands shaking with excitement and fear, Byakko handed Touda the lube and set the wooden box on the nightstand before unscrewing the cap on the dropper lid. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Byakko finished removing the eyedropper and placed three small drops of the extract in the center of Touda’s chest before quickly replacing the cap and screwing it tightly back into place.

 

Thoughts raced through Byakko’s head as he stared intently at the tiny puddle on his lover’s chest. _‘What do I do now? What if this is a huge mistake? What if something goes wrong?’_ With a mixture of fascination and horror, Byakko reached forward and ran one finger through the liquid and painted lines across Touda’s chest from his sternum to each of his nipples and back again. With each stroke of his finger, both men began to relax and the tension in the room dropped.

 

Touda looked on as Byakko’s body language changed from stiff and frightened to calm and dreamy. He recognized the signs from previous episodes as the first effects of the catnip began to take hold and Touda gently removed the bottle from Byakko’s left hand while Byakko’s right continued to play in the tincture. Setting the bottle safely on the nightstand, Touda closed his eyes and indulged in the feeling of his lover’s touch as Byakko unselfconsciously caressed Touda’s healing skin. The soft tickle was a welcome distraction from the lingering sting and the gentle brushes over his nipples were definitely restoring the romantic mood that Byakko’s worries had interrupted.

 

Both hands now free, Byakko reached forward and placed both hands on Touda’s chest, divided the liquid between his thumbs, and rubbed it freely around the fire shiki’s healing torso. The cool liquid caused a shiver through Touda’s body as it evaporated away and Byakko closed his eyes and bent over to inhale deeply before stretching out alongside his lover.

 

Within seconds, the catnip took full effect and Touda watched, fascinated, as red eyes opened and looked back at him. It wasn’t Byakko’s usual appearance, but neither was it the manic look he wore a month ago when the guardian had tricked his mind into believing he’d received a full dose of the drugging herb. Byakko’s eyes were warm and lazy, a happy sort of drugged, fully dilated and slightly unfocused. He had the look of a very happy cat.

 

With slurred speech, Byakko managed to voice his question, “Love me?”

 

Touda kissed Byakko who responded hungrily and it was nearly a minute before he could break away long enough to answer, “Always.”

 

Byakko purred in response and humped Touda’s hip eagerly.

 

Touda chuckled at Byakko’s response and popped open the lube. Byakko was far too keyed up to bother with foreplay at this point and, truth be told, Touda himself wasn’t feeling the desire to draw things out either. He’d missed the sensation of being buried deep inside Byakko’s body and after all this time, Touda didn’t want to wait a minute longer than it would take to prepare his lover.

 

Hearing the snap of the lid, Byakko rose quickly to his knees and turned around, presenting himself to his lover.

 

Touda’s eyes grew wide at the blatant display of need, but he recovered himself and poured a small amount down the crack of Byakko’s ass before coating his own fingers. When a single finger was met with growls of frustration, Touda quickly moved on to two fingers and braced himself against Byakko’s powerful backward thrusts. Impatient for stimulation, Byakko rocked eagerly, impaling himself and urging Touda to hurry with loud whimpers and groans.

 

Hypersensitive after a month of celibacy and fueled by the drugging effects of the catnip, Byakko was pushed beyond his ability to stave off his climax even with no other stimulation than Touda’s two fingers. As Byakko roared through his orgasm, the erotic sight and sound of his lover’s unrestrained passion pushed at Touda’s own tenuous hold and, with his free hand, he gripped his cock tightly at the base to hold back a premature release of his own as Byakko’s ass rippled around his fingers.

 

Thinking that Byakko would now be sated, Touda slowly withdrew his fingers, leaned back on the bed and lazily stroked his own cock. It had been good to see his lover so happy and free and Touda’s heart was content to put his own body’s needs on hold for a little while longer.

 

Byakko, however, had other ideas.

 

Less than a minute after his own orgasm, Byakko turned around and eyed Touda and then Touda’s erection with an openly hungry stare. Moving slowly and deliberately, like a predator stalking his prey, Byakko crawled up the bed and over Touda’s lap before reaching under his legs to grab his lover’s erection and quickly impaling himself on it.

 

Touda released his hold on his cock when Byakko grabbed for it and gasped as the tight clench of hot, slippery flesh surrounded him and gripped him fiercely. Yielding to the urge, Touda thrust up as Byakko slammed down and buried himself as deeply as possible. In a desperate effort to maintain control, Touda grabbed Byakko’s legs and tried to urge him to stay still for a time, but Byakko was relentless and rose and fell over Touda’s groin to a rhythm of his own making. Closing his eyes and surrendering to the force of Byakko’s passion, Touda experienced their connection both physically and emotionally, losing himself in the sensation.

 

Hearing Byakko’s breathing hitch, Touda opened his eyes in time to see his lover climax a second time, semen spurting from his still untouched cock to land squarely on Touda’s chest. Riding high on passion and adrenaline, Touda effortlessly flipped them over and held himself still, buried deep inside Byakko to enjoy riding out the final spasms of his partner’s climax before setting up his own rhythm.

 

Byakko panted, dreamy and boneless, beneath Touda for only a few seconds until he once again appeared ready and started to stroke an unexpectedly renewed erection. Raising one leg, Byakko propped one ankle on Touda’s shoulder and kept his other leg down on the bed, foot close to his ass, to allow room for his hand between them.

 

Touda looked down in wonder at Byakko who was rapidly racing him to a third orgasm. Pounding into the body below him, Touda took what was willing and enthusiastically being offered and drove deep into Byakko’s ass. Touda leaned heavily on his hands and increased the power of his thrusts as eager red eyes met his own and begged wordlessly for release. The sight of Byakko’s hand flying over his own cock vied for Touda’s attention and his eyes slipped back and forth between the two, both sights driving his libido into an ever increasing frenzy.

 

Contracting his stomach muscles and leveraging himself with his one free hand, Byakko pushed himself up until he could reach Touda’s face and grabbed his lower lip with his teeth. When Touda opened his mouth, Byakko surged forward and sealed their lips together and sucked Touda’s tongue into his mouth. Twisting and twining, Byakko swirled his tongue around Touda’s, pulling it first into his own mouth and then thrusting them both back into Touda’s mouth.

 

Finally separating from him, Byakko crashed back down onto the bed and moaned loudly. The movement of Byakko’s hand became erratic and Touda felt the first tingles of his own orgasm even as Byakko’s began. Touda watched eagerly as Byakko’s face contorted and his eyes sought out Touda’s own. On the edge of his vision, a few small drops of white joined the ones that had smeared onto Byakko from Touda’s torso when they rolled over and then Touda’s vision went blank as the pinnacle of his own release overtook him.

 

The release of physical tension felt as good to Touda as it always had, but there was also the sense, as his mind came back into working order, that, emotionally and mentally, he and Byakko had cleared an enormous hurdle that day. Easing himself down onto the bed alongside his exhausted lover, Touda sank into the mattress and waited to catch his breath.

 

Byakko’s eyes were closed, but a huge smile covered his face and the sound of soft giggles could be heard over his heavy breathing.

 

Touda wondered about the giggles, but shook off thinking too deeply about it. Muscles eventually a little less rubbery, Touda stood carefully and walked to the bathroom to fetch a clean washcloth. Cleaning first himself, Touda walked back into the room and carefully stroked the warm, wet cloth over Byakko’s stomach and backside.

 

“Thank you,” Byakko said softly through his still grinning mouth.

 

“Mmmhmm,” Touda mumbled back in recognition as he continued to slowly wipe at Byakko’s skin thinking that his lover was referring to the washcloth.

 

Byakko grabbed at Touda’s hand and opened his eyes to meet Touda’s. “No, really, thank you.”

 

Touda wrinkled brow displayed his confusion. “You’re welcome, really, but it is just a washcloth.”

 

Byakko blushed. “Oh, um, that too, but...”

 

Touda tilted his head in confusion and held one finger up to gesture for Byakko to wait. Walking back into the bathroom, Touda stepped around the rest of the mess to put the washcloth into the hamper and returned to the bed, pulling the covers over both of them as he eased down onto the mattress. “Okay, now what is it we’re talking about?” he asked as he reached out to pull Byakko into a one armed hug.

 

Byakko appeared to struggle slightly with his words, but managed finally to express himself. “Thank you for loving me.”

 

Touda broke into a proud grin. “Anytime, Cat. You were something else, too. You really need to rethink your fear of catnip if it can have this effect on you.”

 

Byakko’s blush spread to his entire body and he made spluttering sounds as he tried to correct Touda’s mistaken assumption. “That’s not… I… arrrrrgh!” Byakko growled, his words stoppered by frustration, and then buried his face in the pillow.

 

Touda patted his head and rubbed his back until Byakko’s face reappeared. “It’s okay, Cat. I think I know what you mean. I love you, too, and I never stopped. I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to get back here, but please believe that I never stopped loving you. I’ve been working out a lot of stuff of my own and I forgot to consider how it might look to you. I’m sorry if I made you feel unloved or left out. I didn’t mean it that way, I promise.”

 

Byakko looked up at Touda as he spoke and tears filled his eyes as Touda cut to the heart of the matter.

 

Hating to see his lover cry, especially after such a beautiful evening, Touda brushed the tears away with the back of his hand and leaned close to whisper in Byakko’s ear. “I still say you were one hell of a wildcat in bed, though.”

 

Byakko turned quickly and nipped at Touda’s chin before both men grabbed each other in a hug and the room was filled with laughter.

 

Later that night when the room was quiet, the two shikigami shared a look in the dark and each knew that the life they treasured so much with one another was finally safe. It had been a hard fought road back from their series of unfortunate events, but they had learned many valuable lessons. They needed each other and they needed to be there for one another. Sometimes things are hard to articulate, but they needed to share things and keep communication open between them to help them grow. Learning to trust each other on a deeper level and learning how to turn to friends as well wasn’t always instinctual. Sometimes, the urge to hide away was a hard one to beat back, but it was important as well. Of all the things they’d discovered though, the biggest lesson learned was conquering fear. Fear may have its uses from time to time, but love leaves no room for cowardice.


End file.
